Conversations with the Psychologist

Fears and Phobias

Question: “Recently, I began to realize that my life is governed by fears. I have a lot of them… I’m afraid to ride the elevator; I’m afraid to be alone; I’m afraid that I will become ill and no one will be around; I’m afraid of losing consciousness while driving a car; I’m afraid of flying on planes; afraid of viruses, and so on. Tell me, please, how to get rid of these fears. How can I convince myself that I am stronger than my fears?”

We all experience fears in our lives. Fears can be different, but they all have a common base.

Fear is the internal state of a person, caused by imagined or real threats. Psychology considers fear to be an emotional process of a negative nature.

Fear refers to a basic emotion. In other words, it is an innate function. Its physiological component, mimicked manifestations, and specific subjective experiences are genetically conditioned.

It is fear that prompts a person to avoid danger, adjust his behavior in a certain way, and perform various actions that, in his opinion, are capable of protecting him. Thus, fear is a function of self-defense, which is genetically involved in the evolutionary process of the survival of the fittest and most intelligent individuals.

Fearless ancient man had no chance to survive if he did not hide or did not protect himself from predators and bad weather.

Each person has his own fears, from the banal fear of insects or mice to the fear of poverty and death. There are even phobias-persistent, irrational fears. In short, there are as many different fears as there are people. But some fears are common in many people.

Here are some of them.

Verminophobia is the fear of various microorganisms and bacteria. People with such a fear constantly wash their hands, clean their homes, and are afraid of touching “dirty” things and becoming infected by them. People with verminophobia are almost always intellectuals. For example, they may be inventors, accountants, or lawyers. Fear of bacteria can develop into an obsessive-compulsive disorder and can seriously complicate one’s life.

Fear of public communications, speaking in public, or social phobia is known to almost all people, since from time to time each of us is afraid to demonstrate emotions or feelings in public. Often, this fear becomes obtrusive and grows into a phobia.

When aggravated, a fear of public speaking can be supplemented by the fear of open spaces. People who suffer from such fear very often have the ability to be great speakers, but they are lacking self-confidence and do not trust their intuition and any facts confirming that they can cope with their anxiety.

Fear of old age is almost never found among young people, but occurs in men over 50 and women over 40. Women are afraid of losing their beauty and, as a consequence, the life they are used to, while men are afraid that they will not be able to realize their ambitions and/or produce offspring.

Fear of death. You might think that the fear of death would be the most common, but this is not entirely true because many are afraid to admit that they have this fear. Fear of death is associated with many other fears and, in reality, is hidden behind each of them.

The fear of flying on an airplane, of being poisoned, of a snake bite-all these fears have one fear in common: the fear of dying. When you recognize that a fear of death is behind your fear of “heights, water, snakes, and spiders,” you can work towards resolving that fear.

By accepting the fact that all people on this Earth are mortal and that we are not able to predict or foresee how and when we will die, you may come to the conclusion that it is totally unproductive to be afraid of something specific.

It is more important to live your life to the fullest, enjoying new and bright experiences and being surrounded by those you love, and those who love you. That way, by the end of your life, there will be no regrets about not having done, seen, or enjoyed any of your dreams.

Fear of loneliness is also among the leading fears, as this worries most people on the planet. If we look at ourselves, we will be able to see that we are constantly longing for someone to be with us, even if we sometimes really want to be alone with ourselves.

The basis of this fear is that all human beings strive for happiness. And given the fact that we are social beings, it is inherent in our nature that we can find happiness only when we are among our own kind.

The fear of failing or showing weakness and the fear of appearing weak is pertinent to men with a hypertrophied sense of responsibility for others. Most likely, these men will already be strong, serious, and charismatic. But women who hold great responsibilities are also sometimes afraid to appear weak.

However, this phobia often helps people hold themselves together so they remain strong and persistent.

Fear of intimacy. Contrary to the popular belief that this affects only 16-year-olds, it is quite common in adult men and even some women. But more surprising is the fact that the fear of intimacy affects people with increased libido. The reason for this phobia can lie in unsuccessful former experiences, childhood trauma, or suppressed emotions.

Fear of madness is another peculiar but stable and widespread fear. However, it is particular only to those people who think abstractly. In most cases, they are spiritually developing, religious personalities, as well as physicists and philosophers.

