White Squad

– Don't you understand that these newspaper guys like to embellish their articles?– says Deise, a black woman with full breasts, large ass and brightly black eyes.

– Speak up, Deise! – The woman able of creating light in the plain dark of her eyes – the bar owner flirts with the manicure.

– Stop it, Maneco. You are married and I know you can´t play because your wife keeps you on a very short leash!

– But what about Gil, will he make it? – asks one of the regulars at the bar.

– From what I recently saw on the internet, his chances are 10%. This will yield news in the papers, because that is what people like. – he comments.

– It´s also possible that 'the pigs will finish him' at the hospital.

– This is already just like the movies. It is easier for him to die in such a hospital bed, the kind we all will end in because we have no money, than to become a movie star.

– This Deise leaves nothing behind, a practical woman, ready for anything and with all the answers on the tip of her tongue– he blinks, flirting like crazy. – Deise, tell me something, when are you going to go out and about with me? You know, I've been waiting for this chance since I met you ...

A mulatto woman with a red leather handbag storms into the bar. Rosa complains, annoyed for not finding her car keys where they should be: on the clavicular! She translates: on the key holder. Maneco, who has been at work since six in the morning, asks for some patience.

– No excuses. I have a schedule, I'm a very busy woman. It is not because I am of black descent and I live in a community that I do not have my rights. Where are the keys?

Rosa checks out the traffic through the view she has from the top of the buildings and decides on a taxi. She comes out in short steps, showing her thin and muscular legs under close eyes, especially her No. 1 fan, her husband´s, and No. 2, her manicure´s.

– That is what it means, to be in true possession of your rights. That's right – Deise quips, glimpsing at the elegance of the sweet mulatto woman.

At the hospital, Roberta, leaning over a steel counter, hastily signs up the transfer papers for her husband. Her tracing is precise and culminates with a brush paint stroke at the name end. An official observes if the all the items have been filled in, while she is feeling proud about her daughter's profession as a journalist, for, without Tatiana, she would not have been able to get this release.

– The healthcare plan did not want to pay for the helicopter, but she is a journalist and has influence.

– Or at least they think I do. – corrects the journalist.

– That´s okay, the important thing is that we can now take your father to Rio. There, he will get better care and has more options – she emphasizes, going against a local employee.

– Madam, I'm sorry, but our hospital has all the conditions. What happens is that our equipment is not as complete as the ones the ICUs in Rio have.

– Yes, I understand, in fact, it reassures me I´m doing the right thing in taking João Henrique to Rio. We are at home there and have well-known doctors.

– I'm sorry, ma'am, but the doctors in Teresópolis are very good and recognized by the population for an efficient service, comparable to those in Rio de Janeiro.

The helicopter lands in a cloud of dust in the center of the hospital's courtyard lawn. Lying on a transport stretcher, João Henrique is accompanied by two nurses and a rescue worker.

The aircraft flies over the Serra dos Órgãos mountains, an infinitely deep blue-green. A dense fog disappears with the device, over just the typical sound of a bee sandwiched on the glass, turning the path between life and death – black and white, fear and sigh, lightning and surface – to be infinitely cruel to Roberta and Tatiana from now on. And who said life would not be predestined to be hung by a thread?

II

Tatiana drives back to Rio without delaying her eyes´ curtain over the landscape that tries to hide her anguish. The moment is exclusive and it settles like a cone protecting the dialogue between mother and daughter. They go down the mountain and take the time to disarm themselves, at this right moment, to cry and vent. Roberta has maintained an almost morbid silence for a long time.

– First they said João had a fractured rib, which would heal on his own, and yesterday the doctor reported that the tests showed a lung perforation. I can't take it!

– Easy now. Dad has always been healthy, he never smoked, he played sports. I assume that the lung problem can be overcome with antibiotics.

– That's if he doesn't get pneumonia. Would the solution come only by a miracle? I am tired of this brainwashing based liturgy, the collective that does not respect the individual being, an atheist!

– Mother, I believe there is a Force, something like that, that moves the other forces that we are.

