Muse for the artist

© Naty Daybs, 2020

ISBN 978-5-0051-5954-0

Created with Ridero smart publishing system

Muse FOR THE artist

Preface

I walk along the street along the road all alone. Downtown. It was almost dark now. Probably eight hours. I picked up the phone, but the battery was completely discharged. I didn’t know how long I walked. There was emptiness and pain inside. It feels like I was just thrown out like a stray kitten, but it’s not. We just parted, this happens to everyone, – I stubbornly repeated to myself. But the pain did not stop, and rare tears still tried to roll out of my eyes. People passing by occasionally looked sideways in my direction, but I did not care, in other matters, like them. The city gradually became empty and dark. As well as my soul at this moment, torn apart into millions of fragments.. On that day, the last hope that Max and I would be together again was destroyed. He took his things and left. I just left. Without even asking how I was doing. «Hello, where are my things?» And «bye» – That’s all, I heard today instead of the long-awaited phrase «Sorry, let’s start all over again» Of course, I have an apartment, albeit rented, work, friends and I’m only twenty-two. But… Life without him in an empty apartment was unbearable. And dream… I completely stopped sleeping. I woke up every half hour, jumping abruptly in bed, and then tossed and turned for another hour to get at least a little sleep until morning. At first I tried to live with my parents, who, despite my outward calmness, experienced my pain with me. And they tried in every possible way to cheer me up or keep me busy.

But I was terribly drawn home to his things, which are now not in the apartment, to his smell, to his aura, left after. And to my memories. To be honest to myself, I just hoped that he was about to ring the doorbell and we would be together again. So I returned home. And my hope has warmed me to this day. Like the whole environment around me in a small removable studio apartment.

This sofa here. We bought it just six months ago. But we spent so many hot nights together during these six months… And when we were running around the shops in search of this sofa, I wiped both feet in new shoes and Max.. Max carried me in his arms to the apartment… Then he seemed to me so strong, so reliable. The very best. Such a tall, slender blond with blue eyes like the sky and, as it seemed to me, incredibly strong hands. And these memories covered me every time I crossed the threshold of this apartment. Apartments where love and happiness reigned recently. And now only sad memories and broken feelings… And an empty cold city, where I felt like the loneliest person in the world. A city filled with my memories.

And how to get them out of your head? No way. We must accept. The time has come. I continued along the road along the illuminated sidewalk with a wild desire to throw myself under the first oncoming car. But she kept walking. Life goes on, – I convinced myself by ear.

Even after Maxim left, I went to my sister in a neighboring city. I lived there for about a week. But I did not want to cause discomfort to the young family and, despite all Sveta’s attempts to leave me for another week, she went home. Say what you like, but the change of scenery helped me at least a little to calm down and look at life differently. Yes, we broke up, but I have friends, parents, a good job and a place to live. And also loneliness. Loneliness eating from the inside every cell of my broken heart.

Also, I often spent the night with a close friend of Rita. When the repairs in our branch ended and I was able to start working again. I just couldn’t be alone in the apartment for more than half an hour. Tears rolled in and I was afraid that if I burst into tears, I would not be able to stop. It seemed to me that everything was fine with us… And suddenly it was an SMS with the words «Sorry, don’t look for me. Max.» My life turned upside down in a moment and lost its meaning. And no matter how hard I tried to find him, I couldn’t yet. Although almost two months have passed since Max’s departure. Every day after work, I either went to my friend’s house, or just walked around the city. I didn’t want to meet new guys, make new friends, start new relationships, as Rita strongly recommended to me.

So I just walked forward. And today, after Max took his last things, I still didn’t know what to do with myself. I didn’t want to upset my parents with my completely broken appearance, they were worried about me anyway, my friends were all busy that evening and I decided to just go shopping. But, having entered the first one that came across, I realized that I did not want to look at anything and decided to just get some fresh air and think. Finally, I got tired of wandering down the street, and the September evening was getting colder. I went to the nearest cafe just for tea or coffee and cake. Sitting down at the table and opening the menu, I heard a pleasant male voice.

– Girl, can I join you? Why do you look so sad?

The guy looked a little older than me. A handsome, muscular, tall brunette with brown eyes and an extremely expensive suit. But I have repeatedly heard about the divorces of young girls like these males. Yes, however, and Max I was far from dead. And now, near me, though a handsome, but too dangerous for me (in my opinion) type, stood and glared at me.

