Trevor leaned against the balcony and inhaled deeply. If the town house were about fifty miles due west, he would be able to smell the Pacific Ocean. He hadn’t liked all that much about living in Los Angeles, but he did miss his daily jog along the beach. Still, giving that up was a small price to pay for coming home.
Home. He smiled at the thought. He’d worked so hard to get away—college in three years, a fast-track through medical school, internship and residency—and here he was, back where he’d started. Considering all, there was no place he would rather be.
He moved away from the railing and sank onto the white plastic chair tucked in the corner. The night was cool but clear. He told himself he should go in and grab something for dinner. It was nearly nine and he hadn’t eaten yet But instead of stirring, he relaxed and let his head rest against the chair back. Here it was, a Saturday night, and he was all alone. Who would believe it?
One corner of his mouth twisted up. His reputation was an amazing thing. He’d always been impressed with the stories that circulated about him. How did they get started and why did people believe them? If he went out as often as the rumors claimed, he would be existing on less than three hours’ sleep a night. If he was intimate with as many women as those rumors maintained, he would have the libido of Don Juan and the endurance of a triathlete, not to mention the IQ of a gnat. In this day and age, casual sex was more than stupid—it was deadly.
The irony usually amused him. The contrast between what the world believed and reality was as great as that between water and fire. The truth was, he spent most nights alone...even Saturday nights. He preferred it that way. But sometimes he thought about what it would be like to have a special woman in his life. As he’d told Dana earlier that day, he might not regret leaving Vanessa, but he did miss being married.
Dana. The quirk at the corner of his mouth turned into a genuine smile. He was sorry he’d missed the look on her face when she’d realized they would be neighbors. She’d probably wanted to spit nails, but instead she’d been gracious. Some of that, he knew, was because of his father’s presence. She wasn’t about to curse him out in front of the chief of staff. Ironically, Walter was the person she should blame for Trevor’s current living conditions. That sly old dog. Matchmaking again.
Trevor thought back to his parents’ multiple attempts to fix him up with women. “Nice ladies,” his father called them. Women with humor and brains; some pretty, some not; all the type to be put off by his reputation. He’d dated a couple and they’d been among his most successful relationships. Both his parents had warned him about Vanessa, not wanting to interfere yet wanting him to know she was more interested in marrying someone as attractive as herself than in a genuine relationship. She’d wanted to be part of a handsome couple. Unfortunately, her pretty face hid the morals of an alley cat His parents had been right about her. He wished he’d seen it sooner. Once he’d decided to move back to Honeygrove, his father had started a subtle campaign to remind him of a girl he’d dated in high school. What his father didn’t know was that Trevor didn’t need any help remembering Dana. If anything, there were days he would like to be able to forget her.
A car pulled up nearby. He couldn’t see the vehicle, but he heard it stop and the doors open. A man and a woman stepped out, their voices carrying on the faint breeze. Another door opened, then a young girl laughed. From her conversation and the sound of her voice, she was around five or six. The family talked together as they headed for their town house.
Trevor swallowed the envy that welled inside him. He’d hoped for children, but Vanessa had convinced him to wait. At the time he’d been devastated, but now he was glad. He wouldn’t want her to be his child’s mother. Not after he’d learned the truth about her. But his ultimate goal hadn’t changed. He wanted what that couple had, what so many others had found. A loving mate, happy children, a contented home life.
The elusive dream. He closed his eyes and asked, as he had a thousand times, what combination of features and characteristics, what movements, what words, conspired to make people—women—assume the worst about him. He was not interested in sex for sex’s sake, nor did he crave a different woman every night If the world knew the few number of ladies he’d actually made love with... He grimaced. No one would believe him.
For the most part he ignored the rumors, until they hurt someone he cared about or kept him from someone he really wanted to know. Someone like Dana.
He told himself the past was long over and getting lost in it again was a waste of time. He reached for the bottle of beer sitting on the plastic table next to him and took a drink. He tried to think of other things, of the surgeries he had scheduled for next week, of the two patients he’d admitted to the hospital that Saturday morning. He even toyed with the idea of renting a video. But it wasn’t enough. Silent and unwelcome, the past intruded, slipping by his defenses and swirling through his mind like thick fog.