– The Force, the Energy, the Good, the Bad, what is the reason for this certainty that things are governed in this way? I've been at my limit since I saw your father like that. He does not deserve it, he has always been a person filled with the best possible intentions, one of the most humanitarian people I have ever seen, but the faithful, “fearful of God”, do not think like this. All the good that happens to them is due to Him and not to their ability to work, to have struggled to raise a daughter and make her finish university with his daily life sweat. University books? Expensive, Roland Barthes, the English and French dictionaries, computer classes, TV direction and film script courses.

– I know what you did for me. You even left the Fine Arts course to continue working in the store.

– It was a more than just cause, but when your father leaves the hospital I will review this part of my life. All that that is happening is a shock that I have to overcome, but he is alive and survived a direct collision, on foot, with a car. This is luck.

– I went to the police station and did some research if there was an accident that day, something that had the characteristics of the pick-up truck that crossed the road and ran over Dad, but there was no similar occurrence. What weighs in all this is disinformation. In the countryside, everything is so slow and backwards that I don't think I'll ever discover anything. And whoever ran dad over never stopped to help. It's unacceptable what people do for fear of getting involved, and this guy had to go to jail for it. We have to find out who is responsible, it is not possible that nobody saw anything, there were houses close to the highway, some witnesses are probably ...

– Leave your journalist instinct for the moment, because finding out who hit him won't help, I´m sorry.

– Love Instinct, daughter's love, and Justice. I am very close to Dad and besides, you know that I cannot turn a blind eye to events.

– And I can't think of anything except his image, full of probes and devices, poor thing. Immobilized, sedated, full of pumps. I wanted to talk to him so badly so he wouldn't feel alone.

Roberta pours into tears. Tati stops the vehicle on the shoulder and hugs her. The two mix their tears for a few minutes.

– You should stop being the world´s mother. Dad is strong and I am fully independent. Think about yourself now, about traveling more, seeing the works of art you like in loco, getting out of the routine. But, by plane, please. What I am trying to tell you is that it is enough sacrifice already. It's time to look inside you, resume painting, take care of the wounds you treated with patched cloths. Trust the doctors, they have sworn an oath and have a responsibility to life, at least to the people who give their lives to them.

Roberta smiles for the first time. Tati rejoices, because she always felt guilty: how many times she got home late at night after college and when she put her key in the door she heard her voice, warning about the food in the oven: roasted meat with vegetables, together with a recommendation. "Do not forget the salad because vegetables are essential for those who study a lot, it helps memory". The journalist was always amused, from the top of her heels and also a few beers, either from the mention of studying or the difficulty degree found in journalism universities in Brazil.

In a hotel room in Chartreuse, snow begins to foam on the window, confusing day with night. The snow lightening the night and the popping of ice on the glass resemble the sensation from those children´s snow globes, when we shook them and it happened to snow on Santa's sleigh.

A child's dream in Brazil has always been about snow. But the doctor never shied away from dreaming and very high. For her, "the day" would come, even when the feeling of an annihilated dream overrode the routine in hospitals. The change was happening precisely due to the losses.

At first, when a patient died on hospital shifts, she weakened inside. It was the rule, for a new and recently graduated doctor, to hear "one day you will get used to it". It has become almost a joint statement. And it is true, because she learned to work with layers in her mind, a pleasant replacement. She replaced the nightmare with the magical drink at night. A maximum of two glasses of wine, liqueur and, occasionally, a 12 year old scotch to celebrate. On call, “that was my ordeal”, she told her closest friends, in fact, lovers. Here is the second layer. There was no heterosexual friend she hadn't slept with. It was like it had become an obligation. No Sadomasochist, just a woman who turned sex into a common sport, "cheap", as she said. Afterwards, she chose to pay for professionals, precisely for “an unquestionable advantage. They are discreet, do not listen and only say what I want. I conclude that I do well ”– she thinks, while enjoying herself in the hotel room with Cadú.

