Lifehack for Moms. A fun book for loving moms!

Editor Tatyana Fomina

Illustrator Julia Bodinova

Translator Anna Tanrikulu

© Maria Savina, 2020

© Julia Bodinova, illustrations, 2020

© Anna Tanrikulu, translation, 2020

ISBN 978-5-0051-7642-4

Created with Ridero smart publishing system

2018

Editor Tatyana Fomina

Illustrated by Julia Bodinova

Translated by Anna Tanrikulu

Acknowledgements

I am grateful to my beloved husband and son. If not for them, I would have never written this book.

I would also like to thank:

Maria Korobova, who inspired me to write this book;

Tatyana Fomina, my understanding and literate editor;

Julia Bodinova, who painted amazing water-color illustrations;

Elizaveta Kaltygina, Anastasia Getman and Mikhail Adrisov, who helped me to understand what to do with this book once it was finished;

All mothers and experts who answered my endless questions;

And all of those who helped, supported and waited eagerly.

Dedicated to all new moms out there…

What is the most important thing about child care? Throughout my pregnancy I’ve read tons of books, magazines and articles on the Internet on how to organize breastfeeding, bathe a baby, tell the difference between a bodysuit and a sleepsuit, and choose the right kind of pram suitable for Siberian snow drifts.

In these nine months I’ve managed to read the equivalent of Encyclopaedia Britannica, and surely I knew everything about child care. Well, I was wrong.

After my son was born I realized that I did not read about the most important thing. Apparently, it is all about being a calm and sane mother, which is not so easy to achieve when you sleep only on national holidays and have a colicky baby by your side.

I remember making myself wake up in the mornings after six good night sleeps, each lasting about 18 minutes. “Good morning, sunshine!” I would say to my son, thinking: “I hope I can make it to the evening”.

During the day my son was pure angel. He was looking around, making funny noises and smiling to his mommy. Surely he was having enough sleep! Sometimes though, there were drills during the day as well. Like a bolt from the blue, this tiny baby would suddenly turn on a siren so loud that windows were rattling, and I would rush to his crib, throwing unpeeled potatoes into the soup as I went. So what was that about a calm and sane mother?

It turned out that there was absolutely no point in reading articles such as How to Decorate a Nursery in Pastel Tones or The Best Nursery Rhymes for the Little Ones. It would have made more sense to read something like How to Survive if you Sleep Four Hours a Day, How to Salvage Badly Bitten Breasts or 10 Ways to Reach Nirvana During Baby Colic.

It is not really accepted to complain after you’ve had a baby. Society believes that new mothers must look happy 24/7, always smile and flutter about on the wings of maternal happiness. In reality, every new mother knows about lack of sleep, lack of time and backache. The first months (or even years) of motherhood is a borderline between happiness and a nervous breakdown. All-consuming love for your child lives side by side with horrible anxiety, and infinite happiness goes hand in hand with tears of exhaustion. In short, the words “paradox” and “motherhood” should be synonyms.

If you find yourself at a loss while reading this, you probably do not have children yet. And if you do, then you are probably the father, not the mother.

I truly hope to cheer up all new mothers and tell them honestly and openly: “Yes, we all go through the same things! I know it is not easy for you now, but it will get better with every month! Yes, he (she) will really sleep better one day!”

Right now, many months after the birth of my son, all those first challenges seem like nothing. Only drafts for this book, like a black box from a plane, allowing me to remember those difficult times when I was worn out and cried from exhaustion (((and wanted to run away to the Maldives))))

With time I found harmony and got used to my new lifestyle. I already had my own little tricks about easy child care, our favorite routes and places for walks, our simple little games and small joys. I learned to find time for everything and concentrate on the most important. I learned how to enjoy the little things. And I learned all of this from my son.

There I was, already giving advice to my friend who was soon to be a mom. She was bombing me with questions about diaper brands, right number of wheels in a pram and the best form of breastfeeding pillows. I was writing all those lifehacks down and sending it to her one by one. Then she gave birth, and her questions changed direction to When am I going to get enough sleep, How to survive days that are exactly the same and When is it going to get easier. I tried to cheer up the new mommy, telling her about my experience. I told her all those things that I longed to hear when my son was born.

