Read the book: «To Have And To Hold», page 5

Chapter Five

Noah was thinking.

About kisses. About perfect lips and sweet breath.

“What’s up with you?” Lily asked, shifting in her seat, looking incredibly young in riding breeches and a dark T-shirt.

Noah looked directly ahead. She’d become way too astute for his liking. “Nothing.”

“Yeah … right.” She crossed her arms. “I hope you’re not gonna hang around while I have my lesson.”

“I’ve got some work to do at the house.”

Lily turned her head. “Yeah—that’s right. Her place is a real dump.” She huffed. “I think you just want to see her again. I’m not a little kid, you know. I saw exactly how you were watching her last weekend.” Lily rolled her eyes wide. “And she’s not bad looking, I suppose, if you go for that type. She’s not like my mother.”

No one was like Margaret—thank God. But he wouldn’t be telling Lily that.

“Do you think you’ll ever get married again?”

That was a first. He looked at his daughter. She stared straight ahead, but Noah wasn’t fooled. She looked just a little afraid. And Lily never looked afraid.

Married? How could he explain his feelings to his daughter? Noah was pretty sure the younger kids would welcome a new mother into their life. And he … he truly wanted someone to share them with. He longed for a wife and a friend and a lover and all that corny stuff he knew made up a healthy marriage. He wanted what his parents had … years of trust and love. But it was a big deal, expecting a woman to take on four children. And he had no intention of bringing someone temporary into their lives. Noah didn’t want temporary. If he got involved again, he wanted permanence. He wanted … forever. He wanted promises that wouldn’t be broken. For the kids’ sake.

And mine.

His train-wreck marriage lingered like a bad taste he couldn’t get out of his mouth.

Is that why I didn’t kiss her back … when all I wanted to do was haul her into my arms?

The truth rocked Noah. He’d spent thirty-six hours wondering what kind of fool didn’t kiss a beautiful, desirable, passionate woman back when she’d made it so clear she wanted to be kissed. But he knew why. It wound up his spine. It filled his lungs. Fear. Fear that he’d want more. Oh, not sex … because he was pretty sure kissing Callie would quickly lead to making love to Callie. He wanted more of her. The more of her Noah suspected she wouldn’t want to give. To him. To anyone. He didn’t want to feel her, taste her and then have the door slammed in his face. He didn’t want to be rejected … left.

And she’d left before, hadn’t she? She’d moved across an ocean to change her life—to get away. From what, he didn’t know. What if she wanted to change it back? Noah wasn’t going to put his kids or himself through the risk of being wreckage in her wake.

It was best that he hadn’t kissed her back. Best that he stopped thinking about kissing her at all.

“So, would you?”

Lily again. Noah got his thoughts back on track. Marriage. Right. “Maybe one day.”

She scowled and harrumphed. “Do we have any say in it?” she asked, using the collective, but Noah sensed she was asking about herself. “I mean, if you’re going to shack up with someone, shouldn’t we at least be able to have an opinion about it?”

“Marriage is a little more than shacking up, Lily.”

She shrugged, looked straight ahead and remained quiet for about twenty seconds. Lily had something on her mind. “Did you know that fifty percent of all second marriages fail?”

He almost choked. Where the hell did she come up with this stuff? “That’s an interesting statistic, Lily. Where did you get it?”

“Social Studies,” she replied. “We’re studying human relationships this semester. There’s a boy in my grade who’s had two stepfathers—can you imagine? And Maddy told me that when her stepdad moved out last year it really sucked. She liked him a lot.”

Noah got his daughter’s point, delivered with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer. “I have no intention of jumping into anything, Lily,” he told her.

“But if you do get married again, how do you know she won’t run out like my mother did?”

I don’t.

And Callie … she seemed as fragile and unpredictable as the wind.

Lily didn’t say anything else, and when they arrived at Sandhills Farm she jumped out of the truck. It took him about ten seconds to find Callie. She stood near the house, in jeans and a flame-red T-shirt, one hand on her hip and the other held a cell phone to her ear.

She spun on her heels and looked at him. His heart pounded behind his ribs. That kiss … how did he forget about it? How could he not want to feel that again? Noah took a long breath and headed toward her. Lily reached her first and jumped around on impatient toes while Callie continued her telephone conversation.

