Read the book: «To Forgive or To Revenge. Collection of articles»

Copyright © 2014 by Sergey and Dina Volsini

© Illustrated by Roman Shisterov, 2014

© Translated from Russian to English by Yuriy Chetverzhuk, 2014

To Forgive or to Revenge

Love is the main thing a man lives for, and everyone is aware of it in his heart. There's no man who would not seek for love, who would not aspire to give it and receive it in return. However, there are situations when we start to think that we are not fated to meet our destiny and to perceive happiness of mutual love. No matter how hard we try, all for nothing, as if we are destined for being alone. Can one person influence the fate of another by depriving of love just through his intention? So let's try to make it clear.

How Does a Problem Emerge?

Let's imagine that a man meets his love, his true soul mate, with whom he is convinced he is destined to pass the track of life. But something happens that does not make these plans come true. Someone's intervention does not allow to stay with the beloved, severs a man from the love of his life and puts the end to his love. A huge outcry is born in the human soul at the moment, the reasons of which can be easily explicable: his soul might have been embodied in this world just for the sake of being with the beloved, and it is the main task of his life. But now when his love is taken away he feels as if he is deprived of life.

Who would be this protest directed at? To the one what a man finds to be responsible for his woes. If this is a society with its foundations, then a man would rebel against the society, its laws and authorities. If these are any circumstances, the fate or even the God himself, a man would be disillusioned with religion, higher powers or his faith. But if he considers a particular person to be responsible for having taken away his love, the entire protest would be directed at the person. He would be addressed with the darkest wishes, for a man wishes to punish the offender, to take revenge, to make him feel what a man has experienced before.

Whenever we want somebody to lose a loved one or to lose something that is dear to his heart, thus we wish him to stay without love, and, therefore, not to stay alive. Concentrated wish for “dis-love” directed at a specific person, is, in fact, wish for death.

To this day, there are some societies in which such wishes are to be implemented in the most primitive way – depriving the offender of his life, such as a blood feud of mountain people or vendetta of Sicilians. However, in most cases, that is not an issue of physical violence. At the same time wishing death is not going away, and black arrows of grievances are targeting the offender with the same force as well. So, what would happen next? There are three versions of events.

Version One

A man might express his protest in no way, if the one who deprived him of love, were an unshakable authority in his eyes. This might be one of the older members of the family, for example, a mother whose opinion is not questioned, or a father, whose word is law. The higher authority of the parent is, the less is the likelihood that the misfortune of a man might be known by anyone in general, because he dares not even hint that his heart is broken through the fault of the parent. He does not allow himself to doubt the parent and tries to convince himself that the parent is right, but the heart is protesting, because it feels the opposite. Hence a conflict arises, and, because a man does not allow himself to put it outside – to acknowledge, much less – to voice, – the energy of the protest finds no output, and, staying inside a man, begins to destroy him.

Spiritual dissonance leads to the destruction of the body, and a young, healthy person, as soon as started out in life, suddenly feels ill. What kind of and how severe the disease is – it depends on many factors, but one should not underestimate the challenge: a man, confused and having lost his faith in love, is ready to leave this world with ease, and if there's no help in time, then it happens – through illness or other tragic event. People who have passed away at a young age, single elderly women who have never married and have no children, men who couldn't find their feet and refused to start a family – all these are examples of suppressed and deeply hidden conflicts based on the idea imposed upon a person of the impossibility of love.

Version Two

In another case, a man finds a specific person to be responsible for his unhappiness. That might be a woman who has severed from the beloved, a man who is a rival, or, for example, someone who has slandered a person in the eyes of beloved and has become a cause of the break. At the same time the one, who is deprived of love, can be wrong in his findings and cannot see the whole picture of what is happening, but it is impossible to convince the person: as he believes the responsible is found.

He cannot punish the offender himself, but remains in full confidence that the offender should and will be punished, because justice should prevail. Person may express his opinion straight to the offender or may tell him nothing, but speak out at his back imposing his point of view upon others, spreading rumors and setting others against the offender. It does also happen that a person hypocritically communicates with the offender, is well received at his home and family, maintains outwardly good relations pretending the former resentment is gone.

Whatever the mask a man could wear he hides the resentment and matures most bad wishes in his heart. Every time, remembering the offender, he mentally creates negative images around him and increases them scrolling in his mind over and over again. Person generates the offender's punishment and lives in expectation of the divine scourge day by day. But he ignores a single point – all these feelings are by his own, and therefore they start to be playable in his own life.

Whether these wishes can affect whom they are addressed or not, but the man, staying in the grievance and anger, brings relevant events primarily to himself and his loved ones. And when there is another bad luck, he justifies himself with that old story again and habitually blames someone who once treated him unfairly.

Here is an example of life. The young man was injured after falling from a ladder. He considered his brother to be responsible for that, because the latter was close to him at the time, but couldn't help. At the same time he was going through parting with the girl whom he was going to marry, and thus he began to blame his brother not only in the loss of health, but in all the subsequent misfortunes as well, the main of which – the loss of love. For the next twenty years a woman was constantly staying with him. She became both his housekeeper and the companion in his business. She loved him selflessly and was devoted to him, but the resentment did not allow the man to see this love – he was living with the memories of the past and waiting for the day when justice would prevail and the fate would punish his brother.

It often happens a person is taken pity on and sympathized with because of that past story, and given help as well, but all in vain: he seems to be looking for new troubles on purpose, as if trying to prove that no good can happen no longer in his life – and that's all for the same reason. There is more trouble, hurt is all the stronger. Resentment grows and the number of misfortunes increases. Thus a vicious circle is formed, and only the man himself can leave it if he dares to do so. But if he undertakes nothing, negative feelings and corresponding events will spread to his children and grandchildren, thereupon they will have to improve the situation.

