Read the book: «Emotional burnout of parents»

© Alexey Goldman, 2025

ISBN 978-5-0068-0156-1

Created with Ridero smart publishing system

Alexey Goldman

Emotional burnout of parents

Chapter 1: Warning Signs: How to Know You’re on the Brink?

Core Idea: The first step to solving a problem is to see it. We will learn to assess our condition without panic or self-recrimination so we can take timely action.

You will learn to: Accurately identify the early signs of parental burnout, distinguish ordinary fatigue from a dangerous state of exhaustion, and apply a simple «Stop-Moment» technique for daily self-check-ins.

Why it matters: We often ignore the body’s first signals, brushing them off as «just being tired.» But this is precisely the moment when it’s easiest to pause and recharge. If you keep ignoring your condition, you can reach a state of complete exhaustion, which is much harder to recover from.

Practical Part:

Imagine your body and mind are a sophisticated alarm system. When something is wrong, it doesn’t blare a siren right away. First, it sends quiet but persistent signals. Our task is to learn to hear them.

Traffic Light Signals: From Green to Red

Green Light (All is well): You wake up, if not fully rested, then with a sense of «I can handle this.» You find joy in hugging your child, you have the energy for jokes, and minor difficulties don’t upset you. You periodically find time for your own little joys.

Yellow Light (Time to rest): These are our «warning signs.» It’s crucial to catch yourself at this phase.

Irritability: You get angry at things you used to ignore: spilled water, a child’s sluggishness, loud noises.

Constant fatigue: You sleep 7—8 hours but wake up exhausted. It feels like your energy isn’t being restored.

Anxiety and forgetfulness: You constantly feel like you’ve forgotten something (turning off the iron, making an important call). You obsess over the same anxious thought.

Escape mechanisms: You increasingly want to «escape» into your phone, social media, TV shows, or just lie down to avoid interacting with anyone.

Physical symptoms: More frequent headaches, back pain, catching colds easier than usual. This is your body crying for help.

Red Light (Stop, crisis!): Complete exhaustion. A feeling of emptiness, hopelessness, indifference towards your children and family. Panic attacks or thoughts like «I can’t cope and I never will» may appear. At this stage, professional help (from a psychologist or doctor) is often needed.

Technique: The «Stop-Moment»

This is your daily training for recognizing your signals. You can do it anywhere: while making tea, stuck in traffic, washing dishes.

Stop. Literally, for just a second, pause what you’re doing.

Ask yourself: «How am I feeling right now? Not what am I doing, but what am I feeling?» (Anger? Fatigue? Anxiety? Emptiness?).

Name the feeling. Say it to yourself or whisper it: «Right now, I feel irritated.» Without judgment! Not «I’m bad for getting irritated,» but simply «I feel irritation.»

Ask: «What am I missing right this moment?» (Silence? A minute of peace? A sip of water? A hug?).

Example:

You’re cooking dinner, the kids are screaming and running around the apartment. Everything inside you is clenching into a knot.

Stop. You freeze for a second with the ladle in your hand.

Question: «What do I feel?» -> «I feel anger and hopelessness.»

Name it: «Yes, I am angry.»

Question: «What am I missing?» -> «I am missing silence and 5 minutes where no one touches me.»

Just this simple action alone takes the initial edge off. You’re not suppressing the emotion; you’re acknowledging it. This is self-care. You’ve heard the «yellow light» signal. Now you know you need 5 minutes of silence. How to get it – we’ll learn in the following chapters.

Why it works: The «Stop-Moment» technique is based on the principles of mindfulness. It shifts your focus from external chaos to your internal state. Simply naming an emotion reduces its intensity and helps you stop reacting automatically, on autopilot. It’s like catching your breath before a difficult conversation. It’s a tiny but crucial pause for yourself amidst the daily chaos.

Chapter 2: The Root of the Problem: Finding the Main «Energy Drainers»

Core Idea: To stop the energy leak, you need to find the holes it’s leaking through. We will learn to analyze our day and pinpoint the exact actions, thoughts, and responsibilities that drain us the most.

You will learn to: Create your personal «list of energy drainers» to understand exactly where your strength is going. You will learn to distinguish real priorities from imposed ones and reduce the load where possible.

Why it matters: We often fight fatigue like it’s a windmill, not understanding its source. You can try to meditate every morning, but if the main drainer is, for example, the idea of perfect cleanliness, the fatigue will keep coming back. You need to work on the cause, not the effect.

Practical Part:

Our energy isn’t a bottomless well. It’s more like a daily battery charge. And many of our habits and beliefs act like powerful energy consumers that drain this battery by lunchtime.

Creating Your «List of Drainers»

Grab a notebook and pen. Don’t rush, think about each point. What exactly makes you feel drained?

Action Drainers:

Morning routines for daycare/school.

Going to the store with the kids.

Cleaning the entire apartment every evening.

Cooking elaborate dinners every day.

Tasks you do only because «it’s necessary» (e.g., driving your child to a club they dislike, which you sense and get stressed about).

Thought & Mindset Drainers:

«I must be the perfect mother/father.»

«I have to do everything myself; asking for help is shameful.»

«The house must always be sparkling clean.»

«I’m a bad parent if I get angry at my child.»

Comparing yourself to other parents on social media («But look at Maria, her kids are always in clean outfits and eat broccoli»).

Obligation Drainers: Anything done under duress and against your own desires.

Technique: The «Priority Pyramid»

This exercise will help separate your true desires from the imposed ones.

Draw a large pyramid on a piece of paper, divided into three sections:

The Top (Most important): Here, place your family’s 2—3 core values. What is truly important to you? Health? Close and trusting relationships? Inner peace? Shared adventures?

The Middle (Important but not critical): Things that are significant but can sometimes be postponed.

The Base (Everything else): Routine, chores, social expectations.

Now, take your «list of drainers» and sort them into the levels of this pyramid.

Example: Cleaning the entire apartment every day. This belongs in the base of the pyramid. It’s not what life is about. The main thing (the top) is your peace of mind and good relationships with your children. So, you can safely simplify cleaning: mop the floors every other day, buy a robot vacuum, delegate some tasks to your partner/children.

Example: Perfectly folded clothes in the closet – that’s the base. Your desire to nap during the day with your child instead of cleaning – that’s closer to the top (health and rest).

Real-Life Example:

Anna mopped all the floors every evening after putting the kids to bed. It took her last ounce of energy and made her angry. Using the «Priority Pyramid,» she realized: clean floors were in the base of her pyramid, while her own rest and peace of mind were at the top. She decided to mop every other day and bought a good self-wringing mop, which cut the cleaning time in half. The freed-up hour she started spending reading a book or taking a bath. Her irritation level decreased noticeably.

Why it works: This technique is based on a cognitive-behavioral approach. It allows you to re-examine your beliefs and «cognitive distortions» (harmful thinking habits), such as «should» statements («I should be able to do it all»). When you see your priorities on paper, it’s easier for your brain to let go of perfectionism in unimportant areas and give yourself permission to focus on what matters. This reduces internal conflict and saves a tremendous amount of mental energy.