Other fears include the fear of airplanes, snakes, cockroaches, spiders, rats, mirrors, ghosts, monsters, clowns, etc. All these seemingly completely different fears have something in common: people suffering from them have a well-developed imagination. For those who think in images and emotions, fear causes the strongest sensations. Therefore, they can be afraid of absolutely simple things.

A phobia is a disorder in which a person experiences a painful fear that forces him to avoid relatively safe objects or situations. All the varieties of phobias (and there are about five hundred) are divided into two types: simple and social. Simple phobias are fears of certain objects (or animals). Social phobias are fears of being in certain situations such as a fear of crowds, fear of eating in front of others, or fear of being ridiculed.

When a person gets into a situation that causes a phobia, he enters a state of panic. Later, foreseeing the repetition of such a situation, he automatically feels fear and begins to avoid it. Panic attacks can be accompanied by disorientation and a sense of unreality about one’s condition or external environment. Physical sensations are also possible: dizziness; loss of balance; severe heart palpitations; visual, hearing, or swallowing and breathing problems; nausea; abdominal pain; muscle tension; and trembling or numbness.

In the phobic stage, fear grows uncontrollably and intensifies as the danger grows in the imagination. The person affected concentrates increasingly on the discomfort caused by their reaction to fear, and is less and less guided by what can calm him down. There is a conviction that something terrible will happen now-death, heart attack, or insanity.

This is a panic state. It is so painful that a person tries to avoid any stimulus situations, including words, images, and memories, that can trigger such a reaction.

The treatment of phobias focuses on developing a person’s ability to face the situation that causes fear and stay in it. It also involves convincing him, through exposure, that the situation is not really dangerous. With the help of the therapist, gradually increasing tasks, the patient learns to react to the real calming reasons explaining the situation and not to the imaginary threat.

A few tips for dealing with fear follow.

First: in any situation where you feel that you are overcome by fear, do not let it take over, and do not begin to panic. You need to learn to accept and control your fears, and this is the most important approach to dealing with them.

The second thing that should be done is to try to analyze the situation to see its scale and seriousness, and also think about whether there is an opportunity to get help.

The third is purely physiological: if you are afraid, start breathing deeply. Take a deep breath (for example, counting to 4), hold it while counting to 3, and then exhale fully, counting to 7 or 8. Repeat this at least ten times. This will help you to concentrate, think the situation over, and calm your mind. After that, finding a solution to the problem will be much easier.

The fourth is talking to yourself. If you are afraid of something, start talking to yourself in your mind. Say your name and tell yourself to calm down. Try to understand what is happening, who and what surrounds you, what you feel, etc. As you calm down, your blood pressure and heartbeat will go back to normal and the sense of panic will disappear.

If you still can’t get rid of the fear, use a trick. Become angry with yourself or with what is happening to you, the circumstances of the situation, or someone. Remember that anger will replace your fear and neutralize it. Instead of fear, you will feel the desire to take action and change the nature of things, or you’ll find a solution to the situation.

If you are overcome by mental fear, remember that you are human, and fear is one of our normal reactions to stimuli. Also realize that it is temporary. You deserve joy, happiness, and wellbeing, not fear. Think about that and watch your fear levels go down.

If your anxiety becomes obsessive, it may be your intuition trying to give you a signal. Think about what your fear is telling you, and find the answer to this question. In many cases, fears point us in the right direction for self-improvement.

In order to get rid of fear, it is necessary to develop the courage and skills for an “inner dialogue” with fear. Do not be afraid to get into situations that cause fear, but use them as a new opportunity to practice courage and the ability to cope with fear.

Imagine that this kind of training is similar to working out in the gym and building muscles. First you train with light weight, gradually switching to a heavier one. Similarly, with fears, we should initially exercise with a little fear, and then switch to a stronger one.

For example, the fear of public speaking in front of a large audience can be eliminated by practicing in front of a mirror at home, in front of a group of friends, and then in front of a small number of people, gradually increasing the audience size.

A fear of using the elevator can be gradually overcome by using the elevator with someone first, then asking someone to wait for you on the floor to which you will arrive, only afterwards using it independently. Patience and consistency are the main helpers in these exercises, which are designed to develop courage.

Finally, do not forget that when a person overcomes fears, he discovers new opportunities, becomes stronger, expands the boundaries of his personality, improves and moves forward, and also begins to see the world in new colors. So don’t let your fear take those chances and opportunities away from you. When you overcome fears, you become a different person.

Go ahead and face what you are afraid of!