– Excuse me, young man, I want to be alone, do you mind?

– I object. I just want to buy you something. Girl, why are you looking at me so scared? My name is Mikhail.

– Yana.

– Nice to meet you. I’ll order us two coffees and two salads. Do not you mind?

– I can order myself coffee. Thank you.

Mikhail called the waitress. A girl came up. Tall, slender, in a white blouse and a fairly short black skirt.

– What do you want? She asked, looking at the man as if I were not here. Of course, such a tired little girl without hair and makeup can be ignored. I looked so-so. Her dark blond hair was tangled in the wind and looked like straw. Too simple blue skinny jeans And my favorite T-shirt just hung on me like a sack, since lately my appetite has completely left me. I could eat almost nothing for two or three days. I managed only with a glass of tea or coffee and a couple of boiled eggs… Without that, deep-set, my eyes sagged even more, and dark circles from insomnia seemed to now occupy half of my face. But I didn’t care.

«Probably, the guy hasn’t had sex for a long time, since he sat next to me. Although he is so… Like a magazine cover. Girls have to run in droves.» – I kept thinking, burying my head in the phone and wondering if I would have to run or call the police. Mikhail, meanwhile, looked at the menu and made an order.

– We have two lattes with cream, two vegetable salads and two slices of black bread.

– I’ll bring your order now, – said the waiter Karina, as it was written on the badge. She turned around, slightly winked at Mikhail and walked, swinging her hips on her high heels. And ka to her legs do not fall off? – I thought. I always loved sports shoes more and for beauty I chose the maximum, ballet flats. And now I was in them. And also in blue jeans and a pink T-shirt with the words «there is happiness.» I put it on in the hope that when Max comes for things, we will make up, but fate decided differently and Max just left. And I just let him go. No, it’s not easy at all…

– Why are you so sad? Someone offended you?

– Not. – I tried to answer as calmly as possible.

– Someone died or got sick?

– Not. – this time the answer was sharper. But the young man did not react in any way to my raised tone.

– Something was stolen from you?

I wanted to say «Yes. Heart, soul and a piece of life» but decided not to open up to the first person I met.

– Not. I am fine. – I already clearly angrily answered the persistent guy.

There was silence for a couple of minutes. I looked out the window and thus tried to ignore such a look of brown attentive eyes.

At this time, the waitress brought coffee. I was hoping that my new, so to speak, acquaintance would be distracted by such an attractive female with long legs, but I was mistaken. The waitress left with a heavy sigh, and Mikhail decided to torture me with questions again.

– So no one has offended you, Yana?

– I tell you, no. I’m great. – I said with a certain irony in my voice.

«And you weren’t taught that cheating is bad?» Mikhail smiled maliciously. – Yana, you look tear-stained. I can help you. I can make sure that you will always be fine.

«No, thanks. I’ll probably refuse.» – got up and was about to leave, but the man also stood up abruptly and in an instant was a couple of centimeters away from me, face to face.

– Excuse me, did I scare you? Please take a seat. Can you listen to me?

– Speak. I’m finishing my coffee now and leaving.

– But you have to eat, Yana, you are so pale.

– Thank you, I’m not hungry.

– Let’s agree, you eat salad while listening to me. Otherwise I can hear your stomach screaming with hunger. I understand that you are ignoring me because we do not know each other. But why torture yourself like that?

– Okay. So be it. I’ll eat the salad. And I don’t torture myself. There is simply no appetite. You will now tell us what you wanted and we will part.

– Good. If you want to part with me, I will take you home.

– -Thank. I was taught not to get into the car with unfamiliar uncles.

– But we have already met) – Mikhail winked at me. You know my name, I am yours.

– This is not a reason to get into your car. Excuse me. This is even uncivilized on my part.

– And on my part it is uncivilized to leave such an interesting girl all alone this evening.

– Say what you want. I’m listening to you.

– I want to draw you, Yana. You have amazing blue eyes! And the lips are just perfect. I am an Artist and I want your beauty to please me always.

– Thank you for the compliment, but I think I will still refuse. My beauty is only my beauty. Otherwise, sell the painting and everyone will stare at me.

– No, Yana, I promise you, just me and you. Nobody else will ever see this picture. Well?

– I’ll think about it. Thanks for the suggestion. Although it is unlikely that I will turn to you, I am still broke…

– What do you! I will not take a dime from my muse! – Mikhail handed me a business card.

