It turned out I didn’t know him at all. For how many times did he ask me to come and see him when he just arrived at Russia? And for how many times did he refuse to meet me now, when I had finally agreed to do it? For many more times!

Tomorrow, I must set off for Saint Petersburg. “And I’ll do it,” I promised myself.

I sent the man the pictures of my train ticket to the city.

“Good luck with your job interview,” there was the answer. “You’re coming there for the interview, right?”

“Right,” I wrote. “And thank you very much, Emre! Good luck to you too!”

Such an intractable lad! Such an obstinate one!

2 July 2021

Emre! How I wanted to meet you! I still hoped you’d meet me!

These were my thoughts. I was on the train to Saint Petersburg!

But… “What if he wouldn’t meet me?” I thought. “What if everything he told me was true?”

Those were his words. “You’re nobody to me,” he wrote once. Why did he do it? Did he want to have a row with me?

Everything was too strange. Frankly speaking, I didn’t know what was going on.

My family let me go on this trip. “You’ll meet, and only then will you find out if he’s your match or not,” Mum was saying.

Well, now, I wasn’t even sure if this “match’ would meet me or not. I wasn’t sure what would happen next.

A butterfly sat on the window pane. It started rubbing its legs together. Just like any insect. But there was something special about it. What exactly? I myself couldn’t tell. Perhaps, its big yellow wings. What else…?

Perhaps, something different from the other insects, including bugs and ladybugs. I admire both butterflies and ladybugs. They’re cute.

Station after station, I got closer and closer to the city I’d been looking forward to step foot in. What would it be like? I myself didn’t know. It was a mystery. Everything needed to be experienced live.

Five hours or so passed.

I stepped out of the train. Saint Petersburg!

Saint Petersburg! I’d fallen in love with it as soon as I saw its beauty – its magnificent buildings, splendid architecture, and green vibrant gardens. I didn’t have the same feeling for Emre. It was deeper. Much deeper.

When would I come across him? Would I anyway…?

At the hotel, I typed a message to the man.

Me: Emre?

Emre: What? Don’t message me!

Me: Emre…

Emre: Shall I block you?

What? Block? Me? What for?

Me: Emre, I’m in Saint Petersburg!

Emre: So what? What do you want from me?

So what? What did he mean to say?

Me: Emre… I’ve come here for you! I’ve come here to see you!

Emre: I don’t care. Do your things and don’t bother me. Bye!

I didn’t get it. How come? What did he mean to say?

Me: Emre! Please!

No answer. “What’s the matter?” I thought. Was the man okay?

That was quite a question. What the matter really was?

Something strange was going on. Something inexplainable. Something no one (perhaps, including Emre) couldn’t interpret.

Emre: Aziza. What’re you hoping for? What’re you waiting for? I won’t meet you in Saint Petersburg. You’re not my friend anymore. Got it?

I was lost for words.

Emre: What’re you expecting, Aziza?

Me: Emre, please, let’s talk. I don’t want to lose you. I want us to be friends. Very good friends. Very close ones.

Emre: Yeah, but you forgot a simple thing. When the window’s broken, you can trust neither the window nor the people living behind it.

Me: Emre, it’s you that forgot another simple thing. We’re humans, not windows. So…

Emre: Aziza, I don’t care. I don’t want to hear anything from you. Bye!

I burst into tears.

I didn’t come to the city for my job interview. I simply wanted to see Emre.

…At the reception desk, I tried to ask the hotel workers about the landmarks of Saint Petersburg, sobbing.

“What’s the matter with you, Miss? How can we help you? Please, don’t cry!”

The lady passed me over a napkin. I took it.

“Don’t cry,” she smiled and took my hand. “What’s up with you? Just tell me!”

“No, no, thank you, I’m fine,” I could hardly say a word. “I wanted you to tell me about the must-visits of Saint Petersburg.”

“Yeah, but, perhaps, you’d like a cup of tea first?” the woman asked.

Having mopped the tears from my face, I headed towards the dining room and poured myself some tea. The day and (my life in general) seemed to swim to the bottom, but what did I have to do in the end…?

I went out of the hotel to see the Kazan Cathedral. Well, it took me half an hour to get there. The Kazan Cathedral… The name itself reminded me of my home.

Such a beautiful cathedral it was!

However, I had no energy to go inside. I sank onto a bench by the cathedral and burst into tears again.

The man with pigeons

Words couldn’t describe my state and feelings at the time. I was sitting on the bench, watching the passers-by. And trying to call Emre.

No answer.

I hung up.

And then, I tried to call another time.

“Aziza,” there was his voice, shaking. “Don’t message me…”

“I’m standing by the Kazan Cathedral…”

“I see. Have fun.”