Fear of Flying

Question: “Hello! I’m very afraid of flying. After the birth of my children, this fear has turned into panic. On board the plane, especially when taking off, landing, or during any turbulence, I immediately think that the plane is going down and we are all going to die. I begin to tremble, break into cold sweat, and have difficulty breathing. I understand that this is an exaggerated reaction, but I can not help myself. On the plane, everyone feels sorry for me. They try to calm me, and my children look at me in horror. I understand that I am probably transferring my fear to them. What should I do?”

According to statistics, every third person is worried about traveling on an airplane. And every ten will never overcome the fear of stepping on board a plane. Fear of flying, or aerophobia, is one of the most common fears.

We are afraid of flights because we do not have control on the plane. We cannot stop the aircraft to get out, as we could do when riding in a car. But ask yourself, what do we really control in life? Are we able to influence all events?

People may be run over by cars on a pedestrian crossing not because they were crossing the road recklessly, but because they are not able to control the actions of the driver of a car rushing into them. A short circuit may happen in your neighbor’s apartment, starting a fire in your apartment building, and again, you are not able to control these events or change them.

You may be pick pocketed by thieves in the supermarket or, as the banal proverb says, “On the street, a brick may fall on your head.”

Dangers surround us from all sides. Does this mean that we need to build a fireproof, waterproof, anti-radioactive, hermetic, sterile bunker, lock ourselves in it, and stay “safe”? Or would we better live our lives, no matter how long or short they may be, enjoying the company of our dear family and friends and being able to travel, learn new things, work, do our hobbies, watch our children grow and succeed in life, taste delicious food and wine, and enjoy beautiful sunsets and sunrises? None of us can be fully sheltered from troubles, illnesses, or accidents. And we can not keep everything under control.

They say that the risk of dying in a plane crash is 500,000 times less than the risk of dying in a car accident. Comparing the number of daily flights and passengers with the number of airplanes accidents and deaths, you will find that airplane crashes are very rare. According to statistics, on average, more than 5 billion people fly on planes each year, of which 400—500 die in airplane crashes. That is only one out of 10 million passengers. It’s as if one person per year died in New York, Moscow, or London!

But, for some reason, even when studying the statistics, many people who are afraid of flying think that, despite the calming data, misfortune will happen specifically to them. They will be among those 400—500 people who will die this year, and it’s their plane that will crash. And the fear thrives!

Fear is a natural psycho-physiological reaction, the purpose of which is to help a person mobilize when an unusual or unsafe situation happens. It is normal when the emotion of fear occurs as a response to a specific threat or a source of stress, and it intensifies when you are called upon to make a choice.

Anxiety disorder and fear of flying can be counted as one. It is an excessive, frequent, and unreasonable level of anxiety in the process of expecting or finding yourself in a certain situation causing anxiety.

Among anxiety disorders, the fear of flying is quite common. There are two types of anxiety associated with flying: the natural excitement before the flight, which is a manifestation of a healthy instinct for self-preservation, and a pronounced pathological anxiety. When the intensity, frequency, or duration of fear before flight exceeds the conventional limits of the norm and the fear becomes permanent, and when a person is not able to control, adequately perceive, or logically assess what is happening, we talk about a clinically significant manifestation of aerophobia.

Manifestation of Phobia

Aerophobia in most cases manifests itself in the same scenario. A few days before the upcoming flight, the person begins to experience fear, nausea, and stomach cramps. Once at the airport, the sticky sensation of fear increases. There is a heaviness in the legs, and cold sweats break out. When on the plane, the heart pounds, the head feels empty, and there is the sensation of a lack of oxygen. With every flight, the sensations become more and more frightening and all-consuming. At that stage, the person is even afraid to hear that he has to fly.

True fear does not give a person a chance for self-control. That is, it completely absorbs the individual. Then this fear governs the person, forcing him to avoid flying. If traveling by air cannot be avoided in any way, then the person’s nervous tension reaches its limit during the flight.

However, anxiety in aerophobia is not directly related to the instinct of self-preservation. It is almost always not related to reality, but is aimed at the future. Anxiety is completely irrational and focuses on an “imaginary” threat. Often, aerophobia manifests itself in people who have never traveled on a plane and who have never witnessed an air crash. Nevertheless, their anxiety is enormous, intense, and firmly fixed in both the consciousness and subconscious.