He didn’t even have to close his eyes to remember. The image was so clear, so striking, it was almost like looking at a life-sized photograph. He could see Dana in black jeans and a fuzzy peach sweater the exact color of her tempting mouth, clutching her books to her chest. She’d been all of fifteen, a sophomore in high school. Big eyes and a smile that lit up the room.
He’d told himself she was too young. After all, he was a senior, only a few months shy of graduation. But something about her had appealed to him. Maybe it was the way she blushed every time he caught her looking at him. Or the faint stutter when she’d managed to return his casual “hi” after the championship basketball game.
He told himself not to go there—the past would offer nothing but heartache. The past was finished and couldn’t be changed. He was ten kinds of fool for wanting to relive it. Still, he relaxed in his chair and closed his eyes.
He could smell the rain of the afternoon. Ironically, it had been April, as it was now...only a lifetime ago. He recalled standing by his locker as one girl after the other said hello to him. Even then he’d had an undeserved reputation for having a way with “chicks.” They, his friends joked, playing on the word, “flocked to him.” At seventeen, he hadn’t understood the phenomenon any more than he did now, but back then it had seemed more of a blessing than a curse. He could get as many dates as he wanted, with any girl he wanted. After taking out a few of the prettiest ones, he found he needed more than someone to look at He wanted to care about the girl he was with; he wanted to be intrigued. Which was why he’d finally gathered the courage to talk to Dana.
Trevor smiled at how nervous he’d been. He’d felt terror that she would notice his shaking and sweating or that his voice would betray him by cracking. She’d been standing with her two close friends, Katie and Lee, friends who were still important to her. The three girls had looked at him, but he’d seen only Dana.
“Hi,” he’d managed, pleased his voice didn’t crack.
She’d blushed, but had managed to hold his gaze. “Hi, Trevor.”
Idiotically, he was thrilled she knew his name. In his head he understood that he was a popular senior and many underclass students knew who he was. But this was Dana. That she had taken the time to figure out who he was made him feel he could conquer the world.
“How’s it going?” he asked.
“Fine.” Her voice was low and soft.
He pointed to her math text. “You taking Murphy’s class?”
She nodded.
Mr. Murphy was known for his Friday tests and not grading on a curve. “How are you doing in algebra?”
“Pretty good. He’s hard, but I like math, so I don’t mind.”
He tried to think of something funny to say, or something that would put her at ease. But his usual wordplay had deserted him. He could only think about how much he wanted to make her smile, and maybe hold her hand.
“I was, ah—” he cleared his throat “—going to the library tonight to study. About seven-thirty. You want to come?”
Technically, it wasn’t a date. In the peculiar world that was Honeygrove High School, the library was considered neutral territory. A safe place for a potentially interested boy and girl to test the waters. Many a relationship had blossomed or fizzled between the tall rows of dusty books.
From the corner of his eye he saw Lee and Katie exchange amazed glances. Seniors didn’t date sophomores. Trevor knew he would take some heat from his buddies, but he didn’t care. There was something about Dana. Something that made him—
“I’d have to be home by nine-thirty,” she said, and squeezed her eyes shut. “Dumb, huh? But it’s a school night and my mom insists.”
When she didn’t open her eyes, he realized she was waiting for him to mock her. Instead, he wanted to grab her in his arms and give her a bear hug. Or shout his pleasure to the world. In a roundabout way she’d just said yes.
“No problem.” Now that he’d been accepted, his ability to be cool returned in spades. “I’ll pick you up at seven-thirty.”
Her eyes popped open, along with her mouth. She blinked. “You will?”
“Sure. See ya.”
He walked casually down the hall, greeting friends, acting as though nothing extraordinary had happened. Of course, no one knew that his heart pounded like a jackhammer as he worried about finding a secluded table at the library and at the same moment tried to figure out how he would have time to wash his car before he picked her up.