– You flatter me, Mister… I looked at what was written. – Mikhail Wright. – Mr. Wright.

– For you, I’m just Mikhail. For a long time he lived in another country, returned only last week. And when I saw you, I realized that I had not returned in vain. Fate itself brought me to you so that we could create a masterpiece together!

– It’s all very tempting, but I have to go home. I’ll call a taxi and thanks for dinner, Mikhail.

– You are already smiling, and this is delightful! Yana, please call me, – he said, putting me in a taxi. Anytime. Yana! You are welcome!

– Okay, Mikhail, maybe we’ll have another cup of coffee with you. Goodnight. I closed the taxi door and the car drove off through the bright evening city. Say what you like, but I was hooked by this man. Basically, there is nothing wrong with being drawn. But this is all somehow too… Too intent gaze, too expensive suit… Too quick acquaintance…

Раrt 1

A week has passed. I still hoped that my boyfriend. Ex-boyfriend. Will come back. I waited for a call, a message, sat by the phone for hours after work. I went through photos, listened to «our songs», roared at night and sometimes even during the day. But in the meantime, I sometimes remembered Mikhail. I thought it was not worth starting something new yet, when the old still lives in the soul, there is hope. But on Saturday morning I went to the store to look for a birthday present for my friend. Rita is my beloved friend from the first year, the most loyal, reliable and devoted. She is very beautiful and just loves gold. Rita is ready to buy more and more jewelry. I decided to give her a bracelet with white gold trim. When I entered the jewelry department of the shopping center, I couldn’t believe my eyes. My boyfriend was standing there. Now definitely an ex-boyfriend. With a little fat woman three times my width. And they chose something. He did not see me, and I dashed from there so that I almost hit the guard. For which he stopped me by the elbow.

– Girl, where are you in such a hurry? So only run from a fire or a grenade.

– Do I look like a terrorist? Sorry for knocking you down. Or nearly hit him. I am there..

– What? You are pale. Maybe an ambulance?

– There is my boyfriend with another.. Ex-boyfriend. I don’t want him to see me.. – To be honest, I myself did not understand why I was spreading such personal circumstances to a stranger.

– Well, you are more careful, otherwise it will not take long and break something for yourself. Although I would give you advice. – the guard looked at me with pity and we understand my speedy escape.

– Sorry, I’m in a hurry.

«Look,» said a guard in his forties or so. «If I were you, I would find a replacement for your boyfriend. I am sure there will be no problems with your external data. You are young, beautiful. Yes, the guys will line up to you, you just have to beckon with your finger. Now go calmly and don’t cry.

– Good. Thank. Sorry again.

– Nothing wrong. Good luck to you.

– And you., Mikhail. – I read on the badge and smiled.

«This is definitely some kind of sign. And why am I really upset? I already have a person who liked me. And let My Ex-boyfriend lick his paw and his new… fuuu… glutton.» Thinking so, I took a business card holder out of my purse and, sitting down on a soft sofa in the corner of the shopping center corridor, I dialed Mikhail. Of course, at that moment anger, resentment, jealousy and pain played in me. They played so hard that everything squeezed in my chest, there was a huge snowball in my throat, my heart was pounding furiously, and everything in my head was throbbing as if there was a bomb ready to explode this very second. And this act was clearly too impulsive…

– Yes, I am listening to you – a pleasant voice answered me.

I suddenly felt a little better at once. Although in front of me I still saw Max in his mind with his new cow. And how could he forget me so quickly and exchange for this … «Well, okay. I have more important things to do now than think about Max» – I persistently convinced myself.

– Good afternoon, Mikhail. This is Yana. We recently met you in a cafe, remember?

– Oh, I’m very glad to hear from you. I thought you had forgotten the poor artist, captivated by your charm.

– Not. I remember.

– Do you want me to draw you?

– To be honest, I would just have coffee with you to start. And we’ll see.

– Well. I’m free today. Where can we meet?

– Let’s go to the Pizzeria in a couple of hours

– Sorry, Yana, but I would like to invite a beautiful girl to one very beautiful place, if you do not mind. Will the Fantasy restaurant suit you?

– Isn’t it too festive for coffee?

– I believe that any communication should start with a pleasant, beautiful environment. Sorry, I just often do business contracts here. This restaurant has excellent service and cuisine.

– Good. I agree.

