A New Catalogue of Vulgar Errors

PREFACE

To explain the Use of Education, no Method can be more effectual, than to shew what dull Mistakes and silly Notions Men are apt to be led into for Want of it. These Mistakes are so numerous, that if we were to undertake to divulge all the Errors that Men of no Knowledge in the Sciences labour under, the shortest Way would be to publish a compleat System of Natural Philosophy, which Learning, as it may be acquired by reading the different Books, which have already been wrote upon that Subject, in this Æra of the Sciences, such an Undertaking would be quite needless at this Time, even supposing the Author capable of that laborious Work.

If the following Sheets do but serve to divest Men of some of those unreasonable Obstinacies with which they and their Forefathers have long been prepossessed, the Time will be well laid out, both of the Writer and Reader.

Be not affronted, gentle Reader, at my taxing thee with Error, with Obstinacy, or the like; thou mayest not be one of that Stamp; for any Thing I know you may have studied the Sciences, you may be well versed in Mechanics, Optics, Hydrostatics, and Astronomy; you may have made the Tour of Europe, if not, you may soon do it in Post-Chaises, and be almost as wise as you was when you went out; or you may be one of those whom bountiful Nature has blessed with a most excellent Understanding, a quick Apprehension, and a discerning Judgment, and yet not have been so fortunate, or unfortunate, which you think proper to term it, as to have been brought up a Scholar.

Scoff not when we dwell so much upon Scholarship; for I would have thee know, whether thou thinkest proper to believe me or not, that had it not been for the four Branches of Learning abovementioned, thou wouldest not have been smoaking that Pipe of right Virginia, which in all Probability (whether thou art a Farmer in the Country, or a Mechanic in London) thou art now most pompously blowing to Ashes: Neither would that charming Bowl of Rum and Brandy Punch mixed, have waited at thy Elbow to inspire thee with generous Sentiments (which Punch, let me tell thee, if thou drinkest in Moderation, may keep thee from the Ague, if thou livest in the Hundreds of Essex.) – Nay, thou wouldest not even have known what it was to have tasted a Plumb-Pudding, which, tho' now, thy Palate being vitiated with salt Pork and Mustard, and bottled Beer, thou hast no Relish for, yet thou mayest remember the Time when thou didst think it most delicious Food. To Philosophy art thou beholden for all these Dainties and Comforts of Life, which if thou dost contradict, and dost still obstinately persist in thy own Opinion, and wilt not be convinced of thy Errors, know, Dust and Ashes, that thou art not sensible whether thou movest or standest still; and dost imagine, that the glorious Sun is an extempore Whirligig.

Wonder not, Reader, if thou art a Man of Sense, that thou shouldest be mistaken in many Things: For what Mortal can pretend to such Knowledge as never to be mistaken? Truth is more difficult to be found out than is generally imagined: Error is easily fallen into; by so much the easier as the Odds are against us: For in the Disquisition of any Point, there are numberless Wrongs, but there is only one Right. Numberless Falshoods and Errors may be raised about any Thing, but Truth is invariable, and remains the same to all Eternity.

The following Sheets will not contain many philosophical Terms; we shall rather avoid such a Step as would hinder a great Part of our Readers from understanding us, and shall endeavour to explain ourselves by such Methods as the meanest Capacity will be able to comprehend. Moreover, all such Subjects will be avoided as may interfere with any religious Tenets, it not being the Intention of this Pamphlet to deprive Men of their Rest, by tearing from their Consciences those fixed Protestant Principles of Religion (let them be what they will) which they and their Ancestors have long and peaceably enjoyed. But our Disquisitions will be chiefly confined to natural Objects, and the Phænomena which daily present themselves to our View. We shall likewise endeavour to rectify some of those Mistakes in the common Arts of Life, whether of Business or Pleasure, which Men by an accustomed Tradition are apt most obstinately to persevere in.

INTRODUCTION

The third Error is one which Sir Thomas Brown has taken Notice of; and it must be acknowledged, that the inserting of it here was a Mistake. However, we hope that it will be excused, since it is seven Years since the Author of this little Pamphlet had the Pleasure of reading a Part of Dr. Brown's Vulgar Errors, and then he did not see that Error; it being not regularly placed among the others, but in a separate Detachment from the main Body. Notwithstanding the general Perspicuity of this Author, we are apt to think that he never heard a Bittern himself, but only went by Hearsay with respect to the Noise which is made by that Bird, however skilled he shews himself in the Anatomy of it. He says, that it differs but little from the croaking of a Raven. We can assure the Reader, that neither the Noise it makes when it draws in the Air, nor the Sound it gives when it throws it out again, have the least Resemblance to the Croaking of a Raven, as he calls it.