Full stop.

What was it all for? I didn’t know. Did he disregard me that much?

Tears streamed down my face. It was simply unfair! I came to see Emre – and got this!!!

What was it all for?

I started crying loudly. So loudly that… a man who carried pigeons on his shoulders and calling the passers-by to come up and take a photo or two with these splendid snow-white birds ran up to me and asked me:

“My dear lady, what’s up?”

“Emre hasn’t met me!”

“Who?” he raised his eyebrow. “Emre? Who’s he?”

“The boy I love!” I cried.

“Oh, my God! Again your love stories!”

The man was probably in his thirties. He was thin and wore a blue jacket and blue jeans.

“Listen to me,” he said, winking, “you can tell me anything you want. So, what’s your story?”

The man’s friend look standing nearby caught up:

“Do you want me to buy an ice-cream for you, Miss?”

The second man looked practically the same.

“An ice-cream?” I mopped the tears away from my face. Well, actually, I needed anything to distract myself from what I’d just got over.

“Did he betray you?” the man with pigeons asked.

“Emre didn’t meet me!” I cried again.

“Oh, my God!” the man rolled his eyes at me. “Is he local?”

“N-n-n-o-o-o-!” I gave out a shriek. “He’s from Turkey!”

The two friends looked at each other. The man with pigeons’ friend burst into laughter.

“You know what’s Turks’ opinion of beautiful Russian girls?” he asked. “They think you’re all silly dolls!”

“Not at all!” I protested. “They’re cool!”

Laughter.

“My girl, they’re so cool one of them has forgotten to meet you! As a result, you’re now sitting, crying here, on the bench, with us trying to sooth you!” the man with pigeons looked at me.

I calmed down a bit. My tears wouldn’t help and correct the situation, after all.

“Did you meet before?” the man’s friend asked.

“No,” I lowered my eyes. “We were going to meet for the first time.”

“Do you know what I’ll tell you, Miss? You shouldn’t trust just anybody from the first corner, especially online. Didn’t you realize that?”

I said nothing.

“Where does he live? Do you know anything else about the guy? His surname? Address? Place of work or studies?” the man with pigeons asked.

“LETI!¹’ I cried again.

“Ah, the very Electrotechnical University,” he chuckled. “Hmm… Is he a smart one?”

“Y-y-y-e-s-s,” I muttered. “He’s very smart.”

“They’re all smart and clever,” the man with pigeons spat left. “Until you, naïve girls, come to see them.”

He burst into laughter.

“Oh, your love stories are so intriguing,” the man’s friend said and looked ay me. “At the same time, they’re all sad. By the way, it’s not the first story I happen to hear so far. There have been many cases like that. Believe me, Miss.”

“Okay,” I sighed, wiping the tears away from my face.

“What’s your name, you beautiful girl?”

“Aziza,” I said.

“And where are you from?”

“Kazan.”

“Yeah,” he chuckled, “I can see now. Well, Aziza, when you come into a big city, you should be careful. You mostly don’t know who’s in front of you, especially if you’ve never seen the person before. Got it?”

“Got it,” I sighed.

“Good,” the second man said. “Now, here’s your ice-cream. It’s kind of hot today, by the way.”

With these words, he took one ice-cream out of the freezer and passed it over to me. A pistachio one. Mmm… One of me favorite flavors.

“One more thing, Miss,” the man with pigeons said. “Once you fall in love with a man, be careful. Extremely careful,” he put an emphasis on the word “extremely’. “Look how you’re suffering now. Because of the man who simply haven’t met you. Because of such nonsense, you feel so much pain. You now understand what I mean?”

“Yes. I agree,” I nodded. Now, it was time to go. I’d got to visit Vasilyevsky Island. But first, I had to go to the Kazan Cathedral. “I feel much better now.”

The man’s friend laughed.

“I hope it’s more because of our words than of the ice-cream!”

“So true!” I smiled.

“If you have nowhere to elapse, LETI is the only place’

I went out of the Kazan Cathedral and said goodbye to both the men. Good fellows they were, the man with pigeons and his friend, the iceman.

I headed towards the Island.

The underground railway in Saint Petersburg isn’t that big. So I found the station needed easily.

“Vasileostrovskaya Station,” the train speaker said.

I got out of the wagon and up to the ground from the railway.

In Vasilyevskiy Island, there was a sacred place – Xenia Peterburgskaya Chapel. The church was named after a woman who is a patron saint of Saint Petersburg. According to the legend, she gave all her possessions to the poor after her husband died.

In the place where the chapel was located one could feel the peace and calm of the atmosphere there. I could perceive the spirit of the cemetery around the chapel. The perfect silence always makes you think the right way.

