'Tis taught by philosophic schools
The human race is mostly fools.
And once a year you see this truth
Ably set forth by jocund youth,
Who broach the tenets of the creed
Plainly that he who runs may read.

But Aged Idiots, 'tis not meet
For you to run along the street,
And with a manner bold and sly
Pin tags on ladies passing by,
Or sit upon the curb and look
For fools to snatch your pocket-book.

PLEBEIAN

Lucinda's tastes are so depraved;
She likes to play and romp
With children poor and ill-behaved,
Who boast no style or pomp.

Their costumes are not quite correct,
They have no pretty tricks;
Lucinda! pray be more select,
In higher circles mix.

PATRICIAN

Ah, sweet Lucinda, best of girls,
How quick to take advice.
Behold her with unpapered curls,
And frock so rich and nice!

Her haughty stare! Who would suppose
That dress would change her so
Oh, blessed influence of fine clothes,
How much to thee we owe!

QUARRELSOMENESS

Dear lady-readers of whatever age,
Look backward and with me enjoy this page.
What happy moments have we often spent
Thus to our frenzied anger giving vent.
Ah, me, the long-lost joys of being young!
To make up faces, and stick out one's tongue;
How those occasions of Xantippish strife
Gave zip and zest to our dull childish life.

THE ETERNAL FEMININE

Ah, truly, as the tree is bent the tiny twig's inclined,
And in the very littlest girls we see
The contradictious tendencies of woman's wayward mind
Developed to a marvellous degree.
For each small daughter of her mother
Will say one thing and do the other.

For instance, when some little girls just hate to go to school
And beg that they may stay at home and play;
And then, permission given, these same children, as a rule,
Delight in playing school the livelong day!
Ah, no wonder poets feature
Woman as a captious creature.