A Raven makes a much shriller Noise than any of the Crow Kind, notwithstanding it is a larger Bird. I make no Doubt but the Voice of a Raven is twelve or thirteen Notes higher than the Voice of a Rook; besides, he makes his Notes quick and sharp one after another; whereas a Bittern takes near five Seconds between every Sound, and (as will be affirmed) in as deep a Note as the fourth String of a double Bass.

ERROR I

That the more Ammunition is put into a Fowling Piece, the farther it will do Execution.

This Error is often of very dangerous and dreadful Consequence; I have known People so obstinate in it, that even ocular Demonstration would not convince them of their Mistake.

It proceeds from a Notion, that the more a Gun recoils, the better and stronger will be the Force with which the Shot fly out.

There is nothing which requires more Nicety and Exactness than the finding out the proper Charge of a Gun; it is something similar to finding out the Tone of a musical Instrument; of which more in its Place.

It will be sufficient here to say, that every Gun has a certain fixed Quantity of Ammunition, with which it does the most Execution. I have seen Lectures in the Art of Gunnery, which come under the Science of Mechanics, and even the Author himself, though a Man of Learning and Abilities, seems to have been ignorant of the Art of charging a Gun, when he says, "If you put in a Gun, a Ball upon a Quantity of Powder as (1), it will throw the Ball to such a Distance; if you put in a Quantity as (2), it will throw it as far again." This seems to be a Mistake; because, if that was the Case, a Person would have nothing to do but to put Powder enough into his Gun, and have the Barrel made strong enough, and he need not fear killing at any Distance. As to the Recoil it would give, if the Gunner was a strong Country Gentleman, and a keen Sportsman, and an Englishman, it would be the least of his Thoughts whether it struck him a great Blow or a small one.

But to the Point: There is no better Way of finding out the proper Charge of a Gun, than by the Report it gives. If there is too much Powder and too little Shot, the Report will be a kind of a deep Roar; if too little Powder and too much Shot, it will be an insignificant, short, narrow Smack; but if it is charged properly, the Report will be a smart, shrill Clap, something resembling Thunder.

This is the Reason why the Report of a Sportsman's Gun is so different from that of a Field-Keeper's. The Field-Keeper has, or ought to have, no Shot in his Piece; the Sportsman's is properly loaded.

In short, there is a Tone in the Barrel of a Gun, and the better the Temper of the Metal is, the more shrill will be the Report, and the farther it will do Execution.

I have dwelt the longer upon this Subject, because a Gun is an ugly Weapon in the Hands of those who are either ignorant or careless, or both.

II

That the Heron makes a Hole in the Bottom of her Nest, through which her Feet hang, when she sits upon her Eggs.

What seems to have led People into this Error, is, the Appearance which a Heron makes upon her Nest: You may sometimes see her Feet when she is sitting.

Now it seems unaccountable, how a Bird should sit upon her Eggs on a Tree, and yet her Feet appear to a Spectator below. For any Person who takes Notice of a Bird sitting upon her Eggs, will find that she doubles them up under her, and that they are hid among her Feathers and the Eggs; so that if this is the Case, there can be no other Way of seeing her Feet, but by a Hole through the Bottom of the Nest.

But this is not the Case with the Heron, nor the Bittern, another Bird resembling the Heron. When these Birds sit upon their Nests, their Legs lie straight out behind them, in a Line parallel to the Plain of the Horizon, in the same Posture as when they fly. This accounts for the Phœnomenon of the Feet appearing on the outside of the Nest.

These Birds have Legs of a remarkable Length, as every one must know, for they are a very common Bird; and when they sit, or rather lie, upon their Eggs in the abovesaid Posture, the Nest is unable to contain these long Legs, and by that Means they hang over the Side of it, and are seen by those who are under the Trees on which they build.

With regard to any Thing of a Hole through the Bottom of the Nest, nothing can be more fabulous: I once had the Sight of a large Tree, which had been blown down in a high Wind, and was full of Heron's Nests. They are built exactly in the Form of a Crow's Nest, and of the same Materials, only as the Nests were larger than those of Crows, so there were some larger Pieces of Sticks than Crows generally make Use of; and so far are they from having a Hole at the Bottom, that it was impossible to find a Passage through any Part of the Nest, with a stout walking Stick, so firm was the Texture of them.

If any one doubts of this, if he will take the Trouble to climb any Tree in a Heronry, he will be convinced of the Truth of what has been said, by ocular Demonstration. But I would not advise him to do it when there are young ones.

As the Bittern has been mentioned in this Section, it will not be amiss to put in a Word or two concerning an Error, which passes very current in Countries where this Bird is found, and which we may venture to assert is equally fabulous with the former. It is,

III

That the Bittern puts his Bill or Beak into a Reed, and that the Reed gives, by the Breath and Motion of the Beak of the Bird, that deep and loud Note which we so frequently hear him make as he lies in a Fenn.