How to Deal With the Problem

What will happen to those whom negative feelings are directed at? Since this is a deliberate attempt to damage the soul and life of another person, then one should hold truly enormous power to resist it. And it is absolutely impossible to do so, if the person, whom the negative feelings are addressed to, feels guilty or afraid. If the person even for a moment admits the idea that he really deserves to be punished, he immediately opens the door towards a mighty stream of negative wishes directed at him.

What can we say about when he basically agrees with the accusations against him, reproaches himself and lives with his willingness to make amends – in this case, the door remains permanently open, and negative energy is supplied to his subtle bodies with a continuous flow, which is implemented by a succession of life problems, so one should only manage to cope with them.

Fear results in the same outcome, though its impact is a bit different. For example, a person is sure that he shouldn't blame himself for nothing. However, he suspects or knows for sure about the negative wishes that are strewed at him, and fears that they will come true. Fear always attracts what we fear. And when a nuisance does occur, the person explains this by the intentions of others, but not by his own mistakes, and thus, he not only sees no real reason, but he also empowers someone's negative wishes, that is he personally supports the impact of other people's energy on his life.

What about if there is a fault for sure? If you think that you have really made a mistake, have done wrong and now do repent of your deeds? Then you should do the following: visualize the image of a man whom you feel guilty to, and sincerely ask him for forgiveness, and then forgive yourself. To forgive yourself is no less important than to ask for forgiveness, because that is what allows you to get rid of worries and remove the burden from your heart. All this can be done in a temple, as well as you can do it staying at home, the place does not matter. It is important that your heart is easy. Do it just once. There is no need to go back to this story no longer – neither in thoughts nor in conversations, otherwise the mechanism of punishment wouldn't disappear.

How This Works

On the subtle plane, a man who bears someone's negative wishes has a foreign connection on the occipital side of the head. Since somebody who craves punishment has a clear image of the responsible person, so he makes a kind of connection to the latter and transmits the “messages” by established channels. Negative thought forms are transmitted by them like through a pipe. Those forms have a direct impact both on the way the person thinks, on what he thinks about, and on what decisions he makes.

Alien energy saddles a man, clogs up his head, redirects his thoughts, brings heaviness and turbidity, creates a sense of apathy and powerlessness, and makes him to see the life in shades of gray. Ignorant person accepts these sensations for his own and builds his life on the basis of them. It begins to seem to him as if everything goes bad, things are not moving, plans come apart at the seams, the years roll by, and there is no happiness ever. His heart becomes heavy and his hands are dropped because of these thoughts. Such a state is the first sign that there is a connection on the thin body by which strange and harmful energy comes.

If we generalize, the meaning of any negative wish is always the same – to deprive a person of love. That's why it falls on women as impossibility to meet a soul mate, to stay with a loved one or inability to give birth to his child. The same applies to women living in marriage, but feeling lonely, deprived of happiness and love. The man affected by such energy, feels as if there is no possibility for him to find his feet, to meet a soul mate, to start a family, to provide it in a proper manner, to feel like a man in every sense of the word.

If you are experiencing similar feelings, there's no need to be afraid. Effect of foreign energy can be identified and removed using special techniques which allow to eliminate connections on a subtle level and replace feelings.

To Be One's Own Master

Lately, advising people, we often face the situation when a person entangled in the problems and quite desperate finds such an explanation of this – I was told that I was cursed, that's all my troubles come from. Speaking of this, the person usually imagines such a witch conjuring with her potions and sending all sorts of misfortune to people.

Thus the person has the right feeling: there is a real flow of alien energy. However, the source of the problem is not a witch-woman, as it is commonly believed; it is much closer – the man himself, or rather, an unresolved issue with some of his relatives. This can be a mother who hasn't approved her daughter's choice; a father who hasn't forgiven his son for something; a brother or a sister nursing a grievance in his/her heart. The feeling of guilt and fear of punishment makes a person go out of his way: he tries to resolve the conflict, explain or justify himself, make amends.

Imperceptibly for the man himself, this goal becomes the basis of his life; it governs all his thoughts, all his time and all of his resources. He tries to achieve just one thing – to earn forgiveness, for only this might remove the burden off his heart and give a long-awaited freedom. But every time the man fails, and would ever fail, if he didn't stop waiting for forgiveness from someone.

One should forgive himself first, as well as allow himself to live a new life without backing up the former scenario of relationships.

Here are some examples from our practice. Man faced a crisis in all the areas of his life: the business collapsed, his wife left with the children, and health problems started as well. The core of this situation was a huge sense of guilt towards his younger brother who had been imprisoned for many years. The man blamed himself all these years: it became his lifework to help his brother and his family. It required more money; the man did not dare to refuse and ultimately lost everything.

In the other case, a young woman could not set her personal life going: a man, with whom she had been dating for a few years, did not want to undertake the next step. They did not live together and did not plan to have children. She felt she was in a deadlock. The reason for that was the unconscious intention of the woman to arrange the life of her elder sister at the cost of her own happiness. Beginning of this model was based on an old case when her elder sister's wedding collapsed. Younger sister considered herself to be responsible for that and then did her best to make amends before the elder. Guilt made a woman to be engaged in her sister's life for years and to do everything possible for the latter was happy. She thought that the worse her own life was as compared to the sister's life, the better it was; because it was the only way she could feel she made amends and earned forgiveness. Once we explained the situation and helped her get rid of the guilt, she felt enormous relief. Shortly thereafter, her life turned around: the long-playing story of unpromising relations ended, and she met a man who loved her and was going to start a normal family life with her.