They play their favorite game: treasure hunt: a hundred dollar bill anywhere in the room, always well hidden in a dark place. Cadú begins his investigation in the shoe rack, full of twenty high-priced pairs of Italian suede. They all have the same model, an expensive whim that he has been feeding lately, thanks to the generosity of others, namely Lyanne. By the way, the redhead does have fun ...]

– Come here and see if you can find the little treasure right here. Do you know where it is? Come fishing – points under the sheet.

– You will not regret it!

– Only if you're fishing with your tongue ... – she suggests, maliciously.

– That's how you want it, Lyanninha, hoisting the treasure from deep inside, isn't it?

Cadú dives in her legs. Every great pleasure has an end and a reward. The doctor is reluctant against instant pleasures, but after it happens, it is final. A long orgasm and she reveals the hundred dollar bill in her hand. He's worthy. Voilá.

The medical team is unanimous about the serious state of the shooting victim who just arrived at the hospital's emergency. Conrado makes his considerations while examining the extent of the wound in Gil's abdomen cavity. The nurse indicates there is a vacancy at the ICU.

The rescue helicopter lands on top of the building. The assistants transport the stretcher with João Henrique to the interior of the hospital, towards the ICU.

The last spot is occupied by the shot man. Gil is being prepared to receive the monitoring devices. The stretcher with João Henrique arrives at the door, but is stopped by the head nurse, warning that there is no availability. Confusion arises with the approach of a group of assistants to watch the scene – or rather – learn which decision will be made. The doctor on call is the one who will ultimately resolve it.

Conrado is called to the intercom and appears in a few moments sporting his usual air of absolute tranquility. Lucia asks for his attention.

– It's an embarrassing situation, doctor. The ICU is already full with twenty-six patients.

– You have to wait or transfer the last patient. What is the doubt?

– It seems the administration does not recommend it.

– How so? Order of arrival, this is the rule.

– The one who arrived first is shot.

The nurse informs about the reason for such recommendation: the Health Plan status. Conrado understands the situation: a question of values, the Health Plan is superior.

– And what is the second patient´s state?

– Rib fracture and lung perforation.

– Let me see both files. João Henrique Nogueira, 60, stable. Transferred from Teresópolis. The other one...

Conrado receives the message with the recommendation in favor to the hit and run patient. The doctor communicates the decision to remove the shot man from the ICU and "place the insured one, that is, the 60-year-old patient. Matter of age ”.

Gil is abandoned in the corridor and the nurses transfer the tube and artificial respirator to the new patient. João Henrique receives first care at the ICU. Fate hangs on the balance: who will survive?

The question´s echo does not survive in Conrado´s mind, watching a TV shopping channel in the call room.

Conrado has adapted. Back int he day, he was an idealist in his profession. The son of dedicated doctor Miguel Conrado Connor operated on insects as a child. He started by capturing beetles on his father's farm. Conradinho amputated the beetles' legs and recovered them with improvised prostheses made from matchstick barbs. Miguel always guided him on Medicine, he used to say that Medicine was not limited to a promising profession, but to humanitarian work. As a matter of fact, he wanted to be a veterinarian. “One day I will save all the animals”, he dreamed. At the age of eight, he already had skills. He took care of Mimi, a gecko with a cut tail. Conradinho had fixed it with a band-aid using eyebrow tweezers. The patient was kept in a soluble coffee glass with a roof adapted from a perforated red plastic lid, in order to provide ventilation. Conradinho visited her every morning in a sacred ritual. He picked up the house inside his church shoes box in the closet, and, when Mimi reacted, it was a relief. “How cute, she's dancing, she's happy!”, He vibrated. Feeding was solved thanks to the food he kept in a matchbox containing live insects. One day, Mimi was not interested. He found her dry with her belly up, she was his first patient to die. He vowed never to treat animals again. He isolated himself inside the closet and his parents never knew what happened, much less that their son was sensitive.

Well, nowadays, death still lingers in the doctor's mind, however in an uncompromising way. General practitioner, Conrado specialized in oncology by his own choice. Some of the old people who attend his private practice three times a week are already gone. Conrado always advises his patients that "cancer is not only physical, it is the pain of the soul, sadness, anguish and loneliness".

