No part of the book, without prior written permission from the author, may be reproduced or transmitted by whatever means are employed: electronic, mechanical, photographic, recording, or any other means, except for the use of brief citations in book reviews. Fonts used with permission from Microsoft.

This is a work of fiction. Names, places, characters, and incidents are products of the author's imagination and fictitious. Any resemblance to real people, living or dead, events or adaptable is purely coincidental.

Translation: Fernanda Viana

Cover: Luizyana Poletto

Cover / core images: Depositphotos | @Anasteisha

List of Mandy Summers unattainable things

To be popular

To be part of a real ballet corps

To not be ashamed in front of strangers

To be braver

To watch a 4You2 band live show

To make a difference in someone's life

To have my father's love

Ryan McKenna

Author's Note

Dear reader,

The passage from the girlhood to the adulthood is a milestone for every young person... and it wouldn`t be different to Amanda Summers, a shy, inexperienced, full of fears and insecurities that came from the age itself, as well as from her past. Like most of the girls in this phase, her feelings are intense and her head is crowded of doubts, fears and dreams.

Under Pressure

, we will follow Mandy's growth journey: her entry into the adult life, the discovery of first the first love, the friendships and the transition from girl to woman.

But don’t be fooled. Behind the cute theme of the first love between the ballerina and the captain of the basketball team, there is a story that addresses very serious and important topics, such as bullying, harassment, anxiety and depression.

This story was was very difficult and special to tell. I hope it touches your heart, as it touched mine.

Oh! And remember: you are not alone. You are worthy. And "no" always mean "no"

Kisses and good reading,

A. C. Meyer

Chapter One

It was dark when Mandy woke up. Still asleep, she rubbed her hands against her eyes and watched the opened window in front of the bed. The voil curtaing fluttered with the morning breeze, allowing her to have a glimpse of the sky, which slowly changed its tone, becoming clear gradually. The orange and yellow rays mixed itselves with the midnight blue, making the clouds look like a big Renaissance painting. Bit by bit, nature made its magic, the daylight came up with a shining sun and made the girl`s heart to race.

Mandy had always been an introspective girl. She always thought a lot about everything, since each small decision she made, to her role in the world. That day, it was no different. Althought she had barely started her day, she thought about how relative was the concept of time, while she curled a lock of the dark brown hair on a finger.

With a soft smile on her lips, she remembered when she was a child and how much she kept her fingers crossed for the time to pass slowly, specially on vacation, when she enjoyed funny moments with her best girl friend, jumping in the river, playing ball games and climbing on trees, hoping for the Summer to last forever. Now that the childhood times were over, the expectation for the arrival of the future wrapped her, making her wish to enjoy everything life had to offer her.

Still smiling, she rolled over and looked away from her watch. It was still very early, but she could barely contain the excitement when thinking about the great adventure that awaited her today.

A big change would happen in her life

In a few hours, she would take the first step into adulthood: follow May, her best friend, to university. It was the first time she was going to be on her own, living in a city other than Gloucester, a small town on the Northern coast of Boston, where she lived for a lifetime.

Mandy had finished high school at

Gloucester High School

in July and even before graduation, she got a scholarship, as she would be part of the institution's ballet corps. She had applied to several universities across the country, but when she received the admission and welcome letter from Brown, which was only about two hours away from her home, she knew she would have the opportunity to make two big dreams come true at the same time: to get out of Gloucester and join a real ballet corps. Not that she didn't like living there, quite the contrary, but she knew that she would hardly have the chance to become a professional ballerina, which was her big dream.

The mother was a great supporter. Having taken care of Mandy on her own since her father left the family to live with the secretary who was fifteen years younger and never came back, Mrs. Summers did everything possible for her daughter to achieve her dreams. After her husband left, she got her first job as a service assistant at an event company and was quickly promoted to event organizer due to her commitment to the job. Her mother never missed anything and Mandy knew that she would need to dedicate a lot to achieve her goals.

Although they love each other very much, Mandy and Mrs. Summers were very different from each other. Perhaps because of the job requirement and, in part, as compensation for her husband's departure, Mandy's mother became a woman obsessed with appearance. Their house was always shining, and so was she, who never went out in public with a hair out of place, the opposite of Mandy who was the typical teenager who loved wearing jeans and a T-shirt. The discussions about it were constant and, despite knowing that she would miss home a lot, the girl believed that a break would do both good. That way, she would have a chance to discover what she liked or disliked on her own and the mother - she hoped - would have the opportunity to have romantic relationships, something Mandy suspected she avoided because of her daughter.