No one can take a love from a man, lead him astray, and manage his life at all, unless he does not allow doing that with him. There is no man – neither near nor stranger – able to cause such damage to another man, unless the latter has given its consent himself, consciously or unconsciously.

Version Three

Dramatic effects can be avoided if the person, who has been treated unfairly with by depriving of his love, will be able to understand the situation. To understand – means to comprehend what has happened and to change the feelings in his heart.

So, the first thing to do is to understand the reasons for the events and to acknowledge your part in them. Second thing is to get rid of resentment, hatred and revenge, in other words, not to form negative wishes to address anyone at all. In case the protest against injustice was not manifested in a due time, one should express his feelings in any way acceptable for himself: for example, write a letter, or meet and speak out quietly, talk about past feelings, or do all that mentally, in meditation. And then one should forgive the responsible men. Forgiveness of offenders and self-forgiveness is the exact lead, because at this point there is a transformation of negative energy into the energy of love, and the problem leaves a person's life completely.

And, finally, from this moment one should start living with the feeling that the past is left behind. Life makes you wait no longer. Once love has taken its place in the human soul, it is immediately manifested in his life as well.

Being deprived of love, you can be bearing resentment against the offender a lifetime, but you can also forgive and find happiness again. At the moment when the person is emotionally wounded, he faces a choice – to forgive or to revenge. Whichever way may he choose to avenge, he ultimately destroys himself and deprives himself of love for life.

And only the one, who forgives, can start a new life: he can revive himself with the power of his love and open a new chapter of his life, which has everything to make him happy.

Being Talented in All Things

Any contemporary, thoughtful and intelligent individual has not been tempted any more by an idea to make money solely for the sake of sprawling on the beach till his dying day, having no concern of anything and doing anything anymore. The happiness criteria have changed themselves. The most frequently, attempting to give a definition of happiness, the people describe this condition by such expressions as “this is when you succeed”, “when you intend something, and it is accomplished”, “this is such a feeling as if you were tracked from somewhere from on high”. To the foreground there emerges a human need to realize oneself, and not only at work, but in one's life in general. More evident there appears the circumstance that a high achiever of our time is an individual being enthusiastic by his life.

Great Difference

Let us imagine two individuals, being employed in the same sphere, occupying the same position and in the same conditions. However, one of them is fond of his business, and for the other one it is just a job.

The first one wakes up in the morning with joy: In front of him there is the livelong day to be full with blessed events. In the morning he wakes up with ease and he is going to work with joy – he is excited to go ahead with his affairs. The second one wakes up not readily. He is reluctant to get up, however he has to. Onwards, just endless boondoggle is awaiting him, which he is forced to be concerned with on a day-to-day basis.

The first one comes to work in the smooth mood. He is facile in everything he does, and he succeeds in all things. He copes with dozens of affairs simultaneously and performs them easily as if without trying hard. He is pleased with a result himself and he inspires wonder among the others – nobody could have got it done in a better way! The second one makes himself to get down to business. Everything that could be left for the end will be laid aside by him, and he neglects everything that cannot be done right away. He is engaged in his job mechanically, without any spirit. Nothing brings him any joy – neither the process itself nor its result. Just to have it done somehow, and thank goodness. The time keeps jogging on, and it seems as if his working day will not have any end.

The first one winds up his working day with a feeling of pleasant satisfaction. The working day appeared to be a successful one. Probably, it was not easy at all, but he has succeeded! In his head there flock new ideas about, and he is full of plans for the following day. The second one experiences exhaustion and devastation at the end of the day. Just thinking that tomorrow expects him exactly the same day brings him into despair.

Out of this example we can observe that an individual being fond of his business lives a different life in broad-brush terms rather than that one just “going” to work. A feeling of embodiment enlarges not only upon the working activity of an individual, but also upon his life in general.

Quick temper, encouragement, enthusiasm, love of life – these qualities become somewhat symptomatic of individuals' traits and approve themselves in all real-life situations. Such an individual develops himself and gives momentum to the development of people surrounding him.

Performance with Satisfaction

Any individual taking care of business to which he has got an obvious ability is distinguished by three major qualities. Firstly, he easily without trying hard achieves brilliant results: someone else would have to work by sweat of his brow and work himself into exhaustion, however a gifted individual makes every effort “on the spot”, as if done in a breeze. Secondly, the result of his job is a unique and unmatched one: he performs it in a way that nobody else would get it done. You can take example by him and you can learn from him, but it is impossible to take a pattern of him. And finally, thirdly, his favorite job does not either tire him out and or exhaust him – just on the contrary, it gives him strength and inspires him for new achievements.

Hereof it becomes clearer that a gift enables any individual to comprehend one of the most perfect mechanisms granted to us by nature:

Action→Result→Satisfaction→Desire to action→Action

A central moment in this chain appears to be a sense of satisfaction, by achieving which an individual feels one's oats and has got a natural desire for further actions. The word “satisfaction” itself embodies a meaning if its constituents – delight from creativity. That particular feeling appears to be an impulse that triggers the mechanism from a new circle and inspires an individual to go forward, to undertake different sorts of things in order to discover, to seek and to create something.

When a sense of satisfaction does not mature, and an individual is not pleased by the results, he gets disappointed and he discontinues undertaking new efforts. Sooner or later he gives up his business. Or alternatively if he is forced to keep doing, he performs everything in a reluctant manner, automatically, without any desire whatsoever. The results of such an activity depress still more – both himself, and the people surrounding him.