In the Chapel, I prayed the God and the Holy Blessed Xenia to give me the chance – at least the only one – to come across Emre, to see him.

“If only They heard my prayers,” I thought. “If only They could let me see the man.”

I was constantly repeating the prayer. I loved Emre. And I thought I’d love him… forever.

While I was passing the exit from the Chapel, I saw three beggars there – two middle-aged women and a man, approximately the same age as the women.

I rushed towards them with a few coins and started crying.

“Please, help me!” I sobbed. “Please, help me! I’m helpless! I’ll die without him!”

“What’s happened, my dear girl?” asked the woman that looked older. “What’s the matter with you?”

“I love him!” I was sobbing.

“So, what’s the matter with you?” asked the other woman. “Tell us!”

“I love a man. His name is Emre. I can’t live without him. But…”

“But what?” the man asked thoughtfully. “Has he left you? Has he betrayed you? Has he got a more beautiful, or, let’s say, a richer girl than you?”

“I don’t know anything!” tears streamed down my face. “I just thought Emre would meet me…”

“And he didn’t?” the older woman raised her eyebrow.

“He didn’t!” I sighed.

“Poor you, my girl!” the woman looked sympathetically. “Is he from Saint Petersburg?”

“He’s from Ankara, Turkey.”

“Oh, my God!” exclaimed the younger woman. “A Turk! You love him, don’t you?”

“I do!” I lowered my eyes.

“But it’s quite a good feeling, isn’t it?” the older woman asked.

I said nothing.

“What’s your name, dear girl?”

“Aziza.”

“Do you live here, in Saint Petersburg, Aziza?”

“No. I don’t. I’m from Kazan.”

“Ah,” the woman chuckled, “seems like this city is the your meeting point.”

“Something like that, yeah,” I nodded.

“So, where’s your boy now? Do you know anything about him?”

“He’s studying in LETI.”

“LETI?” the man smiled. “Do you know we all studied there too? It was our former place of studies.”

“Indeed?” I looked at him.

“And she,” he pointed at the younger woman, “helped me write my course paper and then thesis.”

“Wow, it’s quite a friendship,” I thought and then said, “Are all of you qualified engineers?”

“The two of us – yeah,” the man pointed at the younger woman and himself. “And she,” the younger woman went on, nodding at the elder one, “is a musician.”

“A musician? Why are you begging here, then?” I shrugged my shoulders.

“Because we’re disabled, my girl,” the older woman said. “When you’re in suc a state, you can hardly move! Just think!”

“Of course!” I agreed.

“So,” she went on, “is your man, Emre, a would-be engineer?”

“Yes, he is.”

“And you?” the woman asked.

“I’m an English teacher.”

“What a seemingly good match – a teacher and an engineer!” she chuckled.

“Yeah,” I sighed.

“So, do you love him?”

“I do,” I said firmly.

“So, what’re you going to do then, after he didn’t meet you?”

“Err… Let me think…” I said thoughtfully.

“Will you try searching for him?”

It wasn’t a bad idea, though!

After a few minutes, I nodded confidently:

“I will!”

“Oh, my God!” the older woman laughed openly. “She’s a brave one, isn’t she?”

The man said, “When we were students, there was a curious saying among LETI inhabitants. If you have nowhere to elapse, LETI is the only place. That’s what many people did when they were alone or had no one to talk to. Seems like you’ve got to do the same.”

“So,” the older woman asked me, “will you do the same thing?”

“I have no choice,” I shrugged my shoulders. “I love him.”

“We hope everything’ll be fine,” she looked at me. “Good luck to you! And, of course, we’ll pray for you!”

I said goodbye to them and headed… yes, towards my destination point. LETI.

After an hour or so, I reached the University. The outer building looked like a castle. There were several inner buildings located inside the campus. The castle one opened on the street.

I’d say practically every building in Saint Petersburg looked like a castle…

As I came closer and closer, only one thought was running on my mind. To see Emre. At least to catch a glimpse of the man.

Emre! My Emre…

It was so illogical… Actually, the man who sent you off wouldn’t be worth even his name pronounced and thought of. However, love is such a thing that… you never know what you’ll think of a second or a minute later.

That was my situation. Only he was on my mind.

“I need to have a look at the timetable,” I thought. “What’s his group number?”

It wasn’t all that simple, though. Because of something I hadn’t even suggested before. The entry checkpoint.

“Hello,” I said to the security officer at the entrance. “I’m coming to a job interview.”

“Your first name? Last name?” there was both the question and the answer.

“Aziza Kadirova,” I said.

“Let me have a look in today’s job interview database…” he took a tablet out of his tabletholder.

What? How sophisticated it all was! I desired to see Emre without the stuff like red tape!