She was frowning and clearly not happy with the caller. When she disconnected a few moments later he pushed aside his lingering thoughts about kissing her and immediately asked what was wrong.

“Just another irresponsible horse owner getting away with neglect,” she said hotly.

He frowned. “What?”

“I volunteer with an organization that saves abused and neglected horses,” she explained. “A couple of weeks ago I got word that there are three horses somewhere on the other side of town that are stuck in a bare paddock and need veterinary care. We’ve only had sketchy reports on their whereabouts so far. The owner moves them around to avoid impoundment.”

“That’s terrible. What can you do?” Lily asked in a shrill voice.

“Seize them, hopefully.”

His ever-astute daughter picked up on the obvious. “Isn’t that stealing?”

“Not when the owners are breaking animal protection laws.”

Lily nodded. “If you need any help, I’ll—”

“Leave it to the experts,” Noah said. “I’m sure Callie has it under control.”

“Your dad’s right,” Callie assured Lily. “But you can help me nurse them back to health when we finally find them. Joe’s saddled Samson for you,” she said as she pointed toward the sand arena.

Once Lily headed off, Callie turned to face him. Her eyes were blue and luminous. “I have a list,” she said quickly. She pulled a small piece of paper from her pocket and held it toward him. “Of things for you to do.” She made a dismissive gesture. “Of course, if you’ve changed your mind I’ll—”

“We had a deal,” he said, sensing she was mentally backing out from talking to him as fast as she could. She half shrugged and took a breath, trying to look causal, but Noah wasn’t fooled. The tiny pulse at the base of her throat beat like a wild thing. And the promises he’d made to himself only minutes before vanished. All he wanted to do was take her in his arms and kiss her Fiona greeted. “Good to see properly.

“It’s only small stuff,” she said. “A couple of windows that won’t lock right and the back fence—”

“No problem,” he said quietly and took the list.

“I’ll be about an hour with Lily,” she said and pivoted on her heels.

Noah watched her walk into the arena, back rigid, arms held tight to her side. He lingered for a few minutes and observed Callie’s interaction with his daughter. Lily looked unusually cheerful and he knew she was excited to finally be in the saddle. The lesson started with Callie laying down a firm set of rules and Lily agreeing to every single one.

Lily respected Callie. Somehow, Callie understood what Lily needed.

Noah experienced a strange pang in his chest, dismissed it and headed for his truck to unload the toolbox. He had a lot of work to do.

* * *

Callie was wound like a spring. She’d barely slept the night before and had struggled to concentrate during a lesson earlier that morning with Maddy Spears, her newest student.

She knew she had to concentrate on Lily … and ignore the fact that Noah was only a couple of hundred meters away.

I kissed him. And he didn’t exactly kiss me back.

She wasn’t sure whether she should feel relieved or insulted.

“How’s this?” Lily asked Callie, interrupting her reverie.

Callie focused her attention on the teenager. She was impressed with Lily. The girl had a natural seat and good hands. Once the lesson had concluded she eased on the long reining lead and called Samson to a halt in front of her.

“That was good. Well done.”

Lily raised her brows. “Do I get to ride off the lunge rein next week?”

Callie unclipped the lead. “No.”

Lily dismounted and landed on her heels. “Why not?”

“Balance,” Callie replied and handed the reins to her.

Lily frowned. “Huh?”

Callie began walking from the arena. “Every rider needs to start with balance. Once I know you’ve aced it, the lead comes off.”

Lily clicked the horse forward and followed. “And what if I don’t?”

“You will,” Callie said. “You have a good seat and soft hands, essential for a successful rider. Take Samson to the wash-bay and Joe will help you strap him down.”

Lily buried her face into the animal’s neck and smiled. “I can do it by myself.”

Callie raised her brows. “What was rule number five?”

Lily exhaled heavily. “Don’t question the four other rules.”

“Exactly. Go and get Samson sorted. I’ll see you when you’re done.”

When Lily was out of sight Callie considered her options. Hang around the ménage or show some guts and see what he was up to. Her boots made their way across the yard until she reached the house. She stood at the bottom of the steps. Noah had his back to her and she watched him maneuver an old window off its track, make a few adjustments and then replace it. Her heart raced. No man should look that good in jeans. He raised his arms and she got a quick glimpse of smooth skin beneath the hem of his T-shirt. Oh, sweet heaven. Suddenly, he stopped what he was doing, turned and looked at her.