Some time later another one of my friends gave birth, and we had exactly the same conversations. This is how my personal experience made its way to becoming a whole book.

Lifehack For Moms is a compilation of ideas and advice which helped me. I wrote honestly, with a great deal of self-irony and endless love for the main character in this book – my son Matvey.

This book is not going to teach you how to raise a child. Here you will not find any strict rules of breastfeeding, first baby foods or early childhood development. I just wanted to help all new mothers make their first months of motherhood a little bit easier, happier and more comfortable. I would be very glad if you did not worry too much and enjoyed more of those happy minutes of being with your little one.

This book contains simple advice on how to bathe a newborn baby or dress him/her for a walk, as well as lifehacks on the most burning issues such as “How to teach a child to fall asleep easily”, “How to find time for everything” and “How to get back in shape after birth”.

Although I have only one child I consider that I do have enough knowledge about motherhood. Moreover, some chapters contain advice from experts and opinions of other moms.

I would be happy if you find something useful in this book and put it into practice. But please, do not take it too seriously and do not consider it to be the ultimate manual of child care. Take into consideration only those things which comply with your own views and just laugh together with me at the main hero of this book and his crazy mother.

By the way, there is something that is not written anywhere. You could read all about swaddling, bathing and breastfeeding, easily cite Sears and doctor Spock, and practice carrying your cat in a sling… But you will never be ready for motherhood. I am talking about the feeling that you are a mom now, and your life will never ever be the same again. And it is amazing!

Have fun reading!

Chapter 1. Shopping for a newborn

There will be no special lifehacks in this chapter, but since I claimed that this book will be useful for future mothers, it is important to begin with baby essentials shopping list. It is something that every mom-to-be would really need. I remember googling what to buy in preparation for a baby and finding tons of different checklists. I tried finding out what they had in common and wrote out all the differences. In short, I was (((wasting my time))) doing research.

It turned out that there are not that many things which are really essential to buy before the baby arrives. But who will stop a pregnant woman from shopping? I know how much pleasure it brings so I am definitely not going to stop you. I will just write a list of things that came in handy personally for me.

І. Things you need to buy before the baby is born:

1. Baby bed. Most future parents start by buying a crib. I would say that in this case brand does not matter. Your baby cannot read yet so he/she won’t know that you bought a locally manufactured bed instead of a fancy Italian one. Moreover, let me assure you that in the beginning your baby will probably sleep everywhere else but in his own bed – i.e. in your bed, in a pram or in your arms. Our son boycotted his bed and screamed every time when we tried to put him in there (apparently he did guess that it was not Italian design!)

Nevertheless, even if you are a fan of natural parenting and co-sleeping, you still need a baby bed, simply to put a child in it when you are going to take a shower. This way you will be sure that your little one does not roll anywhere or fall.

There are many bed choices available: on wheels, stable ones, rocking ones… We took the one on wheels. Many times we just moved the bed around, following feng shui or just at random. So the wheels turned out to be very useful. It is very convenient to move such a bed around, rocking the baby to sleep. I guess those rocking beds would also work for that purpose, especially during the first months as they would help to calm down a newborn child.

Make sure to buy soft bumpers for the bed so that the baby will not bang and hurt him/herself or stick his leg between the rods.

There are baby beds that could be put right next to the parents’ bed, which is very convenient. In that case the gap between the beds can be filled with rolled towels. It is a great compromise for those moms and dads who want the baby to sleep next to them but are not fond of the idea of sleeping in the same bed with the child. We are those type of parents, so it would have worked perfectly for us, but we made a big mistake of not paying attention that both mattresses must match in height. So it turned out that even if we lowered the bottom of the crib, it still would not have worked.

This is why we decided to buy a baby bassinet that attaches to the parents’ bed. It worked perfectly for the first months. I loved that thing, but by the time my son turned five months old, it was already too small for him.

2. Mattress for the baby bed should be hard enough and does not sag easily.

3. Waterproof cloth under the sheet. It is better to use the one with soft surface that absorbs moisture.

4. Fitted sheets the right size for your mattress (2—3 pcs.).

5. Instead of a blanket, which is easily pushed away by restless little legs, use a baby sleeping bag with a zip. It is important that the size of a neck-hole is smaller than the size of a baby’s head.