Being Appropriate

The easiest way for an individual to feel deeply an effect of this mechanism would be to get engaged in things he was initially inclined to. Under which condition would an individual experience satisfaction from the things performed by him? In the first instance, he should like the process itself. It is impossible to be pleased by compelling himself to perform something or forcing himself against his own will.

Aiming for performing some things arises inwardly. This is precisely why we say “to come across a heart-to-heart business”, “my heart is not in it”, “I have put my heart and soul into this business”. What a person likes that will achieve the best results.

The second condition – achievement of unparalleled results. The soul always prompts an individual what he should be engaged in. The things a person likes and is strongly attracted by, will achieve the best results. Being engaged in a favorite job, an individual will for sure achieve the top results staying hereby an energetic, inspired and tireless one. Otherwise there always could be found someone taking care of his business in a much better and more talented way. And an individual would unfailingly experience a feeling that he is out of his position.

In the depth of one's heart everyone has an understanding of the things he would like to get engaged in. Having asked any grown-up whether he is appropriate, you would always receive an exact response.

Any individual who has “fallen greedily” upon his talent and has been embodying his dream would always expressively give a “yes” response. Just as someone who is out of his position knows it for sure as well. It might be the case that he does not know his place having no notion of it clearly and distinctly, however he always feels faultlessly that the current position is not that of him.

Coming back to our example regarding two employees, let us ask the following question: Does it mean that the second individual is talentless? Of course, it doesn't. The problem is in the point that in contradiction to the first one this individual is out of his position. His talent is not being implemented, and therefore both his job and his life in its entirety are filled with a feeling of dissatisfaction.

Talents and Parents

Every individual comes into this life with some kind of talent, and there is certain explanation for that. Any talent is a capacity for something being available by any individual since his birth, which means having come with him from his past embodiment.

Any talent stands for the things he used to learn in the past as well as his mastership he has gained. In other words, these are available skills, and he will not have to practice them all over again. An objective of this life is to turn gift to account and to develop other ones.

These are parents who undoubtedly play their role in a timely determination and development of a child's talent. For a majority of them it is not any secret anymore. There is another amazing thing: the energy of parental influence will not grow weaker as the years go by, and the grown-up children will receive confession of parental preferences, without perceiving their own genuine capabilities or any necessity for their implementation. For instance, mistakenly many of them are of the opinion that they would implement their talents whereas actually they fulfill aspirations of their parents.

There exist four basic models of parents' attitude to their child's talent. Let us describe them briefly.

1. Realizing one's own dream by virtue of the child

Non-embodiment of a parent in the favorite job often turns into responsibility for the child: the mother having dreamt of becoming a ballet dancer anticipates her daughter to become a ballet dancer; the father having failed to achieve any success in sports would train his son from his early years with a view that he would deserve victories on the sports arena. The problem is in the point that hereby any true calling of the children will not be taken into consideration. It is being disregarded and will not be developed further on. You could teach your child to perform something in a very good way to receive excellent grades. However, hereby it is impossible to make it live in charity and to feel happiness. This is because of the fact that fulfilling a parent's dream, an individual would make happy parents, but not himself.

Modern life abounds with many instances of the parents who have devotedly dedicated themselves to a career of their child and afterwards having become their managers. Under the guidance of benevolent intentions such parents would pursue one and only one goal – to manage an individual and to dispose of his time, facilities and life.

2. Following in the footsteps of parents

Sometimes some parents having themselves reached high levels in that or another sphere would oblige the child to follow in his footsteps: to master the same occupation, to continue the dynasty and to develop the family business. Though, a talent of any individual appears to be one-of-a-kind gift having been given only to him alone. This is by no means always the case that a child's gift would coincide with its parents' talents and such a case is sooner a kind of exception than a rule. So, in spite of the desires a child would be obliged to go on with the business of his famous parents. And this is just not a rarity. Exactly because of similar situations there used to come up an opinion as though nature takes rest via the children of talented parents. This is not the case at all. Simply and solely, the talent of such children is out in some other sphere, notwithstanding it frequently remains not properly understood and unrealized.

3. Assistance or harm

Time and again, observing that a child has got obvious capabilities for some things, the parents would sincerely desire to assist the child developing them. The problem turns up when the parents would take up a matter too eagerly and would make far-reaching plans, and so would turn a favorite thing to do into a duty. Very soon a child would lose its desire to be engaged in the things by which it was fascinated just a while ago. It would try to look for some other piece of fascination. If however, parents' attitude would not change in broad-brush terms, and they would intend to turn any activity of the child into persistent disciplined work, it could occur that neither of the activities would be a heart-to-heart one for the child. And the matter herein is not that the child does not possess any aptitudes, but it consists in the fact that they fail to develop neither of them. Because any talent can be brought to light in the child itself and it is impossible to do it forcefully.

A grown-up person would not frequently feel that fine line when a child performs something of one's own free will and when it does the same thing at the parents' bidding. As recently as yesterday the child was ecstatically fiddling around with paints, and today in response to the parents' words “Why aren't you drawing today? Go and draw! You wanted to become an artist, did not you? For this purpose you have to work and draw every day!”, the child would throw its paints rather far off and moreover, it would obtain a title of lazybones being unable to bring to a close not a single thing. That is all. Whether the child had an artistic talent remained unclear.

4. Seeking talents on one's own

It is not infrequent that the children would complain about the fact that their parents did not make any efforts to develop some sort of talent in them. Such an idea had not just occurred to them because they sincerely were of the opinion that their child is an untalented one and it could not possess any special capabilities whatsoever. There is nothing at all serious in this situation. Any individual, no matter how old he is, should look for his talent on his own part and should create conditions for its realization.