“No,” the man said after a while. “I’m afraid your name’s not included in today’s list. Maybe you’ll be able to come tomorrow in case you appear in the list…” he shrugged his shoulders.

“So,” I frowned, “I’m not permitted to be let in, am I?”

“No, I’m afraid you’re not, Miss,” the officer sighed.

Goodness gracious! What should I do then?

“What do I need to go in?” I asked.

“A pass. The pass is required for all the University staff and students.”

“How may I make it?”

“Well, you should address the entry checkpoint center,” the man coldly shrugged his shoulders. “Only then may you be let in.”

My Emre…!

I was absolutely desperate to see him. But how and when…?

Emre was so… unattainable!

I practically had no chance of getting inside!!!

I was hardly holding tears back. What was it all for?

“Okay,” I said. “Thank you very much anyway. Have a nice day!”

“Thank you! You too!” the man’s answer was.

What should I do, then? I needed to see Emre.

A student passed by me.

“Excuse me, sir,” he said to the security guard. “Where could I see the Master’s degree entrance requirements, please?”

The Master’s degree. Sounded exciting. Especially if you have to go on with your education.

Suddenly, it dawned on me. What if I tried to enter a Master course in linguistics there, in LETI? It’d be fascinating!

At the time, I had a great desire to enter the University. First, I’d get a passing card. Therefore, with the card, I’d have much more chance to come across Emre.

Now, I asked another question to the boy.

“Are you going to enter the Master’s?”

“Yeah,” he smiled.

“I can see now,” I nodded. “Which department?”

“Robotics.” One more proud answer.

“And are you from LETI as well?”

“But of course! And you?”

“I’m not,” I lowered my eyes. “But I’d love to be.”

“Come on!” he laughed. “You’ll do it! Which department are you willing to enter?”

“Is there anything concerning Linguistics, Philology or, well, English studies?”

“Yes, there is. The Linguistics department.”

Two months later…

30 August 2021

Something incredible had happened. Indeed.

Since now, I’d been a LETI student!!!

Let me tell you everything in detail, though. From the very beginning.

I had decided to stay in Saint Petersburg. I told my Mum, “I feel this is for me. I’d like to go on with my studies. What’s more, I can find a job there. Mum,” I was saying in ecstasy, “it’s a perfect, an awesome, opportunity, for me to proceed with both my career and my studies.”

Mother agreed. If her daughter wants something (something that’s not bad for the child, of course), she approves of it. So was this time.

Having rented a flat in the suburbs, I applied for entering the Master’s program.

Judging by the exam requirements, I just had to read everything up. The theory concerning linguistics studies, the scientists’ names, and so on.

There were two exams – the first was an English exam, the second being a linguistics one. All of them were to be held online, due to the Covid restrictions. Which was definitely an advantage for me. No, I didn’t intend to cheat. Not at all. Just I felt more comfortable if I take an exam via web-camera. However, it was my first experience of sitting an online exam.

That was a problem, though. At the English exam, there was a software problem. As a result, I couldn’t get access to my test questions at the beginning of the exam. So, I thought they simply wouldn’t take my work into consideration!

I was in tears. “What shall I do?” I thought.

Was it the end of the world…?

I contacted the board.

“We’re aware of the problem and therefore are doing everything to solve it,” they wrote back.

That is, the other students had no access to their test either? My God, we were all in the same boat!

Ten or fifteen minutes later, the access was finally provided. Although it was an electrotechnical university, it had its own, technical issues. What about a university connected to the humanities? Are there philosophical problems arising? Seems like that.

I had forty-five minutes to complete the task. Actually, there must have been an hour for us to do the job: the machine is not a human. It wouldn’t give us extra minutes, after all. However, due to the well-known circumstances, I had no choice but to adjust to the current exam time.

Thank God, I did it. Almost a hundred percent. Okay, not all the hundred percent. Ninety-eight. That wasn’t bad either.

The linguistics exam was pretty easy. On the one hand.

On the other hand, you were interacting with a live person, not a machine. Therefore, he or she (in this case – he) would ask you extra questions (or even grill you down) if your answer was unclear. Actually, in this case, I’d got only one extra question: “Could you please provide the board with more examples of idioms?”

I had none!

As a result, I scored seventy-eight out of one hundred. Was it or wasn’t it bad? That was the question.

So, my overall result was one hundred and seventy-six. Out of two hundred. Amazing!

I turned out the last in the list, though. There were outstanding students with a better score. I was grateful to the University I was admitted anyway! The last one isn’t the worst one!

1. Saint Petersburg Electrotechnical University, bearing the former and the current abbreviation, LETI.

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Don’t Fall in Love with an Aquarius: Saint Petersburg. Volume 2

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