6. A cotton blanket is a very useful thing. For example, you can use it on a walk when a sunny day suddenly gets a little cooler.

7. Fleece throw blanket for winter walks and traveling in the car.

8. Baby changing table with a chest of drawers (two in one). You need it to change a baby, store diapers and take care of your back. Do not forget to buy a soft mattress with bumpers. It is better to use a washable mattress (we had an inflatable one).

9. Trash can with a lid (for used diapers) and a basket for dirty clothes and baby linen. All these things should be put next to your changing table.

10. Towel. Any soft type is good, but it is convenient to use the one with the hood. There are many cute funny towels with bear ears or other little details that will lift up your mood.

11. Air humidifier. This device is often absent from baby shopping lists for no good reason. Good humidity level is important for child health.

12. Video baby monitor. It is an essential device for home, as well as for traveling. Even when a baby is asleep in his/her bed, any normal mother would come check on him/her every once in a while. Put the monitor next to you, watch your cute sleeping baby and enjoy your cup of tea! I was even taking the monitor with me to the shower, because through the sound of the running water it always seems like the baby is crying. I suppose the brand does not really matter. It is important that the device works properly. Our baby monitor also has a feedback button (such a useless function), Chinese soothing music (even more useless) and a thermometer (which shows an outright lie). But overall it is a great device!

13. Baby pram/stroller. This topic is definitely a success with marketing specialists. Any pregnant woman will be exhausted from choosing and comparing all the different models available on the market. Transformers, baby carriages 3 in 1, with four wheels or three, with hand brakes and a special step for the older child, and even with an indicator whether the baby is in the pram or not… I am not joking, there is really such a thing! I am convinced that the most important thing in a pram is its reasonable weight, especially if the architect who designed your house did not have children and thus did not make any ramps (such is the case with our apartment block).

14. Baby carriage needs a rain cover (often comes together with the carriage) and a mosquito net for the summer.

15. Child safety seat. Technology is ever improving so you can read about the currently safest seats yourself. The most important thing is that for the first months it must be a seat from 0 or 0+ category, where a child does not sit upright. It is more reasonable to buy a safety seat with a wider age range in order not to buy a new one after some months. Such seats have a special infant insert that is used for newborns, and when a baby grows and can sit, the insert is easily removed.

16. Diapers. The size is easily determined by your baby’s weight. Each pack has a weight range (0—5 kg, 4—8 kg and so on). During the first year we tried all famous diaper brands. Not because we (or Matvey’s bottom, for that matter) were not happy with a particular brand. Only his bottom was naturally getting bigger, so at some point diapers would start to leak, and we had to switch to other brands.

17. Baby wipes for hygiene care (when for some reason running water is not available). It is a very useful thing when you are on the road, at somebody’s house or elsewhere.

18. Disposable baby care underpads. In terms of brand, it could be anything. The purpose and function of these things are all the same anyway. Underpads are used on a baby changing table, when the baby is left laying naked for some time, or when you are not at home, visiting your friends or at the doctor’s.

19. Swaddles. I would suggest buying several pieces (for example, muslin or flannel ones, 3—5 pieces of each). Later you will decide for yourself if you need some more. These things are not expensive and will not affect your budget, even if you end up not using them. There are swaddle blankets with velcro fasteners, but I learned about them late and we did not have a chance to use them. However, I am sure that it is a genius invention because our Matvey could easily unswathe himself just like Houdini, no matter how tight we swaddled him.

20. Baby tissue paper or simply soft napkins. Number of pieces – limitless. We cut a couple of flannel cloths to smaller pieces in order to clean the baby’s face when he was posseting, as well as wipe everywhere else that would get in his way. We kept a couple of such napkins in every room not to run around searching for them every time we needed them. It is washed with the rest of baby clothes. As an alternative, you can use disposable tissue paper (extra soft one, made especially for babies).