«Then I’ll book a table for three hours. Should I pick you up?

– No, thank you, I’ll come myself.

– Good. What’s your favorite number, Yana?

– Five.

– Then the fifth table is ours. See you.

– See you, Mikhail.

I got home and quickly tried to figure out what to wear to the restaurant. And I remembered about the dress that I bought myself for the last corporate party. It is quite suitable for a restaurant. Dark blue, straight to the knees, perfectly emphasizes the figure, but at the same time not defiant. she put on black pumps under it. I let my hair down and put on jewelry that I hardly wear. I slightly updated my makeup and added a semi-sweet perfume. I called a taxi and at ten to three I was at the restaurant. Mikhail was waiting for me at the entrance to the «Fantasy». Seeing me, his eyes became bright and shine appeared in them.

– I suggest you switch to «you» Look amazing!

– Thank. You too.

Misha was in a light gray suit of steel shades. From behind he pulled out a bouquet of five white roses.

– Oh, thanks, you shouldn’t have.

– You’re wrong! Every girl deserves to receive gifts and attention. Especially beautiful girls receive special gifts.

– You’re embarrassing me. This coffee is too special for us.

– Why not? Let’s go to. It is time.

We went to a restaurant. I’ve heard a lot about him, but I’ve never been here. The most expensive restaurant in Little Mountains Oh yeah. Everything was expensive here! Decorations, dishes, even the waiters’ clothes. But of course, food and drinks. Coffee here cost ten times more than in a regular cafe. Of course, I took a certain amount with me, but after looking at the menu, I realized that I would stretch the pleasure while drinking coffee. I didn’t want to sound like a girl to buy. Therefore, I myself wanted to pay for myself everywhere and always. My friend Rita would most likely jump with happiness higher than the three-meter ceilings of this restaurant. But I almost didn’t care. Yes, it was beautiful and very pleasant to be here. In addition, a light melody without words played here, and all this atmosphere evoked calmness and a certain serenity.

Yet it only slightly distracted me from the nightmare I saw in the jewelry department this morning. And I haven’t bought Rita’s present yet. But nothing. Buy in the late afternoon. I’ll pay for the coffee myself. There was still a week before the paycheck, and life without Max was not so easy financially. Thoughts flashed through my head. And I sat perplexedly, staring at one point.

– What do you want to order, besides coffee, Yana? Sorry, are you worried about something? Yana?

– AND? Oh, I’m sorry, I thought for a minute. What did you ask?

– What would you like to order? Well, apart from coffee.

– Thanks, nothing. I had lunch recently.

– If you want, we can drink something. And then you are so tense, as if you came for interrogation.

– No, thanks, I just have coffee. I just remembered that I forgot to buy a present for my best friend. In the morning I just went to the store for a gift, and there.. but oh well. No matter. I’ll buy it later. We still meet in the evening.

– It happens. Nothing wrong. But I won’t let you leave here hungry. Come on, can I give you a light biscuit dessert with apricots?

We will not leave here until you accept my offer to dine. Again, the cuisine here is excellent.

– Good. But only one dessert. I’m not really hungry.

– Do you want me to draw you, Yana? Honestly?

– I don’t know. But what kind of picture are you painting? What is your creative style?

– I like to paint Portraits, emotions. I love expressive eyes. You have an amazing look. So mysterious. But I also like to draw nature. I’ve been to different cities and beautiful places. But when I came back and met you, I immediately knew what my next picture would be.

– Are you just painting a portrait? I just heard about this style where girls should be, to put it mildly, not quite dressed. – I felt myself start to blush.

– Don’t worry, nothing like that will happen.

«Then perhaps I will agree.

If you agree, Yana, let’s sign the contract.

– Agreement?

– Well yes. In the modern world, all people must legally fix everything. These are just details.

– Can you show me the contract?

Mikhail put a black folder on the table in front of me.

– Read it, take your time. If everything suits you, sign it with your last name, first name and patronymic.

I began to read out loud.

– I… I agree that I want to belong to art entirely. At the time the artist… Mikhail… works on the creation of paintings, she agrees to voluntarily stay on the territory of his property twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week.

– What is it? I can’t do that. I can’t quit my job, move to you… And anyway…! I see you only for the second time in my life!

– Take it easy. And please don’t make any noise. I do not oblige you and I do not force you to anything. Yana, be so kind as to read it to the end.