When he reached his classroom, he glanced back. Dana stood with her friends. The three girls were talking frantically and gesturing. Dana’s smile was so wide she looked as if she’d just been crowned a beauty queen. His lips curved up in response. Tonight couldn’t come fast enough.
* * *
It was 9:16. Trevor let his wrist rest casually over his steering wheel so she wouldn’t know he’d been checking the time. Dana’s mother had been pretty impressed with him. Parents usually liked him well enough, so he doubted Mrs. Rowan would mind if her daughter was a few minutes late. But he was determined to get Dana inside on time. He’d learned that by sticking to the rules from the beginning, he and his date found it easier to negotiate changes later. Besides, he didn’t want to make Dana uncomfortable. A voice in his gut told him this wasn’t going to be a casual relationship. He was in it for the long term and he could afford to take it slow.
Which didn’t mean he wouldn’t kiss her. If she cooperated.
She was staring at the algebra book on her lap. Her left index finger traced the edge of the spine up and down. He could feel her nervousness, her uncertainty, and he guessed she’d never been out with a boy before. Which probably meant she hadn’t been kissed. The thought of being her first pleased him.
He leaned forward slightly and rested his right hand on her shoulder. “I had a good time.”
She looked up, eyes wide like a cornered animal. She nodded. “Me, too.”
“You’re pretty smart.”
Dismay filled her face. “Oh. Sorry.”
“No. Don’t apologize. I like smart girls. I can talk to them. They say stuff back.” He grinned now, remembering their heated discussion about the right way to solve a word problem. “You’re not afraid to tell me what you think.” “My mom says I’m too outspoken.”
She was warm and the peach sweater was as soft as it looked. He moved his hand closer to her neck, then stroked the delicate skin under her ear. Her breath caught and he felt a shiver race through her.
“Outspoken is good,” he said lightly, relieved it was dark in the car. She wouldn’t be able to see his predictable reaction to her nearness. It was embarrassing. He’d gotten hard the second he’d seen her and things hadn’t changed in the past two hours.
“You think so? I’m not sure. My mom says—”
He leaned over the console between them and angled his head. She stopped talking and froze in place, her mouth slightly parted, her eyes still wide. His lips touched hers.
Lightning ripped through him. Heat and need and feelings he’d never experienced before. He was trembling and felt as if he were about to explode. Fighting the desire to haul her hard against him, he kept the kiss light and still, trying to give her time to get used to what they were doing. After about a minute, he drew back somewhat.
Her eyes were closed, her mouth still parted. She smiled and touched a hand to her lips. “Wow.” Her eyes opened and she covered her face with her hands. “Oh, no. I didn’t really say that, did I?”
He chuckled. “Yeah, you did, and I’m glad. I thought it was a ‘wow,’ too.”
She peeked at him between her fingers. “You did?”
“Promise.”
He cupped the back of her neck and drew her closer. This time she melted against him. Her slender arms settled around his neck and he felt the tentative touch of her fingers in his hair. Her mouth yielded to his. He thought about deepening the kiss, but he was conscious of the time and of not wanting to go too far, too fast She was special and he wanted to enjoy every moment they had.
“Dana, I have to take you in,” he murmured against her mouth.
“Oh.” She nodded. “I guess you’re right.”
“Can I see you tomorrow?”
“Yes!” she said eagerly. “Of course. I’d like that.”
He loved that she wasn’t grown up enough to be sophisticated. In time she would learn to pretend a lack of interest, to be coy and hold back. But her enthusiasm only made him like her more.
“Tomorrow is Friday. How about getting something to eat, then going to a movie. What’s your curfew?”
She chewed her bottom lip. “I don’t know. I’ve never been—” Even in the shadowed light of the Mustang’s front seat he saw her blush. “That is, you’re sort of my first, well...date.” The last word came out as a whisper.
“I’m glad.” He climbed out of the car and walked around to her door, then escorted her to her small apartment. “You can let me know tomorrow at school. I’ll talk to you at lunch.”
“Okay.”