21. Clothes. I do not recommend buying a lot of clothes of the smallest size for a newborn. When during your pregnancy you get a shopping rush and want to buy all those cute little shirts and pants (and I understand you!), it is better to take only a couple of things for 0—3 months, and the rest (especially warm clothes) already for 3—6 months. There are some things which I bought that my son Matvey did not even wear because they were too tiny for him from birth. And I took time choosing them carefully! Also, for the first months the process of dressing a baby (in comparison with buying clothes for him) is far from being a pleasant activity. I would say, too far from it. Sometimes during this process your baby will scream so much that you could lose your hearing for a while. This is why it is better to make do with the good old swaddling than have a nervous breakdown trying to fit a tiny baby hand in a sleeve of that cutest polka-dotted shirt which you so lovingly chose to buy.

A list of first clothes for a baby who cannot crawl yet

Summer:

– cotton bodysuits with short sleeves – 3—4 pcs.;

– cotton footed pants – 3—4 pcs. (but you could go directly to sleepsuits if you want);

– cotton sleepsuits (same as bodysuits but with long sleeves and closed feet) – 3—4 pcs.;

– cotton caps – 2 pcs.;

– cotton blanket (throw) for walks;

– newborn mittens

There is no need to buy any warm sweaters or other types of warm clothes for walks in the summer. If necessary, it is easier to cover a baby with a cotton blanket or a swaddling blanket.

Summer lasts three months (sometimes one and a half in Siberia), and by autumn you would already need to buy clothes of a bigger size. Well, if you really want to buy that cute little sweater… Who would stop you? But I suggest buying it in a bigger size (3—6 months).

Autumn/spring:

All the same things as for the summer, plus:

– knitted cap;

– warm hat;

– warm knit sleepsuit or a light fleece one without lining;

– fleece sleepsuit with a lining;

– light bunting suit (60—80 gram fill insulation);

– warm fleece throw blanket.

You can buy all winter clothes in autumn as well. However, if your baby is born at the end of April, for example, there is no need to spend money for a winter bunting suit which will already become small for him/her in the upcoming autumn. It is better to take a non-expensive warm envelope blanket and a fleece throw.

Winter:

All the same things as for the autumn/spring, plus:

– warm woolen socks;

– winter bunting suit (250—300 gram fill insulation) instead of a light version mentioned in the previous list (you can buy that closer to spring)

I would recommend buying a bunting suit made in your home country or the one with similar climate. For example, our Siberian son Matvey felt very warm in his Finnish bunting suit by Kerry (Finnish brand). It easily resists cold up to —25 °С, and is very convenient to put on and zip up.

It is better to buy a bunting suit a little bit bigger than your baby’s size so that you will not end up buying a second one in the same season (because children grow fast, and in the first few months – very fast).

This is just a suggested list of clothes. Quite possibly, moms with experience will point out some important things, in their opinion, that are absent from this list. Let’s put it this way, I wrote about the basic sets which you will definitely need, and the rest you can decide for yourself and buy what you consider to be important.

Let’s continue.

22. Sterilizer: for bottles, pacifiers, baby rattles and breast pump. It is not an essential thing but quite a useful device to have in your household. Just pour some water, push the button – and all your things are clean in 6 minutes.

23. Breast pump. Manual one is the most popular. Even if you manage to avoid breast engorgement, it is a useful device, in case you need to express some milk to feed the baby when you are away.

24. Bottles (for water, expressed breast milk or an infant formula) must fit to your chosen breast pump. It is better to choose bottle teats with the smallest flow.

25. Pacifier. Every mother decides for herself whether she gets her baby used to pacifiers or not. In the beginning, having my head full of “natural parenting” during the pregnancy, I decided that I will never give Matvey any pacifiers. Then I realized that, as in the case with any extreme theories, it is better not to be so opinionated. Most importantly is that the baby, as well as his parents, feel comfortable about it. Matvey did not suck on his pacifier 24/7, but sometimes I would give it to help him go to sleep. If I needed to calm my baby down, I would always hold him or give the breast. The pacifier was not a replacement for his mother, and he did not develop any addiction to it. People who think that pacifiers are universally evil tend to dramatize too much. In any case, it is up to you to decide. If you end up buying a pacifier, buy two (as a rule, one always gets lost when you need it or falls on the floor). A special clip with a chain will prevent a pacifier from falling.

26. Baby bouncer. This is not essential but a very useful thing. Baby put in a bouncer can always stay next to mommy and watch her when she is busy.