The contract stated that I was to stay with him for twenty-five days. That he pays for all my necessary needs in full, as well as I receive a gift of one hundred thousand Euros.

– Michael? What is all this for? Just for my eyes? Well, no really! It too. I don’t believe in such tales. I won’t sign, sorry.

– You can provide a future for yourself and your children, Yana. think about it. Take a vacation when you can and just live in my house for twenty-five days. It is very close outside the city.

The waitress brought us coffee and dessert.

– Eat, Yana. We’re just having lunch. I know that all this is a little strange for you, but believe me that I am not a maniac, I will not offend you, I will not even touch a finger. It’s just… I had a difficult period too. I can see in your eyes that something unpleasant is happening in your life now. I just want to help you get distracted and understand that life does not consist only of troubles and you need to find pleasant moments in it. For example, pleasant communication in a good restaurant. Or a walk in the morning forest outside the city.

It seemed to me that this man had read everything that is in my soul. Everything I feel and what I want. But I was really scared. Now I expected deception everywhere and everywhere and could not trust a stranger.

– And if I need to leave for a couple of days? I asked more gently.

– Not a problem. We will resolve this issue. Just inspiration is such a thing. can come at any time of the day or night. You will just live in my room. You will not be bored with me and I will not kill you. Read, it says, all pictures are painted with the consent of the representative and the representative is guaranteed complete safety from violent actions and harm to health. You will keep one sample of the contract. In which case, you have the right to demand compensation of five hundred thousand euros and even more. Trust me, I can pay you one lump sum.

Yana, just one month! You are welcome! I made this contract exclusively for you. You are a very serious business girl.

– I’ll think about it. Three days. Or better a week. Then I’ll let you know. And now I’ll finish my dinner, pay the price and go buy a present for my friend.

– What did you come up with? The man must always pay. Yana, remember this once and for all. I invited you to a restaurant. And I won’t let you pay.

– I don’t want to show myself..

– I understand. You are an adult and self-sufficient. But I’ll pay it myself. Believe me, it’s not difficult for me. Come on, if you want, just talk. I hope that you will get to know me better and will not be afraid of me, like some kind of criminal. «» Mikhail smiled affectionately and for some reason I wanted to trust this man. I wanted somewhere deep inside. But I humbly continued lunch.

– Mikhail, I’m sorry, but I’m not sure yet that we will continue any communication. I do not want you to lure me to your place. I will, of course, think about your proposal. But don’t be in vain. You know, you are right about one thing. I have temporary difficulties and am not in the mood for new acquaintances and close communication now. Excuse me. It’s not about you at all.

– Are we on you again?

– It’s just that I’m not comfortable… This restaurant and this contract.

– I understand, Yana, you want to keep your distance. In part, this is the correct position. But still, I would like us to get to know each other better. And let’s still be on you?

– Oh well. Only I really have to go. Thanks for the coffee..

– Do not mention it. Take the contract. I’m not rushing you. And if you want to sign or just chat, I’ll be glad to see you. complete safety. And also pleasant impressions and good rest.

– It’s very tempting, but I have to go. Otherwise, I may be late for the holiday.

Mikhail accompanied me to the taxi. Of course, he insisted on taking me home in person, but this whole situation bothered me. The restaurant and this strange contract…

On the way home, I dropped by another jewelry store and bought a bracelet for my friend. I was home by six. Rita called me.

– Hi, friend, have you forgotten that I am expecting you at eight? Let’s wave karaoke, sing something.

– Hi, sorry, I was busy a little. I ran to the shops. And then I met Max there with some kind of new girlfriend who looks like a fitball. – I described the girl I saw with Max.

– Fuu! And how could he trade you for that?

– I do not know. It doesn’t matter.

Can you imagine, I rushed from there that I almost knocked down the guard, who took me for a terrorist or a thief. But I explained to him, he was an understanding man. He said that I was beautiful and so that I would not take a steam bath, but found myself another.

– The case speaks. And then you sour here on Max.

– No longer.

– What, the artist announced?

– Not really. You see, the guard’s name is Mikhail and I got overwhelmed that I should call this artist, like it’s a sign. Stupid, right?

«Not at all. Fight fire with fire. Moreover, he himself was waiting for your call, he gave you a business card. So how is it? Are you dating now?

– Not really. He wants to draw me. Took me to Fantasia today.

– Where? Repeat! Am I right?