When he took her hand, she stared at him in wonder, then smiled. His chest tightened with pleasure. She was very special, he told himself as he waited while she unlocked the door and stepped inside. He’d finally found a girl he could really like and he promised himself he would do everything in his power to make this work.
* * *
“Trevor,” she breathed, her voice thick with passion. “I think I like this.”
He’d fallen for her, he thought with wonder. It had only been a few weeks and already he didn’t know how he’d managed to survive without her. Around Dana, he felt able to take on the world. The rumors about his playing around didn’t matter. He was hers and she knew that She believed in him. He hadn’t realized how much he’d needed that belief, until she’d given it so completely. Her honesty, her intelligence, her humor, her adoration, all conspired to make him love her. Which he could handle. It was their sensual playfulness that was getting him into trouble. Her shirt had long since been discarded and he was fighting the temptation to remove her bra.
“This is a mistake,” he muttered, searching for control. He could hear his hormones laughing at his feeble attempts.
“I’m glad your parents are away for the weekend,” Dana said, and dropped a kiss on his mouth. “This is fun.”
She rubbed against him again and he groaned. “You can’t keep doing that. Dana, I’m serious. You can feel what’s happening to me. It means I want you. I know you like the kissing and touching, but you’re not ready for anything else.”
He placed his hands on her waist and lifted her off him, then rolled into a sitting position and tried to think pure thoughts.
Dana came up behind him and wrapped her arms around him. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to tease you. I like what we do together. But you’re right. We should stop.”
The lamp on the nightstand provided the only illumination in his room. He stared at the bookshelves in front of him, at the familiar trophies for football and track, at a few car models and some books. But he didn’t see any of them.
He turned and cupped her face. “Dana, I wish...”
She smiled. “I know. I love you, Trevor.”
His breath caught in his throat. Had she really said those magic words? He’d never been happier in his life. “I love you, too. I love you so much I—”
She kissed him, cutting off his words. He pulled her close and they tumbled back onto the bed. They were kissing and touching, and suddenly they were both naked and he was stroking her belly, moving closer to that place he’d never been before.
He nuzzled her breasts, tasting them, tasting her, hoping she didn’t notice how much he was shaking. He’d experimented with girls before, but he’d never made love.
As he prepared to enter her, he asked, “Should I stop?”
She shook her head. “I love you.”
He drew in a shuddering breath and slowly entered her. The pressure was unbearable, as was the pleasure. He tried to hold back, to think of something else, but it was like trying to control the tide. One more thrust of his hips and he lost it.
When the spasms had faded, he looked at her. Dana touched his face. “I thought it would take longer.”
Typical Dana, who didn’t know enough to pretend to salvage his male ego. He kissed her fiercely. “Don’t ever change,” he told her. “I love you exactly as you are.”
She wrinkled her nose. “What does that have to do with anything?” She shifted against him.
Amazingly enough, he felt himself become aroused again. He started to move. “Let’s try that once more,” he said. “This time it will be longer.”
She pulled him close and kissed him. “I think I’d like that,” she murmured against his mouth.
* * *
On Monday Trevor got to school late. He’d had a dentist appointment and for once he hadn’t minded having his teeth cleaned. In fact, he figured he could have flown to school instead of driven. He’d never been so happy in his life.
Friday night had been magical. His only regret was that Dana had spent the rest of the weekend with her mother— some family obligation she hadn’t been able to get out of. But he would see her tonight.
He walked into school just in time for fourth period. He slid into his seat next to his best friend, Joel, who gave him a knowing wink. The two boys had hung out the previous afternoon and Trevor had confessed what had happened with Dana.
As his history teacher lectured on the precursors to Pearl Harbor, Trevor noticed he was getting more attention than usual.
Karl, a fellow football player and full-time jerk, leaned over and whispered, “I heard about you and Dana. Way to go.”
Trevor frowned. The comments continued when he left class. By lunch he realized the entire school knew. He was furious for both Dana and himself and concerned for her. While making love was seen as a rite of passage for males, females could easily be labeled sluts. He didn’t want anyone saying anything bad to Dana.