– But who doesn't have these problems? – questioned his mother, whom even he couldn't save.

That day, back in the 90s, in a hospital bed, he noticed death showing his compassionate face. He never forgot the expression in his mother's eyes, asleep on the horizon, and how they seemed inert and opaque, so far away. Darkness took over his heart for many years, without medicine, without a cure, without the soul he once sought in his actions.

“Now it's boredom: fame and money. Every kind of rite of passage results in a change in behavior and that's the way it is, it settles, Conrado ”, he repeats to himself until the nurse enters with a new emergency.

Wagner looks 40-something years old thanks to his long hair with almost no gray, in a pure rock singer biotype. Nervous, he has an eyebrow twitch as if transmitting in a special Morse Code.

– The pain is here, in the chest, a sharp pain. I was playing soccer with friends and felt my heart.

– Do you smoke? Do you use any medication?

– No, just pot.. and lightly ...

– Wagner, let's do this – the nurses laugh in secrecy, but the doctor remains discreet. – We will apply a medication to normalize your heartbeat. Initially, it seems like an extra systole, but I need to confront the exams first.

– No problem, Doctor Conrado, I can take a leave for a few days. I'm a musician. I don't have a wife or children, I'm a loose animal in life.

Conrado decides to proceed to a complete check-up and leaves the room avoiding an “immature” explanation as a response. On the way to his office, he is commonly checked out by the infirmary girls, including Carminha, responsible for his nickname, "Doc Cock", Conrado checks them out discretely, but she continues to look at him as a divine delicacy. The doctor responds the gesture by stroking his red Lamy in his lab coat pocket as a sign of his potency, leaving a trail of testosterone. The rumors that he likes all kinds of sex genders, numbers and degrees, make the subject much more interesting for Carminha.

– Everything that is consented between sexual partners is ok – Carminha states. – Girls, this has become a thing of the past: sex for three, group, tribal. Have you read Erica Jong in your life? I bet you never read anything but self-help books. A woman who doesn’t act on her sex fantasies is problematic, see? And that does nothing but get her fat!

Carminha is never limited in this regard, her famous stories are told at times, when the emergency room is not very busy. Speaking of which, lately she has been dwelling on the development of her pure pleasure theory. The nurse uses a refined technique and introduces the secrets of pompoirism to colleagues hidden behind the counter.

– Gently place one at a time. It is necessary to learn to control yourself completely and introduce the balls little by little. When you feel that you are already full, expel one by one. The feeling inside is like being particularly lubricated. As the air bubbles come out, a small vacuum occurs inside the vagina. At each round, the feeling gets greater and longer, better even than coming through traditional ways.

– But it is still a penetration, right? – a colleague questions .

– I would say a selected penetration. And, in particular, a sure and practical satisfaction. Thai balls are to be used anytime and anywhere, even in the bathroom.

On this personal issue, Carminha prefers to refrain from details, but recalls that, until today, the only person in the hospital to whom she confessed her innovations was a beloved patient, the old lady who died after a coronary catheterization. She liked her as if she were her mother and always took the opportunity to amuse her. She appreciated her eccentric humor, her curious eyes and the accent that gave her a prophetic air. The nurse had never forgotten their conversations.

– Sex is the driving force of life. Renews the skin, the cells and even the soul, you know? It is like an exfoliation of the soul, removing the skin and dead residues and creating a new layer instead.

It is true the old woman never doubted the kind nurse´s stories, but expressed concern, with her reticent eyes, at the excesses committed by the "sexually restless" young woman.

– But Carminha, aren't you afraid of being targeted?

– I have a firm position here, I will soon assume a tenure, a lifelong position. Seriously, I do many favors in this hospital, in addition to being very competent.

– You are very dedicated, caring and intensive.

– That is the right term, I see that you are getting the mood. Keep this secret between the two of us. In fact, here I have already “had” everyone, that is, the ones who interested me, only Doc Cock is missing, that's how I call Doctor Conrado. He's the hunkiest and one of the most experienced doctors here at the hospital.