With a sigh, the girl picked up the book on the nightstand and concentrated on the beautiful love story between a TV star and his manager. She loved to read novels about romance and always wondered if what she read in books would ever happen to her.

I need to lose my shyness first, since I feel embarassed for everything

, she thought to herself and laughed.

Turning the last page, the girl closed the book with a smile on her lips and turned on the bed, looking up at the clock. Finally!

It was time

, she thought and widened her smile.

Jumping out of bed, Mandy went straight to the shower, took a long bath and washed her long hair. She knew she should have done it the night before, as the strands took hours to dry and she would have to restrain her impatience to tie them when they were still wet, which would make her regret at the end of the day. After bathing, she returned to the room wrapped in a fluffy towel and put on the clothes she had left separate for the trip. The torn jeans at the knee and the worn T-shirt from Nirvana matched the blue Converse perfectly. After looking in the mirror, satisfied with her bare appearance, she picked up her backpack and ran down the stairs towards the kitchen.

She was opening the refrigerator when she was surprised by her mother's voice:

"Amanda, my daughter, where are you going with that awful outfit?" - Mrs. Summers asked, looking her up and down and Mandy had to control herself not to roll her eyes.

"To travel, mom. I thought it best to wear comfortable clothes." - Mandy's mother's annoyed expression turned to sadness, with the memory of her daughter's departure. - "What's it?"

"My little girl is growing up," the mother said, pulling the girl into her arms.

The two were embraced for a moment and, when they separated, prepared breakfast together. As she took the last bite of the toast, Mandy looked at the watch again, looking concerned.

"May must already be arriving to take the road to Providence."

Ms. Summers nodded and took the last sip of coffee. A few moments later, they heard the horn sound outside and got up to leave the house. While picking up the bags, the mother asked a series of questions, making sure that the daughter had not forgotten anything.

"Be sure to call me when they arrive."

"Okay, for sure," Mandy replied, opening the front door.

As they left the house together, mother and daughter looked at each other and, for the first time, Mandy saw her mother, who have always been a very strong woman despite everything that happened, looking fragile, with tears in her eyes.

"Ah, my daughter..." - she murmured, pulling the girl in a tight hug. - "Take care of yourself. And don't forget to always call home. I will deeply miss you."

"Me too, Mom." - The two hugged each other even tighter. Despite the differences, they loved each other very much and Mandy's departure would be difficult for both of them. When they left, they had tears in their eyes and the girl thought she would never imagine that her heart would feel so tight because she was leaving home.

Picking up their bags, the two went to May's car, which opened the trunk already full of luggage.

"Watch out on the road, girls" - mrs. Summers said when she saw the two getting in the car to leave. Leaning over the passenger side window, she pulled the two girls in for another hug.

"For sure," they replied in unison, making the older woman smile and rub her daughter's face.

Suddenly, her expression changed and she became very serious.

"Amanda, promise that if you have any problems over there, you will call me? No matter what, I want you to know that I will be here to support you."

"I promise, Mom," Mandy replied with a smile and the woman nodded.

With goodbye shrieks, May started the car and Mrs. Summers finally pulled away, allowing them to leave. Looking in the rearview mirror, Mandy saw her mother nod and responded, excitedly.

"What's up, friend? Ready for the adventure?" - May asked as she left the garage at Mandy's house, smiling broadly.

"For sure!"

"Oh, my friend, I'm so excited. I'm sure it will be an unforgettable phase of our lives" - May said and Mandy smiled, turning on the loud sound as her friend went down the way to get on the road.

"I have a feeling that this trip will completely change our lives" - Mandy said to May smiling and then they started singing, following the pop ballad of the Australian band

4you2

, which sounded from the speakers.

Mandy was right. That trip would be truly unforgettable. She just didn't realize how true that would be.

For good and for bad.

Chapter Two

A few weeks later...