“How was it?” he asked.

She gulped. “Huh?”

“Lily—how’d she do?”

Callie put the image of skin out of her mind. “Very good. She’s a natural.”

He smiled at her and she felt the power of it through her entire body.

“Are you okay?”

It’s just skin. I’ve seen skin before. “Yes,” she replied and swallowed. “I’m fine.”

He stepped away from the door. “She behaved herself?”

“She did,” Callie replied. “She’s quite sweet, actually.”

He grinned. “Well, I’m pleased the two of you are getting along.” He leaned back against the balustrade. “Seeing as that’s out the way, are we going to talk about us now?”

Callie took a quick breath. Here we go. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Yeah, there is.”

“It was just a kiss,” she said, and the moment she’d said the word kiss, she regretted it immediately.

“It wasn’t just anything, Callie.”

He was right. Callie felt it down through to her bones. “Okay,” she admitted. “It wasn’t.”

“So, what shall we do about it?”

Her heart raced. Do? “I don’t know if we … I don’t think we should do anything.” She took a deep breath and inhaled a burst of bravado. “We just won’t kiss again.”

There’s that word again … When the word should probably be bliss. Because she suspected that’s what really being kissed by Noah would feel like.

He smiled and came down the steps. “I don’t think I can make that promise to you, Callie.”

Stupidly, she smiled back for a second. “You didn’t kiss me back.” The words popped out of her mouth. “I figured you weren’t interested.”

He took another step toward her. “Would you like me to prove to you that I am?”

Callie almost swallowed her tongue. He is interested … he wants me. “Right here?” she asked, wondering what kind of madness had taken hold of her.

He shrugged. “Why not?”

Callie took a step backward. He wouldn’t, would he? Kiss her out in the open, where anyone could see? Possibly in front of his daughter? She warmed from head to toe. But no … she looked at him and saw he was smiling. “Are you teasing me?”

“Just a bit.”

Callie didn’t quite know how to react. Teasing and flirting were almost an alien concept to her. Craig had never teased, never flirted. It was always business, always work, always pushing toward being better, being the best. Only now, years later, did Callie realize how little laughter there’d been in their relationship. But Noah had a relaxed sense of humor, a relaxed sense of self. She was sure he worked hard—but he didn’t live to work. He lived for other things. Like his kids. It would be hard alone, raising four children single-handedly.

Craig hadn’t wanted one child.

In the end Craig hadn’t lived to see his son born. And Callie had buried them both within days of one another—her tiny son and the man who was supposed to have loved her but instead betrayed her.

The worst week of her life. Excruciating. Soul-destroying. Heartbreaking.

“Where are the rest of your kids today?” she asked, shifting her thoughts from Ryan. And, for some reason, she wanted to know where his children were and who was caring for them.

“With Evie,” he replied. “I didn’t think you’d want them underfoot while you’re working.”

“You’re right, I don’t,” she said quickly. Too quickly.

He’d heard the tremor in her voice because his brows slanted together for a brief second. “You don’t like kids?”

You don’t like my kids … that’s what his question sounded like.

Callie shrugged again. I adore kids, she wanted to say. If I had my way I’d have a dozen of my own and love them with every fiber inside me.

But that was a pipe dream. Ryan was the only child she would ever have. And I can’t replace him. I won’t let myself love like that again.

“I like kids,” she said softly.

“Me, too,” he said, smiling again. “Can I call you sometime this week?”

Callie was startled. “For what?” she asked, her heart beating wildly.

“Don’t look so suspicious,” he said quietly. “Nothing sinister.”

Callie felt foolish then. “Sorry,” she said on a breath.

“I thought you might like to go out sometime.”

Like a date? She should run as fast as she could. The idea of going out with him was terrifying. Because she sensed it was something she could get used to. “I don’t … it’s just that I’m … I’m better with horses than I am with people.”

“And yet you became a teacher?”

She shrugged. He had a point. She could have turned her skills toward training horses for the show circuit. But teaching the kids … that’s where she found real happiness.

“Speaking of which, I have to get back to work,” she said. “I have a new student starting in fifteen minutes.”

His green eyes scanned her face. “Business looking up?”

“Yes,” she said quickly. “Much better. I had a new student start this morning, plus three calls yesterday and now four new students starting over the next two weeks.”