He searched for her through lunch, but never saw her or her friends. Finally, he cut his last class and drove to her apartment.
She was pale, her cheeks tearstained, her shoulders slumped as she answered the door. Her pain was so tangible he felt it cutting through him, too.
“Dana, what—”
She held up her hand to stop him from talking. “Don’t,” she said harshly, her voice cracking with sobs. “Just don’t. You got what you wanted. I almost understand that. What I don’t understand is how you could have told everyone.” Fresh tears filled her eyes and trickled down her cheeks.
“I didn’t,” he said. “I swear.” He didn’t tell anyone. Except Joel. Joel, who had always watched Dana, had always made cracks about her. Trevor hadn’t thought about it one way or the other until that moment Had his friend wanted Dana for himself?
“Do you know what they’re saying about me?” she asked. “Do you know what they called me today?”
He was bleeding to death. He could feel the gaping hole in his chest. “Dana, listen to me. I love you. I would never do anything to hurt you.”
“Liar.”
She said the single word with a finality that told him she’d already made up her mind.
“I never want to see you again,” she continued. “Don’t come over here or talk to me. Don’t even look at me. I’ll hate you forever. I swear I will.”
He’d tried everything. He’d written notes, spoken with her friends, called her daily. But he had nothing he could offer her as proof. Joel had denied everything, then taken Dana’s side, as if he, too, believed Trevor had been the one to spread the rumors. Trevor’s only relief had come the following fall, when he’d finally left for college.
Trevor reached for the beer on the table at his side and gave his head a quick shake, hoping to dislodge the memories. He knew better than to spend much time in the past It had a way of grabbing on to him and never letting go. Dana had thought their brief relationship meant nothing to him, yet she was the reason he’d completed his undergraduate degree in three years instead of four. At first he’d buried himself in his studies to forget. Eventually he got caught up in the process, until the work consumed him and became its own reward. And now she was back in his life.
He knew he hadn’t returned to Honeygrove because of her, yet he couldn’t be sorry she was around. He didn’t expect to pick things up where they’d left off, but he would like a chance to make things right. For reasons he didn’t want to explore, he would prefer that Dana not think of him as the bad guy. When that was resolved, he would make some effort in his personal life. It was time to find someone, and settle down. He wanted a loving relationship and a couple of kids. Goals most men found easy to accomplish, although he’d had a hell of a time making that happen.
All he wanted was someone to see him for who and what he was on the inside. Someone to care about him, to believe in him and the truth instead of the rumors.
He finished the beer and stood. If that didn’t happen, there was always work. He could bury himself in it just as he’d buried himself in his studies. It was one lesson he’d learned very well.
* * *
“We went dancing,” Sally said. “You know, that new club downtown? The one with the really cute D.J.?” She sighed rapturously and wrapped her arms around herself. “He held me close and I thought I was going to die.”
“You’re going to wish you had if you let yourself fall for him,” Melba intoned ominously. “I’m telling you, don’t go getting serious about Trevor MacAllister.”
Angie, a blond nurse pretty enough to make other women dislike her on sight, came up and joined the conversation. “Listen to Melba,” she said, and gave a slow, self-satisfied smile. “You might have had him Saturday night, Sally, but I had him all Sunday night, and I do mean all.” She gave a little wink, then walked over to the elevator and pushed the Down button.
Dana wished there were a means for her to gracefully escape from the conversation, but she was trapped between Sally and Melba, with no way to tell them she wasn’t interested in the object of their conversation. Worse, she was stuck waiting for him. He needed to talk about several changes in the current surgery schedule.
“Like I said, we went dancing,” Sally repeated, speaking loudly so that Angie could hear. She tucked a strand of dark curly hair behind her ear. “Some of us don’t believe in putting out on the first date. You know, some of us believe we’re worth more and have some class.”
Angie glanced over her shoulder and grinned. “Some of us got asked and some of us didn’t.” She rolled her eyes. “I’m so tired. I swear, I didn’t get but a couple hours’ sleep. I would blame him completely, but he kept telling me he was inspired.”