This Bird, on Account of the Noise he makes, which is much such a one as if a Person was to express the Word Bump in a deep Note, is in many Countries called a Butter-Bump: Nevertheless the true Name of him is Bittern, as may be seen in several Books.

One particular Proof that Bittern is the true and ancient Name, may be seen in Stephens's Monasticon. The Author is giving us an Account of some Expenses which the Abbey of Peterborough was at, and among others there is a Bill made of the Expences for the Supper at the Funeral of one of the Abbots of that Convent, in which, among a great Number of other costly Dishes, and a Hogshead or two of Wine, which were drank, and an incredible Quantity of other Things too tedious to mention, there is a Sum set down for a great Number of Bitterns; from which we may venture to conclude, that they were esteemed very delicate eating amongst those Connoisseurs.

I hope the Reader will pardon this Digression from the Point in Hand, when I take Occasion to observe, that here is another vulgar Error, which supposes, that the present Times are more luxurious than the past. For to convince us of this Mistake, we need go no farther than the aforesaid Book, and there we shall find, that as much Money was laid out, (in Proportion to the Scarcity of Coin in those Times) upon the Funeral of one of those Abbots, as in the present Age will pay the Expences of a whole College for a Twelvemonth.

But to return to our Bitterns: That they were esteemed very delicate eating at that Time, is plain, by their being served up at so splendid an Entertainment; and we think it may be called another vulgar Error, in a Farmer to suffer so fine a Bird to lie upon his Dunghill, while he and his Wife and Family are regaling upon restie Bacon; which, as great an Error as it is, I have known done, and a Person who knew the Value of the Bird, has taken the Bittern from off the Dunghill, and dressed it, and made a delicious Meal.

But it is now Time to say something concerning the Error about the Noise it makes.

It is very absurd to suppose it possible, that this deep Note can proceed from the Bird's putting his Beak into a Reed, even if it's Beak was formed for the Purpose. Every one who knows of what vast Dimensions an Organ-Pipe must be, to give such a loud, deep, bass Note as the Noise of a Bittern, knows also, that a Reed is incapable of making such a Noise as that. It must be something with a hollow Tube of a much larger Diameter than a Reed, and the Wind must be thrown in with the greatest Exactness, both in regard to the Quantity of the Wind, and the Manner in which it is let in; and moreover the Tube must have a proper Aperture made towards the End of it, of an exact Dimension according to the Size of the Tube, before it will give any thing like a Tone at all. But here is a Sound as deep as the fourth String of a double Bass, given by an Animal, that may be heard four or five Miles off, in a still Evening.

The most probable Conjecture is, that the Noise is made by the Animal itself, with the Assistance of Nature alone; and we shall have the more Reason to be of that Opinion, if we examine the Throat of the Bird, which is of so uncommon a Size, that a moderate Hand would go down it.

Now a Sound given from the Windpipe into such a Cavern as this, may very probably be the Cause of this deep Tone. It acts upon the same Principle as when a Person closes his Lips, and sounds a deep Note with his Voice. Perhaps after the Reader has made the Experiment, (as in all Probability he will do) he may be convinced that it is a vulgar Error, to suppose that a Bittern puts his Beak into a Reed, when he makes that remarkable Noise Which is heard in a Fenn.

It may not appear foreign to the Purpose, when I say that I have heard a Bittern make the Noise abovementioned, and that I have gone to the Spot, which was coarse Grass or Flags, just mowed, where there were no Reeds; and the Bird rose up before me.

Here I must beg Leave to put in a Word or two, by way of corroborating what has been said about the Heron and the Bittern lying flat upon their Nests, with their Legs parallel to the Plain of the Horizon.

When the aforesaid Bittern rose up, I shot, and wounded him slightly, and marked him down again in the same Kind of Grass or short mowed Flags. As the Grass was not higher than one's Shoes, and it was wounded, I was in Hopes of having the Pleasure of seeing him lie on the Ground very plain. However I let my Pointer go first, knowing that he would stand at the Place. Accordingly made a dead Point at it. I came up as silent as possible, to take a View of it, but to my great Surprize, nothing was to be seen.

There was indeed something which appeared long, like two green Weeds lying among the Grass, and there was something like a large Spot of dryed Grass or Flags a little before them.

While I was looking at the Place, the Dog, being out of Patience, seized Hold of this Phœnomenon, which proved to be no other than the Bittern itself. Those Things which seemed to be green Weeds, were it's Legs extended at the full Length, behind the Bird, as it lay quite flat upon it's Belly; and that broad Spot of brown or dried Grass was the Body, with the Wings extended to their full Stretch, quite flat upon the Ground, which, I believe, formed as compleat a Deceptio Visus as any Thing in Nature.