Subconscious Models

It is absence of demand that could become a serious obstacle on the way of any talent's realization. An individual might be as much talented as desired being aware of his calling and pursuing it. If however, his fruits of labor are not in demand, he will not achieve any satisfaction. A destiny of any unappreciated genius is unenviable, and therefore any desire to continue on the course will be gone soon. As a rule, an individual explains it like unsuccessful life circumstances, for instance, non-availability of financial possibilities, relations, assistance or any community being able to deservedly appreciate his work. Sometimes all these things are available, however it seems to an individual that a sphere in which his heart might be in, does not appear to be essential, necessary and up-to-date, and he would not find any application for his talents.

In reality all these circumstances turn to be just consequences of subconscious preferences of the individual himself. It is possible to correct them having realized one's own internal perceptions hampering the talent's growth. Then there will be removed a barrier, and life circumstances will start lining up consequently.

In each specific case these preferences are peculiar ones. However there also exist general subconscious models being typical for the majority of us, and being conditional upon single heritage of our country (Russia):

• You cannot be a successful earner because you may be punished for that.

• You should earn money by sweat of your brow. Let everyone see how you split your sides. Otherwise they could say that you have stolen the money.

• You should not show up. It is better to follow the crowd.

• We do not need many things. We have enough money for bare necessities, and God be thanked!

• Such things as hobbies, devotion and creativity are unserious ones-hereby you will not earn any money.

You have to conceive that all these preferences will not disappear on their own only because we do not agree to them. Possessing such models in one's subconscious mind, any individual one way or another would implement them in his life, not wishing that himself. The reason for this is fear that accompanies all these preferences and that inhabiting in an individual's soul attracts the things you are afraid of.

If however, an individual after having reconsidered subconscious preferences, having dismissed a sense of fear and having undertaken certain steps in his real life, a result would not delay to manifest itself. Very soon he would make sure that his talent is in demand. “All of a sudden” there would come a required telephone call, there would follow a collaboration invitation, there would be found a customer, a business partner or an investor and there would be offered remuneration.

A heady feeling of good luck, a personal state of being in demand and recognition would start up a mechanism on the known way. Any success would put a light to the talent with renewed vigor and would give the start to a new round.

Further on, it is required to back up a state of success rate, to develop one's mastership, without resting on one's oars and simultaneously to carry over a feeling of embodiment onto the other aspects of life.

Talent Is Love

Taking care of a heart-to-heart business, succeeding in it and being engaged in it with pleasure and with ease, and taking delight in obtained results means to remain “in a stream”, or in the energy of love. While unlocking his talents, every individual opens himself a door to encouragement, inspiration and love. So, it turns out that any talent is a key to love.

Having acquired the knack of doing something, and being located in a stream of inspiration and love, soon you will master to accomplish other things as well, even in those spheres where initially there were not observed any such capabilities of yours. That is exactly why they say: a gifted individual is talented in all things. And that is the case. When an individual develops a state of love in him, there also grows an amount of his talents, because “being talented” means “with love”, too.

In this place we would like to quote flash facts from our practice. Offering consultations to the people on the issues of personal potential realization, we found out that as soon as an individual starts working with topics of his talents, there take place drastic changes for the better in the sphere of interpersonal relationships. Such an inherent effect of being engaged in one's own business can be explained in a simple way: while discovering his own talents, any individual develops a state of love in him, and in such a manner he harmonizes all the spheres associated with love.

A talent is ready to open up for any individual at any moment, no matter where he is situated and what business he is engaged in. Instead of regretting the missed opportunities, just start actions in a new way right now.

Take a look at your contemporary life and try to identify what things you are now engaged in would be consonant with your inspirations, would bring you real satisfaction and would give joy of creativity. Such deeds are present in the life of every individual. You only have to distinguish them. On this way along, following recommendations will be of assistance to you.

Steps

Pondering on the talents, do not think about your occupation, your career and your job right away. Start with minor things. A heart-to-heart business could appear to be your capability to organize an evening party, to lay the table prettily or to drive a car passionately, your capability to listen to an individual and to render him support in the hour of need or your skills to dress yourself in an individual way.

No matter what sphere of business you are engaged in, just think of your heart-to-heart actions: whether you like to conduct negotiations, to address the meetings of people, to organize work of others, to draw up reports, to handle figures or to prepare texts.

Time and again the people are afraid of the fact that with the aim of developing talents they would have to drop everything and would turn over a new leaf from the ground up. In the course of time your life will be really changed utterly and completely. However, such abrupt moves will not be required from you at the very beginning. Your talent lies in the things you are engaged in nowadays. Just develop the knack of talented actions you could take even now, and it will become your first step on your way along.

There is a widely spread opinion as if the only task should be to come across one's own talent, and further on everything would go on by itself. This is not like this. Any talent requires its development, its perfection and its extension onto the other spheres of activity.

Without realizing this fact, dozens of talented and successful individuals in the past will not be able to settle their destiny. The gifted actors who used to collect packed audience once upon a time, and the talented sportsmen who used to amaze with their achievements are just some examples of how individuals stopped and seized to develop themselves further on. And on the other hand, the individuals having managed to expand their state of embodiment onto the other aspects of life feel like successful ones up to the present time.

A talented businessman having experienced good luck of turning his idea into reality one day would do it more than once again, however at a different level or in an entirely another sphere of activity. His faith in success gives light to people; it attracts resources and promotes achievement of new results. A principle of successful putting an idea into practice will come into action again.

For example, the same relates to a talented sportsman. The most valuable thing being acquired by a sportsman is not his technical execution, but а state of flight, invulnerability as well as incredible happiness of general recognition.