It was half past six in the morning when Mandy's watch woke up, warning her that her big day had finally arrived. She and May were sharing an apartment they were lucky enough to rent. The place had two bedrooms, living room and kitchen, in addition to the bathroom. Obviously, they would have a higher cost with rent, instead of staying in a student residence , but the two girls' parents chose to offer them a little more comfort, as they knew that sharing the space would not be easy. At first, they thought this was an exaggeration, after all they were friends for life, almost like sisters. But after a few days, Mandy had to give in: they were right. The girls were friends, but completely different people, with tastes and customs, in many circumstances, opposites. If she needed to be locked in a room and smell the incense sticks that May loved so much, Mandy would surely go crazy.

They took advantage of the period before classes started to adapt to the new reality. After all, they were girls from a small town and had never left Gloucester before, so dealing with the grandeur of the campus, all those people who came from the most diverse cities in the country, required an effort to adapt. May had an easier time. She was a friendly and outgoing girl, who made friends easily and talked to everyone. But Mandy, in addition to shyness, still had to overcome the overprotection with which she had been raised. Since the divorce, her life was quite controlled by her mother, who tried to make up for her father's departure at any cost. The girl was not used to going to parties, dating or having many friends. In addition, dance demanded that she lead a ruled life and all that university activity was a little too much for her.

Still sleepy, she got up slowly and headed for the bathroom. She took a hot shower and washed her hair, being careful not to delay, so that May also had a chance to get ready for her classes calmly. As she left the bathroom wrapped in a towel, the girl went into the bedroom, hearing the door slam behind her, followed by a grunt. Her friend hated to wake up early.

As she opened the bedroom closet and pulled on a dark jeans, she thought of the words she was sure her mother would say if she were there.

Jeans on the first day of school, Amanda?"

Laughing, she shook her head, wondering how they could be so different from one another and looked for a T-shirt in the wardrobe. Ballet was the only thing in common with the mother. Like her, mrs. Summers was passionate about ballet, and enrolled her daughter in classical ballet classes as soon as the girl was five years old. Ever since she saw a ballerina make the first

plié

when she was still very young, Mandy promised herself that she would give everything she could to be a real ballerina, even if she was not the complete stereotype of a professional ballerina. By normal standards, the girl was short for her recently turned 18 years old, but not for a ballerina, whose body needed to be much more tender than her curvaceous - albeit very thin. Furthermore, she lacked the classic beauty of most successful ballerinas. Even though her long dark brown hair with smooth, thick strands stood out in the classes she attended, alongside her colleagues who were blond like angels, she was considered more exotic than beautiful, with very dark green eyes, almost gray and her mouth - than in her opinion was too great for anyone to say she was beautiful.

And to complete the imperfect set, she was extremely slouchy and clumsy. It was beyond her comprehension to know how she managed to dance and do all those jumps and pirouettes, when she could barely take two steps without stumbling or knocking something on the floor. What made her really good at ballet was her impeccable technique, which overcame any other unfavorable characteristics she might have.

Mandy had already been too much embarrassed for being clumsy. At school, she had taken many memorable falls during the break. And that was why her favorite place at school had always been the library. Among the shelves full of books, the girl spent most of her free time lost in her imagination. The pages of the books were her favorite retreat, especially Jane Austen's period novels. Obviously, it would be no different - she already had even discovered where exactly her new literary refuge was located.

A knock sounded on the door. It could only be May to say she was ready.

"Come in," she shouted, as she pulled on the Pearl Jam's gray T-shirt. The piece was old, but it was her lucky shirt.

"Yikes! Are you going with that rag?" - May asked as she entered, making a face. She looked beautiful in a green dress and the auburn hair in a loose ponytail.

"It's not a rag! It's my Pearl Jam shirt!" - Mandy protested, but her friend stuck her nose in disgust.

"Which deserves to become a floor cloth. Seriously, Mandy, how are you going to get a boyfriend dressed as a nerd?" - She asked, but her friend laughed, ignoring her absurd argument and continued to put on her blue Converse.

"And who said I want to get a boyfriend, you crazy?" - She replied, but she couldn't get away in time for May to grab her shoulders and push her in the chair.

"You will go out in this strange outfit, but the hair and makeup are on me."