The symptoms of aerophobia include:

– racing heart

– chest pain

– increased sweating

– nausea and the urge to vomit

– a frequent urge to urinate

– tremor of the extremities

– difficulty breathing

– headaches

– pallor or redness of the face

– difficulty focusing

– irritability, nervousness, and restlessness

– difficulty falling and/or staying asleep, or “nightmares”

– feeling lightheaded

With an attack of aerophobia, the symptoms intensify, rapidly progress, and, reaching a peak, manifest as a panic attack, the repetition of which develops into a panic disorder.

What can help?

Before the Flight

First, ask yourself: why did you decide to be afraid of planes? Why did you decide that you would die in a plane crash? Our fate is unknown to us, and it is impossible to predict when and where our lives will end. An awareness and acceptance of the fact that in some situations the outcome does not directly depend on us can significantly reduce anxiety. Surrender control over how and when you leave this world to the discretion of your destiny and focus on living your life fully, joyfully, and with pleasure.

The human mind is structured in such a way that when a disturbing situation is discussed out loud, anxiety and emotional tension are significantly reduced. Therefore, it is important to establish the primary cause of the anxiety associated with the fear of flying, discussing this matter in a calm environment.

What exactly are you afraid of? Early death? Pain and suffering? The fact that your affairs (financial, property, personal correspondence, “skeletons in the closet”) will not be sorted out at the time of your death? Perhaps you did not have time to say “I love you” to your family, or did not have time to ask someone for forgiveness? Not sure who will raise your children (if they are still small)?

You can find solutions to each of these fears. In some cases, accepting and preparing for the worst case scenario helps get rid of fear. For example, the solutions could involve drafting your will and informing relatives about where this will be kept in case of your death. Or letting go of grudges and reconciling with the people you regret having had conflict with. Or reminding your loved ones of how much you love them.

Logical reasoning will also help you realize that a plane crash death is instantaneous and is not associated with pain or suffering, unlike, for example, what people experience when they are dying from cancer.

Today, many mobile applications are available that allow real-time monitoring of all planes currently in the air, charting their arrival at each airport. Thousands of flights a day are simultaneously in the air, taking off and landing at destination airports. Your flight is not the only one and certainly will not be the last in your life.

Those experiencing aerophobia should study how planes actually fly. You can watch documentaries or go to a special center with air trainers. After such training, you will not be disturbed by strange sounds you might hear either upon takeoff or during the flight. You will learn that turbulence zones and making several turns before approaching for landing are standard flying situations that are not dangerous.

During the Flight

Don’t be afraid to inform the flight attendants of your fear. Say hello to the pilot, if you have an opportunity. It is usually calming to see a professional in uniform who is behaving confidently.

It’s good to plan in advance what you will be doing during the flight. For example, you can watch a movie, listen to music or an audiobook, read a magazine or a book, or take a computer with you and work. The idea is to give yourself a distraction.

Many people are able to calm themselves with a tasty snack or drink. However, beware of drinks containing caffeine, as they may stir up an already-agitated nervous system. Try to drink a lot of water, because the cabin air is very dry. Some try to calm their panic by drinking alcohol. This is unlikely to help, and it can really make you feel worse. It is also not advisable to take strong medication on board, as medicines can affect you differently at high altitude. Remember: the fear of flying is not a disease that needs to be treated with medications.

Take a walk down the aisle and stretch your legs and arms. Such exercises will help restore your blood circulation. When you sit down, do some exercises for your feet, hands, arms, and shoulders.

If you feel that panic is beginning to overwhelm you, try to talk to the passenger next to you. Share with them that you have a fear of flying and that it’s hard for you to overcome it. Perhaps your new acquaintance will tell you something interesting and help distract you from frightening fantasies.

If none of these tips helps, close your eyes, take deep breaths and make even deeper exhales, focussing only on the positive experiences that this trip will bring.

After the Flight

If the fear is turning into an anxiety disorder, consult a specialist psychologist who works with fear. Cognitive-behavioral therapy is especially helpful in coping with irrational beliefs and anxieties. The task of the psychologist is to give an accurate, logical explanation for the physical symptoms associated with fear.

For example, a person should understand that rapid heartbeat is not a sign of a heart attack, but the result of an exaggerated reaction to a stressor. A fearful person needs to completely get rid of the uncertainty and ambiguity of what is happening to him before there can be a clear plan for reducing anxiety. Therapy will teach you to control your condition instead of trying to control the situation. The most effective way of getting rid of the fear of flying on an airplane is to fly as often as possible to retrain your internal response to fear.

Have a good flight!