This is a triumph of victory for the sake of which such a long and difficult way is made. And if an individual would manage to transfer this feeling onto the other business, even not associated with sports, he will be successful in it as well.

Instead of this, many sportsmen experiencing colossal fear prior to life without sports would attempt to stay in it as long as possible, not wishing to put up with the fact that physical capabilities of each individual have got their limits.

Thus, it is impossible to exercise one's talent one day and to stay a successful individual all the time. Development of talents is an unlimited process, however due to that not less fascinating one. To find one's own talent means to come across happiness. And it is never too late to do that.

Proper Name: Do You Like Your Name?

Have you ever thought over what influence a familiar word being pronounced many times exercise upon you – your name? Among the entire manifold of words an individual's name remains for him one of the most significant words throughout all his life. This word is used to be heard to the address of an individual more often than others; he does associates his image with this word, and with this word he presents himself to the surrounding world. The name represents an individual himself.

Name as Security

Many dogmas provide the thought that some formula of the fate lies in a name and it's possible to get a power over the person discovering his real name. It's proposed to have several names to avoid this. They should defend person as an armor form attacks and don't allow anybody to penetrate.

Actually, name is a key that opens one of the doors on a way to the person. It's possible to approach energy field of the person with a name and impact on him somehow. Name is a reliable protection for a person if he likes it.

If a person feels comfortable with his name, if it sounds pleasant for him and he carries his name gladly, positive senses form inside him regarding his name, whatever it means and however surrounding people perceive it. Every time he hears his name, sees it in writing, writes himself or pronounces – his attitude to the name and his senses become involved as well.

Considering that a name is anyway permanently used by a person from day to day, the senses layer constantly. The more acceptance, respect, worth and gladness are among them, the more positive senses acquire a name and the more strong it becomes.

We all live among people and understand that our names are used differently. Pronouncing it, people may bless or judge us, pray for us or berate us. When a number of people who know us increase, the burden of a name rises as well, because it is used more often. People, who are on the close attention of huge amount of strangers, often use a pseudonym or leave an official representative name for society and in everyday life name themselves differently – that is one of the manners to save yourself from the outside influence.

A name may lose its force, if other people often berate, criticize, shame or connect it with certain negative quality. If a person correlates himself only with this name and perceives criticism at his own charge, not only the name suffers but a personality. It is necessary to understand that a name is not a person himself. Protective function of a name lies in its ability to face an attack and save a person from troubles.

The biggest damage for a name may bring a person himself.

If he doesn't like his own name, if it causes awkwardness, shame, disgust, timidity, annoyance or sadness, he fills with these senses his image and presentation about himself. It should be mentioned that others act up accordingly.

Counterpoint of a Name

The more names a person have the better. If the name has many derivatives and they all are used, it creates a volume counterpoint image of a name, according to which a person temporize, using one or another variant in relation to the situation. The man called Peter may express himself as Peter Ilyich, Petia, Petenka, Petushok, Pit, Piter, Petka, Petruchcho or Petrukha. The diversity of name make an opportunity to express yourself differently, play different roles and form different attitude to you. In this case the image of a name is quite stable, because it implies the existence of different qualities in the person.

A different matter is when, for example, a woman presents herself as Lyudmila Prokofyevna everywhere. Such strict and decisive image makes her express herself equally in any society and in any circumstances. Many business people – both men and women – don't come out from the image of a “big boss”, wherever they are.

If a person doesn't have anybody who may call him with tender and friendly names, he passes the necessity to express himself in such a manner.

Eventually a person may become stuck in the frame of the same image and lose a possibility to change.

Decisive and fixed image of a name won't let him deviate from the present sequence. If a name itself doesn't intend a lot of derivatives, different names, which a person is called in different circumstances, even if they are not connected with each other, help to make image more stable. A person creates a reliable image that will defend him in different conditions, having home name, amicable, representative, passport, christening and others. The main condition is to admire and use appropriate all these names.

Name and Woman's Senses

Senses, connected with a name, play a special role in a woman's life. When a woman falls in love, her sweetheart's name cares her ear and brings a wage of tenderness with every mention of it. Even if she considered this name neutrally before, it becomes more dear and honey after the time passes. The same continue until her feeling lasts towards this man. Loving his name, pronouncing it inside the soul with tenderness and warm, a woman surrounds the man with the same love, forms around him safe secure space and strengthens a connection between them.

Husband's surname is also important for woman's senses. Perfectly, she likes his surname, takes it with pleasure becoming married and gives it to her children gladly. If a surname of a man seems to a woman inappropriate, and she can't imagine herself using it, there is something inside the man she can't or don't want to accept.

Sometimes the reason of such non-acceptance lies in the point that man doesn't like his surname and feels with it uncomfortable.

If it's true, such a surname is weak and can't be used for continuation of this man's generation, indeed the woman reacts on this.

If a man likes his surname and uses it with honor, but nevertheless it is not to woman's liking, the reasons of her distasting should be looked for inside herself.

When a woman gives to her children her own surname, actually she insists on the belonging her children to her generation, her parents and herself. Women often act like that when want to underline superiority of their family in comparison of the man's generation, that is to say they that when a woman consider herself better than a man she bring up her children according to this idea. When relationships with a man go on wrong, a woman tries to erase her husband from children's lives rejecting his surname. In some situations such wish is explicable but mothers should remember about the impact of this on a child. For a boy rejecting his father will turn into the same behavior towards himself: in the adult life he will fatally face the situation when a woman doesn't take into consideration his opinion and act as she wish against his wants; he will have to make a lot of efforts to gain the weight and make his opinion important. Girls, who use their mother's surname, are awaited to repeat a destiny of women from this generation. Unhappy marriages, misfortune in personal life, loneliness, and ailment – all these conditions, anyway descendible, will act more quickly and bright, enforced with an efficient surname.