27. Baby bathtub. Newborn child can be bathed in a normal big bathtub but a special baby bathtub will save you water and time for pre-washing. When a baby learns to sit, such a bathtub is also convenient. We used a special bath support in the beginning, but only for the first week. You could easily do without it. A bath stand, on the contrary, is very useful as it will save mommy’s back.

28. Baby care products:

– baby soap;

– soft hair brush;

– baby scissors or nail clippers;

– nasal aspirator for that tiny nose;

– cotton pads;

– moisturizing cream;

– nappy cream (if your baby develops a rash, but you do not need to buy it beforehand);

– baby laundry detergent (it is better to use it for all the things which come in contact with your baby’s skin: baby clothes, bed sheets);

– baby shampoo.

29. Baby medicine cabinet. A minimum of things which you will need:

– bath herbs (you can buy special kits for babies or separate packs of chamomile and beggarticks);

– bepanthen;

– hydrogen peroxide;

– paracetamol suppositories (for infants);

– baby oil;

– saline solution for nose (nasal drops for babies, not spray);

– thermometer (electronic one is better, ideally the one which can immediately tell the temperature).

As for the special medicines which must be present in your home, please consult your pediatrician.

30. Baby rattles and other toys. In beginning one or two rattles is enough. They help to distract your baby from crying, but mainly are a source of entertainment for mommy and daddy, not the baby.

31. Baby crib mobile. Another non-essential but useful thing. Babies are fascinated by the way the toys are moving. However, they will not be interested in a mobile right away. It will happen when your baby learns to focus on something and starts to understand that it is not that boring to lay in bed.

ІІ. Things to buy for a new mother

While making a list of baby essentials, do not forget to make a list for yourself as well.

1. Comfortable maternity bras – 2—3 pcs. They support swollen breasts and expose the right amount of breast for breastfeeding when you need it, in one swoop. You will also need nursing pads. In the very beginning when your lactation is still not settled and out of control, milk comes in big quantities and wets your lingerie.

2. After birth belly wrap. I cannot estimate the efficiency of this thing as my after birth period happened to be in scorching heat in the summer, and it was a torture wearing it. But people say it helps to get back in shape after you’ve had your baby.

3. Postpartum pads. You will need them for about a month – month and a half (here all men close the book). To maintain a high level of hygiene it is important to change them very frequently.

4. Lansinoh (lanolin) for breasts, to soften your bitten nipples (now really all men close the book). Bepanthen mentioned in the previous list is also good for curing war wounds of a woman who started her journey on a long road of motherhood.

5. Breastfeeding pillow. Some do without it, but personally for me this pillow was irreplaceable when I was breastfeeding when seated. You could sit in a big armchair, put on this life saver, surround yourself with books, films and cookies with tea – and sit like this for hours with the baby on your breast, enjoying the slow beginning of motherhood. It is better to have two pillowcases for this pillow so that you could easily change them when they get dirty.

6. Nursing clothes. When I decided to buy nursing clothes, I realized that many manufacturers think that new mothers must look beautiful only to their baby, and forget about the rest. In beginning I did buy a couple of those ugly dresses and tops, but then among my old clothes I found some items that could work as nursing clothes as well. For example, tops with straps, shirts with buttons – anything where you can easily reveal the breast. In any case, it is important to remember that any nursing clothes will inevitably get dirty with baby posseting. This is why it is reasonable not to use any Dior dresses for that purpose unless you are sure that white stains will give it some extra charm.

7. Fitball (fitness ball). Usually people buy it for the exercises while pregnant but this thing can be used after birth as well. It is such an amazing device for rocking your baby to sleep. Your back and hands will not be as tired as they would get if you are rocking the baby while standing. But do not get too carried away, your baby might not intend to become an astronaut. Moreover, you will need that ball for baby gymnastics as well. If you do not mind its big size, fitball is a great thing to have at home.

8. Sling. My Matvey was not fast to approve this idea. My first attempts to put him in a sling failed, and he would run away from me (and he could not even crawl yet!) It was only when he was about three months old that we finally managed the sling thing, and I learned how to wear it and walk with it.

The sling is a great thing, even if you are not a fan of natural parenting and constantly keeping the baby on yourself. The sling allows you to do many things with both hands. If you are going for a walk with a sling, there is no need to carry that heavy pram around. The sling saves you time (you can read about this in the chapter about time management).