Knowing that there was no point in protesting, the girl allowed her friend to blow-dry her hair and do a light makeup. When finished, May turned her around to face the mirror with a satisfied smile and a winning expression. Looking at herself closely, Mandy couldn't help but agree that it looked much better. Her long hair was loose, like a chocolate-colored curtain falling down her back. The bangs, which gained volume with the aid of the dryer, came almost at the level of the eyebrows, making her look even younger. Mandy didn't know what kind of magic May had done, but her eyes were high, looking like two big marbles.

“Finally! You went from being a clumsy nerd to being a

sexy geek

!" - May said laughing, while Mandy looked again at her reflection in the mirror, obviously not believing that story that she was sexy, but having to agree that she was much better than before: her face didn't look so dull anymore and her hair was shiny. Her gaze drifted to the body and she noticed the t-shirt fitted to her breasts, making them stand out in a way she didn't used to do until last year.

To celebrate the start of classes, they decided to have breakfast on campus and headed out to the parking lot. The corridors of the student's residence were still empty, since they were leaving much earlier than normal school hours.

Entering May's old Subaru 2009, which had been purchased with the help of her parents and many hours of work as a babysitter to save money, Mandy turned on the stereo.

"What's up, friend? Are you ready? I'm so looking forward to meeting everyone again..."

Despite being away from home, several of their countrymen had also been admitted to Brown, among them, two of their best friends: Yoshi, a Japanese by birth, but who had lived in Gloucester since he was one year old and Sean, a very smart guy, but very quiet. The four were raised together, in the same neighborhood. Mandy couldn't remember a time when they weren't together. And at the university, it would be no different. The four applied for the same institutions, so they wouldn't have to split up. Brown ended up being the option of friends, since everyone had been admitted and was closer to home.

Yoshi and Sean arrived in Providence shortly after the girls and settled in a student's residence near their apartment. In the days leading up to the start of classes, Mandy and May took it upon themselves to take them to see the surroundings.

Ready for the first, the girls decided to go to the cafeteria that was next to the building where they would attend the day's classes. They waited in the small queue, and when their turn came, May ordered two

macchiatos

toffees, which were then delivered, and went to a table in the corner of the room. While listening to her friend talk about a colleague she didn't remember, but who had been admitted to Harvard, Mandy took out her

bullet journal

to check the schedule for the day. That hardcover notebook, with a ballerina illustration on tiptoe, followed her everywhere. There, she wrote down her appointments, made her schedules, ballet lesson plans and lists. Many lists.

After drinking coffee and chatting, May took out her cell phone to check her e-mails and Mandy got up to throw the disposable cups in the trash when a move caught her eye. She looked in the direction of the door and saw a group of girls entering the cafeteria, drawing not only her attention, but everyone's in the establishment. Eight very beautiful blondes, who wore a tight white jacket on the body, with a K and an embroidered triangle at the height of the chest, came in laughing and talking loudly. The girls stopped at a table next to the cafeteria counter, where three basketball players were. As Mandy returned to her seat, she heard voices and laughter from there.

As she sat down, she asked:

"May, do you know them?"

"They're the Kappa Delta," the friend replied, but she still didn't know who they were.

"What’s this? A group?" - She asked, frowning and May laughed, already used to her friend's detached way.

"They are part of a fellowship called Kappa Delta. Did you see the symbol embroidered on the jacket?" - He asked and Mandy nodded. - "The three who are almost jumping on the guy with the tattoo are also cheerleaders."

“Mm…”

Curious, Mandy looked away in the direction indicated by her friend and saw the strong boy, who was wearing the sleeveless shirt of the university basketball team uniform. His arms showed a series of tattoos, covering them completely and he was surrounded by the girls. Just by looking at them, even if from a distance, Mandy was sure that they would never be part of the same group of friends. Those girls were too exuberant to relate to an ordinary girl like her.

One of the things she was learning about life at the university - although they had barely made it there - was the importance that students gave to sports - especially basketball - and the sororities and fraternities scattered throughout Providence. From what she had read in the freshman welcome manual, which she had received as soon as they arrived, the basketball team was the pride of the academic sports community, having revealed much of the great highlights of professional teams in the USA.

"Mandy, shall we?" - May called her friend, taking her out of her thoughts. The girl looked at the hours that appeared on the cell phone display, nodded and stood up. They would still need to find a place to park the car closest to their respective classrooms. They then went around the campus, talking about class schedules, excited because they would take two subjects in the same class.