School Nicknames

Child's attitude to his name forms in the family. Surrounding people's perception of him – at school or in the yard – is a result of such attitude. If a child is ashamed of himself, feels shy about his name, he provokes other to laugh at him, tease and call bad names. That is why he becomes embarrassed and unsociable.

If a child feels himself confident, contacts easily, tells his name clearly by the acquaintance and corrects if it is called wrong, no teasing is frightful for him.

There are examples retold us by two clients. The first woman is oriented from a Central-Asian family, the other's parents come from Caucasus and they both studied at school in Moscow. The first woman shamed her orientation from the beginning, she felt awkward because of her appearance and unusual name for a Russian hearing. School times where a real suffer for her and all the time she wondered why hadn't her parents call her Lena or Natasha? When she became sixteen and got her passport, she changed her name into the Russian manner, but certainly, that didn't save her from problems. Shame that was forming for years is an inner problem and the only changing of the name is not enough.

The other school girl, vice versa, considered as the most bright and attractive girl in her class. She liked a lot her unusual name that was outlook among the simple names, the same as her bright appearance, voluminous hair and black eyes – in a sum, she considered herself beauty. While the other children spent holidays in summer camps, she went to her parents' native land, came back with exotic gifts and stories about unusual places she had visited. She described mountain rivers, endless meadow and local traditions so colorful that her classmates listened to her with surprise, and the mountain village, where she spent summer, seemed to them a kind of oversea.

As we see, the circumstances for children where the same but senses opposite. Feeling is given inside the family. In the first example we have found out that the girl's mother had difficult negative senses. After moving with her husband to Moscow, she lost all her relatives and friends and couldn't get used to the morals of a big city. Loneliness outland and melancholy for the native land where the senses she lived with and which her little daughter took over. In the same way the girl felt herself – loneliness, dissimilar from others and loyal to nobody.

Senses connected with a name accompany a person in an adult life as well. Even if a person has reached the level, when nobody may allow himself to mock about that orally, his own negative attitude will play a decisive role. If a person doesn't like his name or surname, he will make everything not to allow it sound frequently. For example, he will try not to be addressed by a name among strangers or don't say his surname. Every time when that nevertheless happens, he will feel at least strains. The name like that can't be a secure for a person. Over against, it burdens him, destroys his entirety and brings a sense of aloofness. The only suggestion in such instance is to change the attitude to the name. If it's impossible – change the name itself.

Should It Be Changed?

A recommendation to change one's own name is known well to psychologists, however it is not given frequently, and mainly when an individual finds such a desire in him himself or rather when non-admission of one's own proper name becomes so obvious that a situation requires immediate correctness. In our practice we had to give such a recommendation only two times up to now. In the first case an individual had lived through a series of hell and high water, and was preparing himself to start his life in a new place and from scratch. In the second case – due to necessity to cease a negative pace of developments and rapidly redirect his situation into a favorable stream.

Any name just like as any energy lives and dies. It could outlive an individual for a long period of time remaining in the memory of people; however it can also cease its existence whilst the life of an individual could go on.

In that particular case there would appear a necessity to have a new name: if a certain difficult longstanding stage has been passed by an individual already through, one way or another the situation has come to an end and there was closed a chapter in the history, then the name itself has already seen its service.

Whatever the case would be, an objective to change the name consists in the fact of setting up a new model of the life. And it cannot be done without any perception of the things that happened to be wrong in the old variant.

A change of the name itself would not give anything, if there would remain familiar feelings. You should comprehend that it is not the name being guilty in previous negative feelings, but the associations connected with them.

For instance, a young lady considers her name to be disharmonious being ashamed of it, and an idea to change it for another one would fascinate her at the very beginning. But as soon as we ask her to imagine her life with a new name, she would be overwhelmed by panic. She is afraid of thinking about the thing how she would explain such a change to her acquaintances. She feels uncomfortable in front of people, because of her indeed they would have to re-accustom themselves. At the long last, she would feel so much uncomfortable because of that undertaking that she makes up her mind to abandon. It points to the fact that a feeling of awkward manner is not associated with the name – it appears to be a basic feeling in the life of this individual. There isn't any sense here to change the name but you have to work on your attitude towards yourself.

Not always a change of the name would imply profound changes. In reality it turns out that more often an individual would rather prefer a name to be harmonious with the previous one. For instance, Lera instead of Valeria, Marusia instead of Maria, Tatiana instead of Tatyana, Natalia instead of Natalya, Darya instead of Dasha. From outside this difference could appear to be imperceptible one, but for an individual it is an essential one.

Sometimes a situation would require an official change of the name – it is important that as per documents you would call that individual in another way, otherwise a new name “would not work” without it. In the other cases such changes on paper are not of so much importance, though to the foreground there would come a necessity of learning to insist on ones' own right to be called in the way you like it. If your family name is pronounced with the emphasis on a certain syllable, and if it is your liking to have your name in its complete variant, but not in a shortened one, then you should not feel uncomfortable with it asking to call you exactly that way.

We had a case when a young lady by the name of Valentina used to suffer because of the fact that they would long calling her Valya, and it would consistently refer her to the image of а silver-haired auntie Valya from the broadcast “On a visit to fairytales”. Whilst the name of Valentina was considered by her being a lovely one associated with the most romantic holiday of the recent years – Saint Valentine's Day. Each time hearing “Valya” to her address, she would fly into a passion, however made no remarks. And the issue consisted only therein just to learn precising politely and calmly that she should be called exactly Valentina.