– I am happy for that, Carminha, because it is he who is taking care of me.

– You are in good hands, ma´am.

Noise of hurried heels in the corridor. Roberta and Tatiana arrive. The nurses resume their disguises and promptly get up, each with a last-minute accessory: clipboard, pen and medical record. Carminha is ready to help them while the others look for tasks typical of a stationery counter.

– The patient you are looking for is in the ICU. According to the document, due to a lung injury.

Conrado analyzes the medical records folder for June 2010 and finds what he wants. The Yonne de Champs’ report qualifies the situation as a late complication after surgical intervention: Hospital-acquired infection “With this report and official information, police officer Martins will be at peace!”, He concludes. Conrado recalls that he had been responsible for the coronary catheterization on the seventy-eight-year-old French professor. Miss Yonne was an amusing lady, despite the heavy accent that made her speech harsh. She was an old acquaintance of the employees and even became a character in the hospital, since she had been hospitalized twice for heart attack.

The patient liked to talk to the nurses on duty, who would look forward to her final word on personal matters. Conrado was aware of the comments in the halls that she was Nurse Carminha's favorite patient, “the girls' sexy and delicious sex teacher”. For this reason, he knew that Miss Yonne was amused by Carminha's spicy stories. Once, he was even asked by Renato about this relationship. The patient's son said that, although he was not sure if the stories had a delirium percentage typical of her age, she was very fond of her company. Conrado, who became the family´s doctor, always knew the nurse taught sex classes in the X-ray room and gathered a team of colleagues to communicate the releases of new sexual accessories. Yonne made this comment with natural affection.

– I confess that I love the way Carminha describes the details, she has a talent for writing. It is good to ward off evil spirits, doctor, so I get less concerned with the surgery.

The following morning, Miss Yonne underwent an operation to introduce a pacemaker. She did well in her usual mind lightness. That day she received a yellow rose from an anonymous woman and kept it in a glass of water by the bed. The night went by without surprises until Conrado was called over the phone. The new tests indicated that his patient's platelets had dropped a lot.

Conrado received Renato in his office.

– I do not understand. She was having a spectacular improvement. How could it happen, Conrado?

– I liked her very much, but we cannot predict, even with the hospital taking all precautions in terms of sepsis and bacteria control. What affects the elderly the most? If it were the bacteremia that affects 20 out of every 100 thousand elderly people, according to the WHO, but what happens is that hospital infection is ruthless. Even in this hospital, which is monitored by a Hospital Infection Control Commission and presents rates below 15%, every doctor´s fear happens, in short, that of HI. It is unpredictable, even more so in the elderly. I am terribly sorry.

Conrado comes back to reality with three knocks on the lime green door. Roberta and Tatiana introduce themselves.

– My husband came from Teresópolis. He arrived by rescue helicopter, Dr. Conrado. Why did he go to the ICU?

The mention of the insurance company brand makes an immediate connection in his mind, only remaining to him to explain the case in doctor details.

– It is not about that, ma´am, it is protocol. A transferred patient must stay at the ICU before going to a private room. Mr. João Henrique presents a left lung perforation caused by a crack in one of the ribs. It is necessary to do rates control and a complete patient monitoring, especially in the case of lung injury.

– I believe I understand. He left a hospital and was boarded into a helicopter. On the way, whatever is in the air until he reaches a safe environment ... – says Roberta.

– Exactly, safe. The ICU has all the devices needed to monitor the patient, – Conrado says.

– What is the prevision for him to leave ICU?

– First of all, we will give him a selection of medications to help regenerate the affected lung. I believe that in a few days we will have a conclusive report.

Conrado smiles in order to end the conversation. As soon as they leave, he returns to the death folder. He holds it for minutes, but his mind enters a spectacular phase of erotic dreams.

Tatiana and Roberta leave without saying a word. Their looks understand themselves and await a point of light at the end of the tunnel. They cross the street in irregular steps, and the gloom covers the afternoon.