Finding a spot near the entrance, May carefully parked the car. Although old, her vehicle was very well maintained. Her friends, Yoshi and Sean, real nerds when it came to physics, chemistry and mechanics, spent two weeks of summer vacation hunched over the car, repairing what was defective, so she could travel safely.

Unfastening his seat belt, Mandy looked around and saw several young people greeting and talking right at the entrance. She managed to recognize a few people from her hometown who had graduated before them. Smiling, she let the feeling of familiarity invade her when she saw some familiar faces in the midst of so many new people, calming the sense of panic that sometimes threatened to envelop her, having to face so many new circumstances.

As they got out of the car, she felt the hot summer sun hit her face. She smiled and looked around, watching the movement of students entering and leaving the building, until the image that appeared in her field of vision stole her air:

Cat-Ry

, the most handsome, popular and desired guy in Gloucester, was leaning on the wall next to the building's entrance, talking to another young man who wore a sports jacket with the name of the university basketball team embroidered on the back.

Cat-Ry

or Ryan McKenna, was a year older than the two girls. He was discovered by a scout when he was still in his second year of high school at Gloucester High School, which earned him a scholarship even though he still had a long time to finish high school. He arrived at Brown the previous year and assumed the position of point guard and captain of the basketball team. Ryan was a legend in his hometown and everyone said that, even a freshman, he became the main player on the university team. The boy even won a prize for best player in the university league, which was no surprise to any Gloucester resident, since he had been responsible for taking the high school team to the championship finals, when he was a senior.

In addition to being an excellent player, Ryan was handsome. The most handsome boy Mandy had ever seen. Since she and May took a three-day trip to New York during the ninth year and discovered that

Cat-Ry

was New York slang that meant

the most perfect guy in the world

, they have come to refer to him that way in their conversations.

The two were not the type of girls who used to polish apples for the athletes, but it was impossible not to recognize and admire - and even drool over a little - their beauty. With light brown hair tossed to the side and blue eyes that looked like two cut diamonds when he smiled, Ryan had a breathtaking appearance. He was tall, six feet nine of pure defined muscle.

Mandy found it impossible not to sigh when she saw him, even though she knew he would never give her a second look. That thought made her smile and remember that he was on the list of

Mandy Summers Unattainable Things

, that is, totally unreachable.

But that's okay. She didn't care to admire from afar, as if he were a knickknack in a crystal shop -

look, but don't touch

. She was a very down to earth girl. She was aware that she was not beautiful like the cheerleaders of

alpha, beta and gamma

, or whatever the sisterhood was called. She was never popular either, although she always wanted to know how that kind of girl felt when she was admired by everyone. She was just an ordinary girl, a good student who, despite doing ballet, was never part of the group of students who excelled in something in particular. So obviously, a beautiful guy like Ryan McKenna was someone unattainable to her. Dreaming about having anything close to a relationship with him was like imagining that she could be Zac Efron's girlfriend. That is, impossible. Ryan was the type of guy who dated girls like the ones in the café: beautiful, popular, charming, with generous curves on their bodies, who wore trendy clothes and lots of makeup. Not a skinny little girl like her, who wore faded jeans and a band T-shirt.

"Ah, but he abuses his right to be a handsome guy... - May sighed, taking her friend out of her daydreams.

"Um ... who?" - She asked, shaking her head, trying to focus on what her friend was saying.

Cat-Ry

" - May replied and smiled at her. - "That was the best welcoming committee and on the first day of school!"

"True." - Mandy smiled and, looking away from her friend, saw Sean waving in his direction. She returned the greeting and followed him, accompanied by May.

Sean and Mandy were very close. They met in kindergarten and grew up together. I used to trust Sean as if he were his older brother, until things started to get a little awkward during the last semester of high school. She shuddered just to remember the day when he cornered her in a corner, at the house of one of her schoolmates, where a party was taking place - one of the first that she went to, since she didn't usually socialize much. Holding her wrists more firmly than would be appropriate, Sean tried to kiss her, said that he liked her and that they should date. His impetuous - almost aggressive - behavior scared her. She had never thought of him that way and, in fact, she had not yet awakened to relationships with boys. She was a shy, inexperienced girl and didn't feel ready to be involved with anyone,