Dana gritted her teeth. She told herself she was annoyed at being kept waiting, then shook off the thought. No point in lying to herself. She knew better. She was cranky because she’d actually started to believe Trevor’s “I’m so alone” act. To think that she’d gone over and actually helped him unpack. He must have been laughing when she left. All that talk about his ex-wife and how he’d found her with another man.
She clutched her clipboard and wished she could toss it across the room. To make matters worse, she’d truly felt sorry for Trevor. Like an idiot, she’d assumed he’d spent Saturday night in. After all, she’d heard his television playing until nearly nine at night
She turned to Sally. “I know that Trevor moved over the weekend,” she said. “He must have been busy unpacking. What time did he pick you up?”
Sally looked surprised that Dana had joined the conversation, but she answered quickly enough. “Late. The club doesn’t really get going until almost eleven.”
There went that theory. By ten Dana had been reading in bed. She wouldn’t have heard Trevor leaving the town house. Not that it was any of her business.
She knew that her irritation was fueled by the fact that she’d been so taken in by him, and had been feeling guilty for being slightly less than pleasant during their conversation. She’d seriously considered inviting him over for dinner on Sunday. Good thing she hadn’t.
Never again, she told herself. She would do her best to avoid the man like the wart scum he was. The next time she saw him, she would—
The elevator doors opened and Trevor stepped out. All conversation ceased as the four women turned their attention to him.
“There you are,” he said.
Dana blinked. He’d walked right past Angie and Sally with little more than a nod, but he was giving her one of his better smiles. That didn’t make sense. How could he ignore those other women? He’d dated them. According to Angie, he and the pretty nurse had done the wild thing through most of the night.
“Dr. MacAllister,” she said, ignoring the frenzy stirred up by her suddenly out-of-control hormones. Bad enough that he was a skirt chaser. Worse that her own body betrayed her by melting on command every time she saw him and he bestowed a smile on her. Why couldn’t she grow up? A crush at fifteen was excusable. A crush at her age made her look really stupid.
“I’m sorry about having to make changes,” he said, motioning for her to lead the way to her office.
She glanced back and saw the three nurses eyeing them. He still didn’t acknowledge any of them. How strange.
“The schedule is more flexible than usual this week,” she said. She entered her office and moved to sit behind her desk. Trevor took the chair across from her. He pulled a sheet of paper out of the front right pocket of his white coat.
She watched him as he read the sheet. “You look tired,” she said. “Rough night?”
The words popped out without warning. When he glanced at her, she was determined to bluff her way through and tried to smile casually. She wasn’t sure how it actually looked.
“I was up late unpacking,” he said.
“You didn’t have a date?” She heard the incredulity in her voice and wished she could call back the question.
“No. I stayed in. What about you? Anything fun over the weekend?”
Her social life was incredibly dismal, but he didn’t need to know that “I prefer to keep conversation strictly business.”
“I see.” Perfect eyebrows arched. “You were the one asking about my personal life.”
“I know. I apologize. For a moment I forgot myself.”
He leaned forward and rested his hands on her desk. “Forget away.”
Her brain screamed at her to watch out. Trevor was lethal when he flirted. She’d already suffered once at his hands and didn’t see any reason to do it a second time.
“This is none of my business,” she said slowly. “But I want to remind you that hospitals are notorious for gossip. While there’s no policy against staff members dating, it can create tension in the workplace. You might want to remind your dates that they should be discreet”
“My dates?” He studied her for a moment. “I see. How many did I have this past weekend?”
“Two that I heard about”
Hazel green eyes stared at a place over her left shoulder. His facial expression didn’t change, but suddenly she couldn’t read what he was thinking. It was as though an invisible screen had fallen to shield him.
He handed her the piece of paper. “These are my changes in the surgery schedule. If there’s a problem, I would appreciate you contacting my office.”
He was gone before she could say anything else. Dana was left staring after him, wondering why on earth she felt as if she’d disappointed him.