Only for Each Other

Sometimes new names appear of their own accord. For instance, there emerge romantic relationship between the young people, and they would give sweet names to each other which could remain for only both of them, but also slip out of the young couple. It bears reminding that the other partner should certainly be pleased with such a name and it should be a particular one being suitable just for him/her. Nothing would offend a beloved person more than his/her perception of the fact that he/she is for you not more than subsequent “bunny” or “pussy-cat”. Any pat name should be also used with certain carefulness. Anything that caresses the ear in private could bring you into an embarrassing situation in the presence of others.

A new name could do a good service to you. One our female client by the name of Elena used to comprehend that both men with whom she was connected by long-term relationship – her ex-husband and the current one would call her by different names. In the first case it happened because she would introduce herself as Alena because at the moment of getting acquainted there was her female friend with the same name Lena nearby, and she did not want to repeat herself just being one out two of them. So, from then onward it became the custom for her husband to call her always Alena. In their present relationship her husband being a foreigner started to call her Ellen on his initiative, just in an European manner what she likes very much, too. It is interesting that initially Elena is her mother's name, in honor of which her daughter was named. Internally she has never ever liked her resemblance to her mother, and she would always like to sever herself and be different from her mother; however their similar names would always bring her back. And her desire was realized unconsciously. While marrying she started a new life in which she would feel as a different person. And her new name used to help her in it.

What Should Be a Child's Name?

Thinking over a name of their child, the parents should bear in mind that quite often an individual comes into this life with a name already. Sometimes, prospective parents plan to give a particular name to their child, but when pregnancy occurs or when a child comes into this world, they change their mind giving him/her quite another name, more appropriate one. It happens like this because, while thinking over the future of our child, we do that in abstract way, and with the appearance of an individual there also comes his or her name.

Frequently, prospective mothers could obtain some prompts how to call their child. It happens sometimes that such information comes to them in a dream; now and then there are some prompts from their inner voice. Their senior children turn to be some good advisors in this matter. They are capable of being the first ones to recognize who is going to be born: a brother or a sister, and what should be the kid's name. You could listen not only to your senior children, but to your kid as well. If you are awaiting a child now, you can imaginatively apply to it asking whether it would like the name chosen by you.

It is desirable that both parents would be fond of their child's name. The opinions of the other family members are not so much important, but the parents' attitude towards their child's name plays a major role.

There are times when parents cannot come to their common opinion, however even in this case they should not give their child a name single-handedly, in opposition to the bedfellow opinion.

It is better to agree to a compromise and choose a name that more or less would suit both of them. Beyond attitude regarding their child's name there also stands their attitude towards the child itself – you should not forget about this.

One married couple used to apply to us at a time of anticipation of their firstling. They could not possibly agree upon; each of them wanted to give their daughter a name in one's own way, and each of them took a position insisting on his/her variant for the simple reason that he/she likes this name very much. As a matter of fact it turned out that deep in his heart the husband was fine with the option of his wife, however he had a feeling that he should give his daughter the name in honor of his loving grandmother who turned sick recently, and in all appearances would not ever get to feet any more. As it happened the wife was not against an option of her husband in broad-brush terms either, but she was afraid that this name would not be accepted by her family members because it happened to be too much uncommon in their cultural environment. As the result, when both of them agreed to come to terms, we asked them to imaginatively apply to the child in order to clarify what name out of two ones the child would like to have. It turned out that neither of these names would suit the girl. So, the to-be parents had to leave their efforts pleasing their family members and to look for the third option. And such a name was found quickly.

In Honor of Whom

If you give your child a name in honor of some given individual please bear in mind that therewith you would attire some traits of this individual into the character of your child, and the events of his/her life – into its destiny. Therefore, please check whether that individual was a lucky and healthy one having achieved some success in the life, being happy in love and having a family. If that individual passed away rather soon or was for instance a very good-hearted and generous one, but unhappy and unlucky, you should not give your child a name in his/her honor.

There are times that one child dies at a very young age, and the sequent one receives the very same name in memory of the first one. By doing like that, the parents would initially expect that the sequent child could replace the first one for them, and it would realize everything the first one did not have an occasion to do. You would rather not do like this. You should comprehend that there is born the other individual, and he/she has come not to replace it and not instead of it, but to take its own place and for its own life. Each child has both its own character and its destiny, and hence its name.

In general, the less your child's name calls for your associations with some given individual, particularly among those still living ones, the better it is.

In this case the name is not with any burden, it easily fits any individual and it acquires the traits being peculiar only to him/her. It is sufficient that this name has got a positive coloring in your eyes and possess pleasant character features, such as for instance energy, softness, justice or cleanness.

What to do if your family member would not recognize the name of child? Distorting, misinterpreting or even avoiding pronouncing it at all? Usually this strongly irritates young parents, because in such a manner the family members would demonstrate that they do not accept their choice and would not ever agree upon it. In this case you should rather quietly explain your point of view asking them not to call the child any more in the way you do not like. If an individual categorically denounces to call your child by its name, then together with him/her you should pick up some tender name for your child that would sound pleasantly for everyone.

Speaking about a name, in the Russian Language we make use of the verb “to bear”. We do say: “to bear a name with pride” or “to bear a husband's family name”. Indeed, any name is like our clothing. However we bear it during our whole life without putting it off.

It should be paid attention to the fact with what kind of feeling we bear own name, because the very same feelings we do bring in our own life.

*** The entire topic in this article about a name could be related to a family name, too. For brevity's sake we would not mention about it every time.