Thus we see how wonderfully these Animals are formed for their Self-Preservation; so wonderfully, that though they are near as large as a Heron, and much of the same Shape, it must be a keen Eye that distinguishes their long green Legs from Weeds, and their brown Backs from dried Grass; but this Deceptio Visus is so notorious in Partridge, and many other Species of Game, that there is no Occasion to dwell any longer upon that; only what has been said may serve to convince the Reader of the Truth of what has been observed in the foregoing Section, concerning the Posture of a Heron and a Bittern on their Nests.

IV

That the Tone of a Violin is to be brought out, by laying on like a Blacksmith.

Before we can convince such of our Readers as have no Knowledge in that Part of Pneumatics which is called Harmonics, of this Mistake, it will be necessary just to give a short Account of the Cause of Sound in stringed Instruments.

In the first Place, all Sound proceeds from Undulations in the Air, which is an elastic Fluid; and with regard to these Undulations, is much of the same Nature as Water, which is another Fluid, but differs from Air in many Respects. Now when a Person throws a Stone into Water, these Undulations or Waves are raised in the Fluid for some Distance, by the Force and Action of one Wave upon another. This is the Case with regard to Sound; only the Air being an elastic Fluid, these Undulations are more quick and brisk in their Motions than in Water. So much for Sound itself. Now for the Cause of this Sound, or of these Undulations.

These Undulations are caused by the Vibration of some elastic Body, which is put into Motion by a Stroke of another Body against it. It must be an elastic Body (take notice) for upon that Word depends the Truth of what is going to be alledged. To convince the Reader of the Truth of this, he has nothing to do but to take a Rolling Pin, and strike it against a Pound of Butter, and he will find very little or no Sound at all, because Butter has very little Elasticity or Spring in it; but if he strikes the aforesaid Implement against the Table, he will find Sound enough, because most Tables are made of Wood, which is a very elastic Body. If there is no Butter in the House, Wax will do as well or better, for it will prove that a Body may be hard without being elastic, and which will be very much to the Purpose. It will be necessary, before we can get any further, to explain what Vibration is, a Word very commonly made Use of among Musical Men, tho' but little understood.

To be as short as possible; a Piece of Lead hung upon the End of a String, which moves backwards and forwards of itself after being first put into Motion, is called a Pendulum, and that Motion backwards and forwards is called its Vibration; it is upon this Principle that elastic Bodies are the Cause of Sound. It will be best illustrated in a Musical Instrument, besides that is the Point in Hand; and to be more to the Point still, we will suppose it a Violin, though any other stringed Instrument would answer the same End.

Here we have four Strings stretched out upon a Bridge, or thin Piece of Wood, which communicates to the Belly of the Instrument, from which Belly the greatest Part of the Tone proceeds. Now a String drawn tight at both Ends, when it is struck, will have a Vibration or tremulous Motion, which Vibration, or tremulous Motion, acts upon the same Principle as a Pendulum does in a Cycloid, or, to speak as plain as possible, as a Pendulum does when it is put into it's proper Motion.

It is upon this Principle of Vibration then, or tremulous Motion, that the String of a Violin, being moved by the Bow, is to act: The String immediately communicates it's tremulous Motion to the Bridge, and the Bridge to the Belly of the Instrument, which Belly being made of a very elastic Wood, by it's Vibration and free Motion, acts upon the Air in the Manner abovementioned.

As it is the great Elasticity of the Wood which is to cause the Tone, it ought to have as little Confinement in it's Vibrations as is possible; the Weight of the Strings must indeed press against it, otherwise they could not communicate their Motion to it. We should therefore be careful not to over-string the Instrument, since it so plainly contradicts the Principles of Pneumatics.

It is easy to hear when an Instrument is over-strung; and sometimes an Octave in a Harpsichord, by it's additional Number of Strings, shall render the Tone of the Instrument so dead, that, though it gives a Sprightliness peculiar to an Octave, yet it sometimes hardly compensates for the Loss of Tone which it causes in the Unisons, by it's too great Pressure upon the Belly of the Instrument.

And yet notwithstanding all this, what is more common than to see a Performer, with his Waistcoat unbuttoned, laying Strokes on a Violin, heavy enough to fell an Ox.

The Truth is, managing the Bow is slight, and we must make Use of Art more than Strength in our Performance: moreover, it is an Art which cannot be wrote down upon Paper, nor explained in Words, but must be learned by the Example and Direction of some assiduous Master. However what has been said may serve to shew, from Philosophical Principles, the Error of leaning too hard upon the Instrument, which was the Thing intended to be done.