Lyn Rowe stirred to the glare of headlights at the bedroom window. Transfixed by the light and the silence she flinched at the ‘clunk’ of the car door and the tip-tap of footsteps on the drive, but in that moment Lyn already knew this wasn’t the neighbours returning late or a stranger who had taken a wrong turning.

Lyn was halfway down the stairs when she heard the doorbell. Caught in a frightening wave of certainty she had no doubt that the dark-suited figure standing at her front door was the messenger she prayed would never visit her family.

‘Mrs Rowe? Can I come in please?’

The man held his ID card against the window by the door.

‘No, you can’t come in!’ Lyn found her voice as she felt her husband’s arm around her. ‘I can’t let you in because I know what you’re going to tell me.’

K, the family’s dog, was barking like mad as the caller tried again: ‘I need to speak to you, Mrs Rowe.’

All five foot two inches of Lyn Rowe was now barring the door. ‘Now why would I let you into my house when I know what you are going to say to us? No, go away!’

Ken Rowe stepped forward, standing tall between his wife and the door.

‘Mr Rowe,’ the messenger persisted, ‘can you please ask your wife to open the door?’

LYN

We must have stood in the hall a good few minutes looking through the glass porch at the man waiting. I knew that if I let him into our home my world would change and I was prepared to stand there forever if it meant never having to hear the words he had come to say.

All the time we stood there I felt as if my feet had been bolted to the floor, but the moment Ken pulled me closer I knew the wait was over. He loosened his grip on my arm and leant out to open the door.

‘Mr and Mrs Rowe, I’m sorry for the early hour but I need to speak with you. Can I come in?’

I didn’t have a chance to say no again as the man took advantage of the open door, as I knew he would. I couldn’t move. I was transfixed by his boots as he wiped them on the mat and Ken showed him into the lounge.

I only remember flashes of what happened next but I know he asked us to sit down, but I took the news standing up.

‘We’ve received news that concerns your son, Kenneth. He was on duty in Helmand Province with B Company 2nd Battalion Parachute Regiment (2 Para) when they came under heavy attack from a group of insurgents armed with rocket-propelled grenades. Kenneth took a direct hit and his dog, Sasha, too. They were killed instantly. They fell together, Mrs Rowe. Kenneth didn’t die alone.’

A silence overpowered the room. The dog stopped barking.

There’s still a sense of the surreal about that morning. It’s not because of what was said to me, because I knew what that would be from the first flash of the car headlights, but maybe it’s more to do with the short time it took for it to be explained. In less than an hour I had lost my son. He was 24 years old.

Kenneth (I always call him Kenneth as his father is Ken) was a soldier who loved dogs and died doing the job he loved. I knew that if there was any way by which he would have wanted to leave us forever it would have been doing his duty as a Military Working Dog handler. It was the job he wanted to do and the one he signed up for. And to have his search dog, Sasha, at his side at the end, well, maybe he would have been characteristically … proud. Proud to have been doing his duty to the last second of his life.

Of course, none of that came into my head that July morning in 2008. I’ve since been told that what happened next was done in shock and denial, and maybe that’s right. One thing I’m sure of is that Kenneth would have been surprised if I had behaved in any other way.

‘So how long do I have to tell the family?’ I remember asking the man from the MoD. ‘We have a large family and I want them to hear this news from me, not the BBC. How long?’

He told me we had until late morning, latest, as Kenneth’s death would be announced on the BBC lunchtime news. And he needed a photograph of my son, if that was all right.

It was still only 3am but by then time was irrelevant. I am one of six children and Ken had his mother and two sisters to reach, so with nephews, nieces and cousins on top of that it was pretty much a race against time. He kindly asked if there was anything he could do to help. I hope he saw that I was already making a list in my head of people I needed to speak to, and as soon as he left I started transferring my thoughts to paper.

I decided it was too early to start calling people, even family – after all, it was the kind of news that could wait until everyone else’s day had begun. Nothing was going to change the news or make it any better, but at least I could make a list of who needed to know. I decided that 6am would be a good time to start making the rounds. But what about work?

As Practice Manager for a large legal firm in Newcastle I always had plenty on my plate. All my friends and colleagues know I’m a workaholic, but at that particular time I was right in the middle of an audit that would achieve a European standard for all the offices in the firm. The audit was nearly over and there was no way I was going to walk out and let everyone down. I told myself that I was going to complete it and cope.

I filled two pages of A4 notepaper with instructions for the team. Every detail of all they had to do to complete the audit and achieve the accreditation was there. It was still only 5.30am but I decided that it was best to deliver the notes and the files I had with me to the office so they would be there when it opened. Ken drove while I thought back over what I’d written, but when we arrived I realised that I couldn’t get into the main building without setting off the full alarm system. Thankfully I had access to the garage so we stacked the boxes of files in there and put the notes on top. I knew I could explain anything else when I phoned my boss later. That was work done. Sorted.

Now, my family.

It was still only 6.10am. Then it hit me, my beautiful girls. I had to tell them they had lost their brother. Dear God – was this some kind of nightmare?

When we arrived at Jennifer’s house I sat in the car for a minute or so to get myself together before Ken took my hand to help me out of the car. I will never forget Jeni’s face when she opened the door; she knew something was very wrong and I’m not sure that it really registered when I finally uttered the words: ‘Kenneth’s been killed …’

She took the news reasonably well. Probably in shock, I realise that now. We hugged like we would never let each other go. Ken held us both. Our rock. Our protector. But even this was beyond him.

We couldn’t bear to leave Jeni behind so she came with us to Stephanie’s home, just a short distance away. It’s still a comfort to know they live so close to each other and that morning I was especially relieved as Steph took it very badly. Kenneth was her big brother and watched over her. Yes, he could be more than over-protective, but it was all part of his love for his little sister. Now he was gone.

I hated

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