“That’s good news for you.”

“I know,” she said, a little breathlessly because she always felt as if she didn’t have quite enough air in her lungs when talking with him. “When I lost clients following the incident with the Trent girls I wasn’t sure I’d be able to recoup. Sonja Trent accused me of discriminating against her daughters and threatened to lodge a complaint with the equestrian federation. Nothing came of it, of course, except she managed to persuade half-a-dozen parents to pull their kids out.”

“And then some jerk says he wants to see you lose your license?”

Callie smiled fractionally. “Ah—well, that was a bit of a red flag for me.”

“Rightly so, considering the circumstances. I would never have done it, you know?”

“I know,” she said, softer this time, feeling like their worlds were moving closer. “I lost my temper. When I called you a jerk I didn’t know you.” She paused, searching for the words. “I didn’t like you. But I know you now. I … like you now.”

I more than like you…

“I like you too, Callie.”

Her heart beat like a freight train and it was so loud she wondered if he could hear it.

Minutes later he took Lily and left, leaving Callie standing by the porch with a smile on her face so deep her jaw ached.

Lily arrived unexpectedly at Sandhills Farm on Wednesday afternoon, riding her bicycle. She wore her school uniform, sensible leather shoes and her black hair tied back in a ponytail. The uniform looked oddly out of place with her full makeup. “I’ve come to see Samson,” Lily told her when Callie approached her.

“Does your father know you’re here?” Callie asked.

She crossed her arms over her chest. “Sure.”

Callie began her next lesson with Maddy Spears and Lily began chatting with Maddy’s mother, Angela. They seemed to know one another quite well. Her suspicions were confirmed a little later, once Maddy’s lesson had finished and Lily came forward with a kind of indulgent authority and steered Maddy and Sunshine toward the washing bay, flipping Callie an assurance that the gelding would be looked after.

Callie gave the girls an opportunity to do the right thing and headed over to speak with Angela Spears.

“You know Lily?” Callie asked, slipping through the fence.

“Everyone knows Lily,” she replied. “Another marvelous lesson,” the other woman said before Callie could open her mouth. “You are a genius,” she said. “Maddy’s talked of nothing else but you for days now.”

“I’m flattered.”

Angela Spears’s perfectly bowed mouth beamed at her. Callie couldn’t help noticing how immaculately groomed she was. Riding breeches and grass-stained T-shirts had become her usual garb. Too bad—she looked pretty good in a dress. She hadn’t forgotten Noah’s reaction the night of the Twilight Fair dance. He’d looked at her dress, and her legs and her mouth…

“Noah was right about you.”

Angela’s words instantly grabbed Callie’s attention. For a crazy second she wondered if she’d inadvertently said his name without realizing it. “What do you mean?”

“He told me you were an amazing instructor.”

Her curiosity surged into overdrive. “He did?”

Angela nodded. “And he said I’d be foolish to let Maddy miss the opportunity to learn from you and that she couldn’t be in safer hands. Of course, I completely agree now,” she said. “And Maddy’s so looking forward to getting her own pony.” She let out an animated gasp. “Oh, you must help us select the perfect pony when the time comes—I insist. And I’ll pay you a finder’s fee, of course.”

By the time Callie had waved Angela and her daughter goodbye, Lily had disappeared. But she wasn’t hard to find. Callie headed for the paddock behind the house and found her sneaking morsels of carrot to Samson.

“So, Maddy’s your friend?”

Lily nodded. “My best friend.” She gave the gelding another treat.

Callie thought about the three new students she acquired that week. “And what about Jacinta and Skye Burrows and Chrissie Drew—are they friends, too?”

“Nope,” Lily replied. “But I think my dad knows Mr. Burrows.”

Callie’s heart skipped a beat. He’s looking out for me. It felt like forever since anyone had done that.

Normally she would have resisted the gratitude that coursed through her. On some level she should probably have resented it. Because interference meant involvement. It meant … intimacy. It meant she had cracks in her armor.

But she experienced none of those feelings. Only a deep-rooted appreciation.

And an overwhelming longing to see him again and tell him so.

Callie headed into Bellandale the following morning. She found the address for Preston Marine via the business card Noah had given her and parked outside the large building situated in the center of the town’s newest industrial estate. She got out of her truck and ran her hands down her jeans.