– Not. I was in the «Fantasy» restaurant.

– You talk about it as if it were something ordinary. How is it there?

– Everything is too expensive there. Coffee and dessert cost a lot of money.

– Wow. You said you were broke now.

– He didn’t let me pay. I paid for everything myself.

– Wow! This is a gift of fate!

– He offered me a contract for our joint activities in writing his paintings. A strange contract. And in general, he himself is strange.

– He’s a foreigner, and they are all obsessed with his contracts. Will you send me an e-mail to read it?

Better wait for me, I’ll come now and we’ll discuss everything. Fuck karaoke. I’ll buy a bottle of wine along the way, it’s my birthday after all. and there is no one to celebrate except you. So what’s next?

– He offers to live with him for a month and pay all expenses. And a hundred thousand dollar fee. For my wasted time.

– All, wait for me, I’ll be there soon. And you, friend, will tell me everything!!!

– I’m waiting. Let’s order some food. I bought a present too.

– Come on, don’t worry. I’m already flying.

A friend arrived in half an hour by taxi.

– Hello, give me your contract!

– Hello. Happy Birthday again! – I hugged Rita and handed her a red box.

– Wow! You shouldn’t have gone broke like that, Jan. But thanks anyway! You always know what I want! Give your contract. And while I’m reading, you pour our favorite and cut the cake that I brought.

– Here. Read it. I’ll do everything for now.

– Well.

At the end of the reading, my friend was absolutely delighted!

– Listen, can he draw me for that kind of money? I kapets, as it is necessary!

– I’ll ask if you want. I do not care.

– What are you saying? You understand that the interest on the deposit from such amounts is greater than our salary taken together!!! And do you prefer to go out on Max. If I were you, I would agree, and then I would arrange a chance meeting for Max and show myself a new one. You passed your license a year ago. A great opportunity to buy a car and arrange repairs from your parents as you wanted. She herself said that it is high time for them to update the furniture and the interior as a whole.

– I do not know, all this is too similar to a fairy tale.. What if he is a maniac? Kill me and that’s it, you don’t have to pay anything.

Come on, all his passport details are here. Look, I know who can back us up. My uncle is in my organs, remember? He will hit him in the base.

– Well, but only from people with such money, everything in the organs is bought and seized.

– Do not boil, Yanka! If you don’t want it, don’t! I’ll go. I need money. And I’m not afraid of maniacs. They seem to be afraid of me! At least one suggested normal sex or at least a good restaurant.! Impotents are alone and homeless!

– Friend, well, you give! Maybe you’re looking in the wrong place?

– It’s easy for you to say! You only have a couple of months with a little boyfriend, and I have almost six! I have already registered on all dating sites! And zero sense! Men, like women, began to want only loot and PR. One recently wrote to me. Like, let’s swing to Italy. You just buy the vouchers, and as soon as we return from the trip, I will pay for everything. Sure! He will pay! How is it? Alphonse, damn it. And all dating sites are crammed with such reptiles. Either a bastard or a freak. Such that it is scary to watch, not like meeting.

So choose, Janusik, either you agree now or I take the artist myself.

«I told him I’ll think about it for a few days. And we need to resolve the issue of vacation, if I agree.

– Good. We’ll wait three days, think about it. We will decide there.

We chatted for a couple of hours and Ritka flew away after another boyfriend called in the hope that she would be lucky at least on her birthday. All these two hours, Rita persistently tortured You should persuade me to sign an agreement or give Mikhail’s phone number. I didn’t give the number. She said that it would be indecent of me. But she promised to ask Misha if he could draw Rita. Something in me prevented me from simply taking and giving Rita my new acquaintance. Probably just with him I forgot about Max at least for a short time.

I was about to go to bed and saw a message on my phone.

– I wish sweet dreams to my muse. I’m waiting for your decision, Yana. I hope for a positive answer.

– Thank. Good night to you too. The solution will be as agreed. I’ll tell.

An emoticon came back with a smile. But I didn’t answer.

I could not sleep for another three hours. Too intense events spun in my head. Max, Mikhail… It’s all over with Max, now for sure. But without him in this apartment, in this bed, it is still cold and uncomfortable. There was a reminder of him everywhere in the apartment.. I was thinking about how Max might have cheated on me. How he strokes this fat body and he likes it.. Lord, why her? Why is it better? Max always asked me to get better, but I love to take care of myself and I don’t want to be like that..