They sit at a table in a restaurant crowded with executives. Roberta smooths her long brown dyed hair and remembers she hasn't even looked in a mirror for 48 hours. Elegant in navy blue velvet pants and a silk blouse printed in neutral colors, heads for the bathroom. In the background, a man looks at her carefully: a well-defined body for her age, long and firm legs, and a breast lap showing, exuberantly pink. Undoubtedly, a captivating woman with a striking walk crosses the hall.

In the toilet she finds a brunette who looks at her with concern. Roberta wipes her face with a handkerchief, wiping away the tears that fall like lightning rain. It is a storm that passes through the destiny of the well-balanced, brand clothing store manager. Ashamed, she justifies herself in the mirror in front of the stranger.

– This hospital stuff finishes us up. My husband is there.

– My friend too, Junior.

Rosa straightens her hair in a bun. She puts on her “Hollywood star fleeing the paparazzi” glasses, but she can´t hide her distress.

– My friend went for routine exams. He's been my friend since I was a kid, when we played in high school. But what happened to your husband?

– Car accident. In fact, he was hit by a madman in the BR highway. We ran out of gas, he was pushing our car on the road and ... Don't even remind me.

– You´re nervous...

– It is true, possibly the effect of PMS together with remorse. I don't know, lately I've been out of my Earth address.

– Look, believe me. Everything will work out fine.

Rosa says goodbye and leaves, closing the toilet door carefully, ever so lightly like feathers. Roberta washes her face in search of immediate relief as if there could be an island of peace.

Tati looks for a spot in the restaurant to talk to her boyfriend on the cell phone. Ronaldo's voice is calm and rhythmic, which conveys his usual security, but she avoids lingering and looks around for her mother. Ronaldo insists on taking a company jet to Santos Dumont in Rio, but his girlfriend is tough. Controls herself all the time, but there is no more climate for both.

Roberta arrives and Tati hangs up the phone. Random affairs and denial are the artifices most used at this time.

– It was my editor on the phone, next week, the story is mine. – She conceals easily.

– You are so good at what you do, will they give you credit for the article this time?

– It depends on the material and how the final edition will look like. A today news theme forces the journalist to beat the others to the matter.

– It will be all right. – she says, remembering the comment from the girl in the bathroom.

– I already ordered for both of us. Fish fillet with passion fruit sauce, noisette potatoes and arugula salad with Italian tomatoes.

– Waiter, an orange juice.

– And a vodka – insinuates Roberta.

The two laugh in restrained emotion, leaving the waiter confused. At the end of the room, a gray-haired man gives Roberta a wink, and she despises him of the bat. The man realizes his failure but, not a bit shy, throws himself at another victim, a professional sitting at the barman's counter. The woman in a dress glued to the bluish black skin removes her leopard bag from the seat next to her, facilitating his approach.

Rosa approaches a nurse in the middle of a tumultuous corridor crowded with white coats. Her heart goes to her stomach and comes back in a spasm of fear. The employee is in a hurry, but is obliged to attend to her. Lucia is impatient, after all, it is not the task of a head nurse.

– I'm looking for a guy who came in last night, named Gilberto, he was shot.

– A boy named Gil arrived, he is in the infirmary.

– But a shot patient in the infirmary, why?

– Miss, the ICU was full, we only have twenty-six beds. The doctor is examining him now. Are you a relative?

– No, a friend of his. – disguises Rosa.

– Oh, ok, no one has come yet, could you tell the relatives? The emergency phone is this one, call later to get patient information! But for visits, relatives only.

– Was he operated on? Is he reacting? Where was the shot? Is he in any risk of his life? Nurse, Gilberto is like my brother. Please be human, at least that.

– I can only guarantee what's on the file.

Rosa gives up and finds Roberta at the elevator door. They exchange few phrases, pressed by other passengers.

– I need a favor, my friend Junior has no one and if you can give me news, call me, my phone is ...

People are in a hurry. The elevator doors close and take her hope away.

"So... Humanity is worth nothing but a sewer of cruelty and human remains ”, Rosa remembers a verse from her bedside book that fits like a glove.