She was impressed the moment she walked into the showroom. A long and luxurious-looking cruiser was to her left and three smaller boats, including a catamaran with full sails, sat to her right. Printed designs on easels flanked each of the boats and more designs were framed on the walls. A circular reception area greeted her as she stepped onto the tiled floor and a fifty-something man came toward her. He wore pressed trousers and a shirt with Preston Marine logo sewn onto the breast pocket.

“How can I help you?” he asked politely.

Callie hung on to her nerve. “I’d like to see Noah Preston. Is he here?”

The man, whose name badge read Len, nodded. “He’s out back in the workshop.”

“Oh,” she shrugged. “If he’s busy I can—”

“You can wait in his office,” Len suggested and walked ahead, motioning her through a door on the left. “I’ll call him.”

Callie followed with unusual obedience, passing a small, efficient-looking woman who sat behind the reception desk, tapping on computer keys and wearing the same style shirt as Len. When she entered the office Len quickly excused himself, and Callie sat on a long black leather lounge. As far as offices went, this appeared better than most. And it was as neat as a pin.

She didn’t have to wait long.

“Callie?”

Noah stood in the doorway, dressed in chinos and the same corporate shirt as his staff. He stared at her with such raw intensity she was relieved she’d been sitting. Her knees would surely have given way if she’d been standing. “Hi.”

“Is everything all right?” he asked as he closed the door.

“Oh, yes. I just wanted to speak with you.” Callie felt absurdly self-conscious beneath his penetrating stare. “This is a nice office,” she said, desperate to fill the silence rapidly smothering the space between them.

“Do you think?” One hand moved in an arc, motioning to the chrome and glass furnishings. “I’m not sure. I’ve only had this place for about six months. Grace did the decorating. It’s a bit too modern for me”

And just who was that? “Grace?” she asked as she stood.

“My other sister,” he explained.

Stupidly relieved, Callie scanned the room again. “It is modern but appropriate, I think.” She relaxed a bit. “You said you’d just moved here?”

He nodded. “I’ve kept the original workshop down by the Port, but the business needed larger premises.”

“And a showroom?”

“Buyers are keen to see the finished product,” he replied. “Would you like a tour?”

“Maybe after we’ve talked.”

He closed the door and walked farther into the room. “Okay, let’s talk.”

Callie clutched her hands together. “I just wanted to … to thank you.”

Noah tilted his head. “For what?”

“For Maddy Spears, and Jacinta and Skye Burrows and Chrissie Drew,” she said. “And as of this morning I have another two students starting next month.”

He shrugged. “It was only a couple of phone calls.”

Callie knew it was way more than that. “It means so much to me,” she admitted. “My business …” She paused, and then shook her head. “My horses …”

“They’re important to you?”

“They’re everything,” she breathed.

Noah saw the emotion in her eyes and his chest tightened. “Because they don’t let you down?”

She took a shaky breath. “I … I …”

“Someone did,” he said and figured there was no point in holding back. “Husband? Boyfriend? Lover?”

“Fiancé,” she confessed on a sigh.

“What did he do?” Noah asked, preparing himself for the worst.

She hesitated for a moment. “He lied to me.”

Lies and deception went hand in hand—Noah knew that from experience. The fallout from his ex-wife’s infidelity had broken his world apart. “Then he wasn’t worthy of you.”

The emotion in her eyes shined brighter and Noah fought the impulse to reach for her. Everything about Callie affected him on some primal level. He wanted to hold her, soothe her and protect her. He’d never felt such a blinding need before.

She nodded and the gesture spoke volumes. “The horses … they make it simple, you know—uncomplicated.” Her hands came together. “Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you for helping me. I guess I’ll see you Sunday.”

“How about Friday?”

“What?”

“Friday,” he said again. “Tomorrow night. Dinner and a movie?”

Callie stilled. “I don’t really think a date is—”

He smiled. “Oh, believe me, this wouldn’t be a date. Just you, me, a DVD and the kids squabbling over a bowl of spaghetti.”

“Noah, I can’t.”

“Sure you can,” he said easily. “You wanted to thank me—so, thank me.” His voice faded for a moment, and then he spoke again. “Dinner, movie, simple.”

Silence stretched between them. He expected another refusal and waited for it.

Instead, she nodded and said softly. “Dinner. Yes, okay.”