9. Wide all-purpose multifunctional shawl. Light cotton shawl is the simplest thing which will be useful in many situations:

– to cover up when breastfeeding in public (at a friend’s house, on the plane, etc.);

– to cover the pram when your baby is sleeping (to make it more comfortable);

– to hide your child from the sun when you are traveling in the car;

– to act as a wonderful accessory for your stylish look and cover the posseting stains on your clothes.

ІІІ. Things you will need later (you do not need to buy it before birth):

1. Playpen is something you might need when your baby learns to sit and crawl. Some modern theories criticize playpens saying that it is not good to restrict the baby’s desire to learn more about the world. But nobody is saying that the baby will sit there 24/7. It is more a question of security. When the mother desperately needs to go to toilet, it is better to put the baby in a playpen than leave him/her on the floor exploring, as it would mean to put your child’s health and life at danger. As a child, I had a whole room as a playpen. There was nothing but the carpet, toys and two sisters. Couch pillows played the role of a fence. Unfortunately, not everyone has a spare room for that purpose.

There are many playpens on the market and they all look kind of the same, but for the second time I would buy a small playpen/baby bed, two in one, with a standard mattress size. I think such a bed is a great idea when you travel somewhere with a child.

2. Potty. Potty designers have amazing imagination, but the most important feature is that the potty should be stable.

3. High chair. We inherited ours from Matvey’s cousins. It was beautiful, soft, comfortable… but absolutely impractical in terms of cleaning. Every time when Matvey had his meals, his chair would be covered in food which would get in impossible places and far corners. The stitches on the chair were made of artificial leather, so they would easily soak in something like carrot juice. In short, it was an everyday challenge.

We did not buy another chair, but I would advise my dear readers to buy a washable, completely wooden or plastic high chair that is easily cleaned. I would say a baby’s bottom in a diaper does not feel uncomfortable on a hard chair, but you could easily buy an extra pillow if you feel like the baby needs one.

4. Bib. Get a plastic one that has a pocket, which is essential. The pocket will collect the things that fall. It is convenient to have a second bib as well (while the first one dries after washing).

5. Tableware. You will need: a sippy cup (with two handles), a couple of plates (children love the ones with pictures on the bottom), fork and spoon (it is more convenient for children to hold utensils with round handles, not flat).

6. Toys. The two most important things about toys are: safe materials and appropriate age group. But here is my observation: no matter how interesting and vibrantly colored modern toys were, Matvey spent more time playing with the old Soviet classics – weeble-wobble, toy blocks, humming top and ring stacker. I guess the love for these toys is genetic. Plus the ball, of course.

I also recommend buying big boxes or containers for all these treasures. They make it much easier to tidy up and teach your child to put away his/her toys.

Buying for your baby is a never-ending process. I think baby shopping business can be compared with drug dealing. Every year so many new parents fall into its net, leaving all their family budget in baby shops, and it is quite impossible to “get off this needle”.

I should say that all those most trendy and modern things for children contain a heavy dose of marketing. Smart marketing specialist do not stop thinking which hippopotamus will please babies the most: the blue one or the purple one? Which toy rattle is the best for physical coordination development? Which function to add to the pram to impress new parents? Maybe an automatic scale to measure the baby’s weight or the mood detector? Or maybe a GPS navigator? On-board Wi-Fi?

Sometimes you get so caught up in this shopping rage for all the latest things that you do not even notice how you buy another newest development for an insane amount of money, and later it turns out to be useless. I remember buying these awesome colorful wax crayons in the shape of an egg, “suitable for a baby’s hand”. Red, blue and yellow. Three crayons for 650 rubles (around $12 / €11). I spread out a big piece of drawing paper on the floor and showed Matvey the magical colorful lines which he could create with these crayons. After that I gave one to him. Drawing grabbed his attention for exactly 20 seconds, after which he savored half of the blue egg. Since then all my attempts to persuade my son to draw with wax eggs ended in the same way. He was only nibbling on them. Later I gave him a simple ball point pen which cost 8 rubles (around 15 cents). Of course, Matvey immediately started drawing with it, taking the pen correctly since the first try, just like a first-grader.